Amin Ai Olin
by AJ Matthews
Summary: An AU LOTR fic. Aragorn/Legolas SLASH!!! See the Author Notes for a summary. New Chapter!
1. Prologue

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)   
  
Prologue:  
  
  


Rain splattered down on the small groups of Men and Elves, as they hurried through the mud and puddles, seeking their homes, the inn, or some other form of shelter. Lightning and thunder sparked in the dark sky, urging those who were in the blinding rain to hurry, as gusts of wind ripped through drenched clothes, leaving their wearers shivering.

Many figures stood under awnings, choosing to wait until the storm passed to reach their destinations. The different buildings in the town could not be identified, for the downpour of rain made it very difficult to even see a few feet in front of oneself.

No one spared the stumbling, bent-over figure, who staggered through the rain and mud, a second glance. The single Elf had his arms wrapped around his waist in desperation, as he struggled to reach the town Healer. Another contraction wracked through his slender frame and he nearly fell over, falling directly into a second Elf, who happened to be going the opposite way.

Haldir automatically caught the small figure that fell into him. He looked down, and easily recognized the signs of an advanced pregnancy. "Are you all right?" the handsome Elf questioned, concern in his voice. It was not smart for someone so obviously close to giving birth to be out in this weather.

The pitiful-looking figure, whom was being supported by Haldir's strong arms, quickly glanced away, not wanting to be recognized, with wariness written across his face. "I'm fine," he muttered, lying as yet another contraction came, and he had to stifle a groan.

Haldir frowned, for this voice sounded familiar to him. "Who are you?" he asked sharply, looking closer at the other Elf, now seeing the pointed ears hidden in the muddy, blond hair.

Legolas let out a strangled cry of pain, and all but collapsed. He had reached the end of his strength and could go no further. The once proud and slightly arrogant former Prince of Mirkwood turned his face towards Haldir. "H-Haldir?" he whispered, hoping that the other Elf would not turn him away, as his vision went slightly blurry.

"Legolas?" Haldir gasped in shock. He stared straight into the azure eyes, full of pain and sorrow.

"Please, Haldir. Help...me." Legolas then finally gave in to his pain, to the agony ripping through him, and to his great weariness.

Haldir kept Legolas from falling, as the younger Elf went limp. The taller Elf lifted Legolas into his arms, and saw the ripple of another contraction go through the otherwise motionless Elf in his arms. 'By Elbereth.' Haldir gasped, as he quickly began racing through the crowds, back to the home he shared with his lover, Elladan. If Legolas was in enough pain to ask for help, it was serious.

'Elladan, bring out cloths and a clean knife!' Haldir shouted, as he carried Legolas inside the small house, and laid the unconscious, young Elf down on the single bed. Haldir himself pulled up Legolas' loose shirt and lowered his leggings slightly, before he quickly washed his hands in a basin of clean water. 

Elladan did as his lover bid, and came in carrying them. He frowned when he saw the unmoving figure laying on the bed. 'What's going on, Haldir?' he asked sleepily, walking over to the bed.

Haldir turned a grim face to the one he loved. 'I don't know how- or why- but this Elf is Legolas. And if I don't bring his child into the world now, they might both die.' His voice was serious and grave.

Elladan paled drastically, and handed over the clean knife, placing the cloths on the bed. 'What else can I do to help?'

'Bring a needle, thread, some herbs, and bandages,' Haldir instructed, as he turned to Legolas, taking the knife in his hand.

Elladan quickly ran off to do so, as Haldir went to work. He began to cut into Legolas' flesh, being very careful not to hurt the unborn child or its parent, at least more than he had to. Soon, a tiny, bloody male infant was in his hand. The baby wailed aloud, a soft, pleading cry, as he was removed from his warm, safe environment.

Haldir cleaned the little one off as best as he could, before he wrapped it in the softest cloth he could find, to keep it from getting chilled. He then cradled the baby in one arm, while tending to Legolas with the other.

Elladan returned and took the wailing newborn in his hands, after placing the herbs, thread, and needle on the bed. He spoke soothingly to the tiny infant, who hiccupped and continued crying against Elladan's chest, as if he sensed that his only parent was in danger of dying.

Haldir had used most of the cloths to slow the bleeding down, so he now put the thread in the needle and carefully began stitching up where he had cut out the child, checking the bleeding with more cloths. When he had finished, Haldir wet one of the few clean cloths that were left and gently cleaned the blood off of the stitches.

Legolas merely lay there, pale and unconscious. He was still breathing, however, which told the other two Elves that he was alive.

Haldir cleaned his hands for a second time, before he turned to Elladan. 'We need to find someone to feed the baby. Legolas is too exhausted and weak.' he murmured. The strain of the last two hours and finally caught up with him.

The newborn hiccupped pitifully, crying softly again for food. 

'All right. Aelvina gave birth a week ago; I'll take the baby to her,' Elladan said. 'She will surely not turn him away.'

Haldir nodded. 'I will stay here and tend to Legolas, as best as I can. If he makes it through the night, he will live.'

Elladan paled even more. 'And if he does not?'

'He is the son of Thranduil, my love. Legolas will not die so easily,' Haldir said, a knowing look in his eyes.

The tiny baby whimpered, echoing the faint whimper that came from Legolas. Elladan gave Haldir a worried look, before he bundled up the little one in even more cloths and put on his own cloak with the hood, using it to keep the rain off of the baby, as he stepped out again silently, urgency in his step.

Haldir split the herbs that promoted Elven healing, and rubbed the aloe onto the large, stitched gash. He then fetched a soft blanket and covered Legolas with it, before he sat on the other side of the bed, in case Legolas took a turn for the worse.

A few hours later, Haldir was finding it difficult to stay awake after a few hours had passed when Elladan entered once more, holding the babe carefully, supporting its fragile neck as he cradled the little boy against him. A bag of baby supplies was fastened to his back now; a gift from Aelvina for the new 'mother'.

'How is Legolas?' Elladan questioned, as he handed the sleeping newborn to Haldir slowly.

Haldir looked at Legolas. 'I think he'll be all right. He just needs to rest.' He held the baby in the same position that Elladan had.

Elladan nodded slowly, before he sat next to Haldir. The two watched Legolas carefully for the rest of the night, taking turns caring for the newborn.

***************************************************  
Gondor Castle, right after Legolas' son was born  
***************************************************  
  


A newborn baby girl cried in her mother's arms, as she was tenderly cradled. Arwen gently inspected the perfect tiny fingers and toes, before she turned to her husband. 

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Arwen breathed. The birth had taken much out of her, and she was weak. But it was worth it, for she had her perfect, dark-haired, blue-eyed baby girl, who had slightly pointed ears, showing her Elven heritage.

"Yes, Arwen," Elessar murmured, in awe of his newborn daughter. He reached out and was pleased when the infant grabbed a hold of his finger, whimpering, before she hiccupped. "What should we call her, Arwen?"

Arwen gently inspected her precious child again. "Her name… will be Kasia."

Elessar nodded, before he took a hold of little Kasia, cradling her fragile body carefully, which was wrapped in a small, pale pink sheet that was made of silk. "It's a lovely name, befitting a princess. Princess Kasia Telcontar." Elessar pressed his lips to Arwen's soft mouth, kissing her tenderly, before he kissed her forehead. "Rest, Arwen. I will care for her as I can while you do."

Arwen lovingly smiled at her husband, before she fell asleep, needing rest. Elessar kept an eye on his wife, as he next to her, admiring their lovely daughter. The only sadness that he felt on this joyous day was the fact that Legolas was not here to celebrate with them, as Elessar knew his best friend would have. Legolas would have been a big help to him as he waited for the child to be born.

But Legolas had not been seen since the wedding almost nine months ago. The beautiful, blond Elf had vanished three weeks after the wedding. And Elessar had no idea of why. He could not have known that his best friend was far away, struggling to remain alive.   
  
*******************  
Somewhere Unknown  
*******************  
  


Legolas awoke very late the next day, in severe pain, especially on his waist. He gasped slightly when he realized that he was inside somewhere. And that he was no longer in labor. What had happened to his child?

Haldir came in, carrying the tiny babe. He was relieved to see that Legolas was awake, for he had genuinely been worried. 'How are you feeling, Legolas?'

'Haldir.' Legolas murmured. His voice was weak and cracked slightly. 'How did I get here?'

'I brought you here, after you fainted,' Haldir answered.

Legolas tensed and whispered, 'What about **my** baby?'

Haldir simply took the almost day-old baby to his father. As for who the sire was, Haldir had no idea. 'You have a son, Legolas.' He placed the baby in Legolas' arms slowly.

Legolas gave his little son a careful looking over, inspecting the soft, blond wisps of hair, the blue eyes, the tiny, slightly pointed ears, and his perfect toes and fingers. 'He's beautiful. And worth everything.'

Haldir watched the baby hiccup and grab a hold of Legolas' finger, before trying to suck on it. 'What happened to you? How could a Prince get like this?'

'I have been disowned, so I am no longer a Prince,' Legolas informed Haldir, as he continued admiring his precious baby boy. 'Father will not accept his grandchild because I am not wed, and I refuse to give him up. He is all that I have left.'

'That's why you disappeared; because you knew what everyone would say.' Haldir frowned slightly. 'Why isn't his sire here?' Haldir sharply asked, silently condemning the person. Who could have just left Legolas alone like that?

Legolas ignored Haldir's question, and asked one of his own. 'How is Queen Arwen? I heard she was to give birth this day to Elessar's heir.'

Haldir frowned at Legolas for using his best friend's formal name, instead of 'Estel'. 'She gave birth yesterday as well, around the same time as you, I believe. Aelvina told me so, when I took your son to her for feeding.'

'I see.' Legolas gently traced a finger down the baby's cheek.

'Who is his sire?' Haldir sternly questioned. 'And where is he?'

Legolas looked straight at Haldir. 'I cannot tell you; I would ruin too many lives if I did.'

'You'd better tell us, Legolas, before I go around trying to find him myself. You nearly died!' The oldest son of Elrond snapped as he stormed into his house, where he went over to the bed and glared down at Legolas.

The baby whimpered slightly, and Legolas held his son protectively. 'I dare not, Elladan. Do not seek revenge for my honor; it is gone.'

The other two Elves were now both scowling at the dirt-streaked Elf.

Legolas remained silent, until Elladan finally said, 'Don't make us have to go to Lady Galadriel and ask her if we can look into her mirror to find out.'

'Do you swear not to tell anyone else, on both of your honors, even with the threat of death?' Legolas asked.

Both nodded, not understanding why this was so serious. They didn't understand why Legolas was so reluctant to name his son's sire.

Legolas took a deep breath and whispered, 'Elessar… Elessar is his sire.' He tensed, knowing that Elladan was going to yell at him.

'How dare you sleep with Arwen's husband!!' Elladan shouted. 'You lying…'

Legolas' quiet voice interrupted Elladan's tirade as he confessed, 'We were both drunk, Elladan. Neither of us knew what we were doing. It was before they wed. Three days before the wedding. Elessar and I… We both thought it was just a dream, until I found out three weeks later that I carried his child.'

Haldir was holding his lover back. 'This is serious, Legolas. Your son is also an heir to Gondor,' he pointed out.

'He is **my** son,' Legolas countered. 'Arwen's child will be the ruler of Gondor, should Aragorn ever die. No one will know the truth.' The blond Elf saw the loathing on Elladan's face. 'If it's any consolation, Elessar called me 'Arwen' the following morning, instead of using my name.'

'Doesn't he have the right to know the truth?' Elladan finally asked. 'Both Estel and the babe have that right.'

Legolas shook his head. 'This is my fault; I should have known that I could conceive a child. I will not ruin three innocent lives because of a one-night-stand, brought on by wine. Elleelen will be raised by me alone.'

Haldir disliked this plan of Legolas' intensely. 'If Elessar finds out…'

'He will not; he believes it was just a dream.' Legolas was carefully to keep his voice neutral, lest he betray himself with his overwhelming grief and despair.

'Hmm… 'Little Star'?' Elladan questioned, referring to the baby's name. He didn't know what else to say.

'Yes. He will be my little star; my only hope. My only reason for living,' Legolas answered, beaming at his tiny son, who clung to one of his fingers.

Elladan and Haldir shared an uneasy look. They both knew that Legolas would not be able to keep his secret forever. Elessar would eventually find out and when he did… Both Haldir and Elladan were glad that they would not be here to see it, for they were sailing West in two days.

To be continued


	2. Part 1. Oment- Au’

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Rated R for major angst, eventual attempted rape, and sexual innuendo. Takes place 10 years after the prologue. Not my song; it belongs to Enya! This is an AU! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " ".  
  
Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)  
  
Part 1. Oment- Au'  
(To Meet Again)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Who can say where the road goes,   
Where the day flows?   
Only time...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Silence was all that Legolas heard, as he carried his small son on his back, heading towards the small town near Gondor. He was glad of it, for it meant that everything was calm and quiet, with nothing to fear. He was more worried about running into Elessar again. His green legging, blue shirt, and tan tunic were faded in color, not nearly as bright as they used to be, as was the black cloak. It had once been silky and smooth; however, it, too, had felt the passage of time. But he cared not. The child who adored him with all of his heart meant more to Legolas than anything else in all of Middle-Earth.

Elleelen frowned when he saw the serious expression on his father's face. 'What's wrong, daddy?' he asked, concern showing in his grey eyes. He held onto his father tightly, for he enjoyed being with him more than anyone else in the world. His father was perfect, because he always had time for him, and never ever laid a hand on him in reprimand. The golden-haired boy wore a short-sleeved, brick-red shirt and dark brown leggings. Matching shoes were on his feet, though he disliked wearing shoes. He only did so because he knew that his daddy would be worried if he did not. He also wore a cloak; a green one. His hair was the exact shade of his father's, and his ears were slightly pointed. But his clothes were in much better condition than his daddy's clothes.

'Nothing, my son. I was just thinking of an old friend,' Legolas reassured his child. 'What do you think of the woods around Gondor?'

'Pretty,' Elleelen declared.

Indeed, the woods were beautiful, and much cooler than the open fields from which the two Elves had just traveled. Dark hemlocks, along with rowan, ash, and hazelnut trees spread out around the forest, giving it a variety of smells from their different ones. Leaves crackled beneath Legolas' feet, along with soft, green grass, though the blond Elf tread softly on the grass. Many blossoms of different colors; purple, gold, blue, and pink showed against the green ground, intermingled with leaves. Bushes grew everywhere, covered multi-colored leaves. Some leaves were red and some where green, but the bushes also had edible berries.

The sounds of a fight finally reached Legolas' ears, and he stopped walking for a moment to listen.

"Let me go, you rotten creeps!" a girl's voice yelled. "I'm warning you!"

Legolas gasped, for it was the voice was that of a child. He sprinted quickly towards the sound, reaching for the gleaming sword-hilt in the sheath hanging at his side. Elleelen gripped harder onto his father's shoulders, worry written across his young face. He was prepared when his father easily slipped him to the ground, along with his pack, before drawing his fancy sword.

Elleelen was right behind his father, carrying his pack, as they burst into a clearing and saw several unsavory figures carrying a twisting and struggling young girl hand and foot.

She kicked at them hard, trying to jerk free. "When my daddy finds out, he's gonna kill you!" she proclaimed haughtily.

Legolas stepped in front of the unknown figures. He didn't like the look of them, after he silently appraised them. No doubt they intended to use the little girl for ransom; it was obvious, considering that she wore a beautiful, blue, silk gown, which complimented her long, dark brown hair. She must have lost her shoes on the way, though, for her feet were bare.

"Release her, or else," Legolas said firmly, holding his sword in a defensive position. His sword was the only thing he had left, from his past. The gleaming jewels in the sword's hilt were worth a lot of money, but he would never sell his precious sword. He had already lost too much.

Kasia was pleased when a figure, wearing a dark cloak with the hood over his face, challenged the ones who were trying to kidnap her. Maybe now she could finally get home, because her father must surely be worried about her. She scowled at her kidnappers, as fiercely as her father had been known to. How dare they treat her like this? She was a crown princess, after all.

"No," the unnamed leader snarled. He gestured, and the girl's bare feet were set against the ground. She was held firmly by one of them, while the rest challenged the single figure.

Legolas easily dodged the first blow, stepping left, as he brought his sword up to slice across the first one's right arm. The gleaming, silver blade struck home, before he whirled and parried for a few moments with a second attacker, his azure eyes narrowed in concentration. He did not kill him, but brought his sword hilt up and slammed it into the head of the one who attacked him.

It was for his son's sake. And the girl's. He would have fought to kill if they had not been present, watching. But both were too young to witness death, even in self-defense, and Legolas was not about to destroy their innocence, as his had been shattered long ago, in his first battle. He began exchanging sword blows with the first attacker again, eventually rendering him unconscious.

Kasia stomped hard on the foot of the older human who held her, before she brought her leg forward. She then kicked backwards hard, directly into the shin of her kidnapper. The man bellowed and released her, so she grabbed her skirt up and ran. 

Elleelen reached the girl first, who looked about his age. "C'mon, we've got to get somewhere safe, while my daddy teaches those Men a lesson," he urged.

Kasia frowned. "Who're you?" she demanded. "I'm not supposed to go anywhere with strangers."

"Then what do you call them?" Elleelen pointed out. "My name is Elleelen."

"What kind of a name is Elleelen?" Kasia questioned, a puzzled look in her grey eyes.

Elleelen frowned slightly, for he thought she was being a bit rude. "It's Elfish," he said finally. 

"What's your name?"

"Princess Kasia Telcontar," she said regally.

Elleelen blinked.

Kasia scowled. "Call me Kasia," she finally muttered. Inwardly, she was wondering how this boy couldn't know who she was. She was the daughter of Elessar, King of Gondor.

"All right, Kasia," Elleelen said. He offered a smile, and was surprised to see Kasia's slightly pointed ears, which matched his own. "You are part Elf, too, aren't you?"

"Yeah, my mother was an Elf," Kasia told Elleelen. She glanced over at where most of her kidnappers lay unconscious. The rest were retreating before the figure in the cloak. "Your father is a good fighter," she admitted. "But my father could beat him."

Legolas sheathed his sword finally, before he walked over to the two children. "Are you all right, child?" he questioned in his gentle, alto voice, kneeling down to inspect her.

Kasia frowned. "I'm not a child," she said resentfully. "My name is Kasia. No, I'm not all right! I'm lost, my dress is torn and dirty, and my shoes are missing. And my father is going to kill me."

"I'm sure your father won't blame you for this," Legolas said reassuringly. For some reason, the name 'Kasia' sounded familiar to him. "Where do you live? We will take you home."

"Gondor," she said. "My father is the King there, and he will reward you for saving me from those nasty bandits."

Legolas paled. This girl... this dark-haired child could only be Arwen and Elessar's daughter. No wonder her name had seemed familiar to him; she was currently the only heir to the throne of Gondor. Legolas then glanced over at his son before silently amending that she was the only known heir.

"I shall return you to your father, and I do not require a reward," Legolas told her. He pulled his hood down, so she could see his features.

Kasia glanced from Elleelen to his father. "You look just alike," she announced. "Except his eyes are the same colour as mine, mister?" Kasia added thoughtfully, while waiting for her rescuer's name.

"Legolas," he told her. "My name is Legolas."

"Tis a pleasure to meet you, Legolas." Kasia gave a little curtsey, as best as she could.

Elleelen wrapped his arms around his much taller father's legs, for he had set the full pack on the ground. A hand came down and ruffled his long, golden hair, which hung down to his waist.

Kasia sighed. "Can we please get going, before my father gets really mad at me?"

Legolas smiled and nodded. He knelt down and searched through the pack, before coming up with Elleelen's spare, light blue shoes. He offered them to Kasia, who looked stunned.

"Those are boys' shoes," she protested.

"It's better than running around barefoot," Legolas reasoned.

Kasia scowled, but took the shoes and slid them on. They were a little too small for her, but she grudgingly kept them on. "Which way do we go?" she questioned, glancing around. "I've never been this far from home before."

Legolas slung his pack over his shoulder, stood, and placed a hand on his young son's shoulder, before he glanced over at Kasia. "This way," he said, before he began walking.

"Hey! I'm royalty, so I should be walking first!" she cried.

"Do you know the way?" Legolas rationalized calmly.

Elleelen shook his head. Kasia seemed pretty self-centered, in his opinion. He wondered why she was acting like this. Princess or not, she was being very rude. His daddy had just saved her, after all, and she hadn't even thanked him.

"No," Kasia said sullenly.

"Then I should lead, for I do know the way," Legolas murmured as he started walking again.

Kasia nodded slowly, and trudged next to the taller Elf. She saw a frown on Elleelen's face, and instantly stuck her tongue out at him. Boys were annoying, in her opinion. All they wanted to do was play tricks on girls. She herself had been the victim of numerous pranks, until she had learned to fight back better than them.

Elleelen rolled his eyes. "Stop acting like a child," he said condescendingly.

"I **am** a child!" Kasia yelled angrily, putting her hands on her hips. "And a **Princess**."

"Princess or not, you ought to learn manners," Elleelen told her.

In all honesty, Kasia could not be faulted for her tendency towards arrogance. After her mother died of a fever which no human could cure, Elessar had spoiled his only child, cosseting her and giving her everything she wanted, in an attempt to make up for the loss of her mother. Though Kasia barely remembered her mother, for she had been but one when Arwen had died.

"Enough," Legolas said firmly, placing a hand on his son's shoulder.

The two almost ten-year-olds glared at each other briefly, before heeding Legolas.

The group of three walked silently for hours, until Kasia groaned aloud. She was not used to walking this like, and it was way past her bedtime. She had never spent the night in the woods, either, and bitterly did the little daughter of Elessar regret sneaking out of the castle to have an adventure. She'd had one, all right.

Legolas instantly called a halt, and found a secluded clearing for the three of them to sleep. Elleelen began spreading out the sand they used for fires, to keep the forest from catching a light, as his father gathered firewood together and kindling. With their combined efforts, a cheerful fire was lit in no time.

Kasia was shivering from cold and crept closer to the fire, wanting to get warm. She was miserable and sore, not to mention scared and hungry. She was surprised to see a gentle, understanding smile on Legolas' face, before the Elf handed her some dried meat from his pack, along with two blankets.

Legolas leaned against a tree, letting the children get their warmth from the fire. He himself did not plan on sleeping this night, especially after the encounter with the kidnappers.

Kasia ate quickly, embarrassing herself, as she gulped down the dried meat. It had been several hours since she'd last eaten. She then wrapped the blankets around her, but she couldn't sleep. She was too wary and scared to sleep, though she would never admit it.

Elleelen leaned against his father, yawning slightly. Legolas gently took out another blanket and covered his half asleep son with it. A paternal smile was on his face, as he gently tousled Elleelen's hair. 

Kasia looked over at her rescuer. "Thank you for saving me," she whispered, when she realized that she had not said those words earlier.

"You're welcome. Get some rest, Kasia. It's going to take two or three days to reach Gondor," Legolas said.

"I can't sleep," she protested. Kasia sighed, and sniffled slightly, before putting her hands into the pockets of her dress. To her surprise, she found out that the piece of charcoal that she'd been using to draw earlier was still there, along with a rolled piece of parchment, even after her desperate struggles with the ones that had kidnapped her. Now, if she could just find something to draw. "Um, Legolas?" Kasia asked softly. 

Legolas glanced over again from where he'd been fixing the blanket around his son, who was now sound asleep. "Yes?"

Kasia was slightly uncertain as she whispered, "Could... could I draw you? Please?"

"Sure," Legolas answered, not seeing any reason why she shouldn't. It would probably relax her enough to let her sleep. Though Legolas had to be honest with himself; first, he'd never expected to meet Elessar's daughter like this, or for Elleelen to meet his half sister. Second, he was not at all happy about going back to Gondor.

Kasia beamed, very reminiscent of Arwen. She took out the parchment and unrolled it, before removing the small charcoal piece. She bit her lower lip thoughtfully, as she first began sketching a rough outline of Legolas against the tree. Once the outline was done, Kasia slowly moved forward, to fill in some of the details of his face.

The charcoal flew across the page as she sketched for a few hours, until she was satisfied with the result. Charcoal sketching was one thing that she did really well and that Kasia enjoyed very much. Though to her artist's eyes, Legolas seemed... well sad, even when he smiled. It was written in his cerulean eyes.

While Kasia sketched him, Legolas pulled out the dark green material from his bag, a needle, and thread, and continued working on a new shirt for his son. Elleelen seemed to be getting taller every day, and was outgrowing his red shirt, as well as his leggings, he mused. When Legolas finished the shirt, he was going to start on a fresh pair of leggings, until he saw how tired Elessar's young daughter was. Legolas stopped sewing his tiny, perfect stitches, and replaced the material, thread, and needle in his bag.

Kasia yawned sleepily, finally relaxed enough go to sleep. After carefully rolling the parchment up and putting it in her pocket, she fell asleep where she was, with her blankets wrapped tightly around her. But even they didn't keep her warm. 

Legolas looked up when he heard her breathing softly and saw that she was shivering. He carefully 

reached out and lifted Kasia over to his other side, opposite of Elleelen. Kasia snuggled against the older, adult Elf for warmth, looking like a very young child. 

Which she was, Legolas reminded himself. That was why he did not chastise her for her behavior, for Kasia had been kidnapped and would probably have been treated a lot crueler if he had not rescued her. It was natural for her to be upset about what had happened to her.  
  


The next few days passed by with a single incident and they reached Gondor. Legolas and Elleelen hid their features with their cloaks, lest Elessar himself might see Legolas and realize who he truly was. Kasia didn't understand the need for such secrecy, but she didn't say anything, because she was happy to be home again. Though she would miss both Legolas and Elleelen, because as bad as she still thought boys were, Elleelen was pretty nice. He hadn't thrown mud at her or anything.

Gondor was a very large city. Numerous multi-colored buildings were everywhere, with different shades of blue, brown, white, and red, along with mostly black roofs, except for the castle.

Carts and stands were in the street, and many people bustled around it, searching for a particular piece of fruit or an item. The ground was smooth and easy to walk on, and the castle in the distance was lovely to behold. It was breathtaking, as always, with its numerous, sparkling spires and tiers; the rounded walls and each recess, with different shades of gray all over it.

Elleelen did send a wistful glance towards a cart with sewn, stuffed animals, before he continued following his father. Legolas kept one hand on each of the children's shoulders, as he led them directly towards the castle quickly. His hood was pulled low over his face, keeping anyone from recognizing him, though many stared, because of Legolas' obvious grace and agility.

When they reached the castle, the guards tried to prevent them from entering. Legolas was not prepared to fight them off, knowing it would only bring unwanted attention to them.

"Let me through," Kasia said angrily. "My father is the king here."

The guard stared down at her. "Little princess! Where have you been?" he cried. "Your father is out searching for you!"

"I got kidnapped. But they saved me," Kasia muttered as she gestured to Elleelen and Legolas.

"I'm sorry," the guard told the stranger in the dark gray cloak. "Please come inside; I am certain that the king will wish to thank you personally and reward you."

"I need no reward," Legolas replied. "I'm just glad that I was able to save her. I must go now, before I am late for my job."

The guard frowned. "Do you wish to insult my king?"

Legolas inclined his head. "A king surely knows that all common people have jobs that they must do to earn their living." He knelt down and placed a hand on Kasia's hair. "I would advise you to think, next time, before you sneak out of the castle."

Kasia made a face, but nodded. She definitely didn't want something like that happening again. "Goodbye," she said, after hugging Legolas tightly. "Thanks again." With that, the little girl ran into the palace, to get cleaned up.

Legolas and Elleelen silently headed out of Gondor, to continue on their journey. Legolas scooped his son up into his arms, holding him tightly. The Elf was very glad that Elessar had not been in his castle when they had arrived, or things could have been worse. But Legolas said nothing of this to his young son, who would not have understood.

Later that day, King Elessar Telcontar returned to his castle silently, with a grim look on his face. He had found no sign of his daughter anywhere, and was starting to wonder if he would ever find her, for she was nowhere to be found. She had been missing for almost four whole days now.

Kasia was his only link to Arwen now, though the years that had gone by had dulled his pain over losing her. However, Elessar knew that he would not be able to stand it if he lost Kasia as he had lost her mother. So it came as a shock to him when he returned and the guard told him that his daughter had been returned to the castle safely and was inside waiting for him in her room.

The King jumped off his horse and raced into the castle, and up the three flights of stairs to his daughter's room. He burst into the room, and saw Kasia was there, messing with a scrap of parchment. He crossed the room in three strides and hugged her tightly, blessing Elbereth.

Kasia hugged her father back and was very happy to see him. She had just finished copying the sketch she had made of Legolas onto another piece of parchment, so she could color it in. She turned back to it as soon as her father released her, and carefully colored the sketch in, giving Legolas his blond hair and blue eyes, along with that haunted look in them.

"What happened to you, my daughter? I was so worried." Elessar murmured.

Kasia sighed. "I was stupid and snuck out of the castle, only I wound up being kidnapped. Two nice Elves saved me and brought me back."

Elessar raised a dark eyebrow slightly, skeptical. There were no Elves near Gondor; if there had been, the Elves could have saved Arwen's life when she had contracted that deadly fever. "Tell me the truth, Kasia," he said sternly.

"I am telling the truth!" she cried, hurt in her grey eyes. "See?" Kasia shoved the newly colored sketch at her father. "That's who rescued me, along with Elleelen."

Elessar frowned but took the parchment, studying it carefully. He paled slightly when he saw the perfect sketch of a golden-haired Elf with azure eyes. A smile was on the Elf's perfect face, but a saddened look was in his eyes. He seemed sorrowful, even as he smiled. Though ten years had gone by, Elessar had never forgotten who this Elf was; his missing best friend. But how...why?

"Kasia, did he tell you what his name was?" Elessar questioned, wanting to be certain.

Kasia nodded. "The nice elf told me that his name was Legolas."  
  
To be continued


	3. Part 2. Utu- Lle

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Rated R for major angst, eventual attempted rape, and sexual innuendo. Takes place two months after the last chapter. Not my song; it belongs to Enya! This is an AU! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Legolas' thoughts are in . Lemon warning!  
  
Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)  
  
Part 2. Utu- Lle  
(To Find You)   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
And who can say if your love grows,   
As your heart chose?   
Only time...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


Legolas scrubbed at the dishes that were piled up in the sink as fast as he could. Elleelen was outside playing with some of his friends, while his father worked. The once soft, flawless, and slender hands now had calluses and were currently bright red from the heat of the water being used to clean the dirty dishes. Legolas used a rag to remove the dirt and bits of food on them, before placing the dishes on the drying rack.

He was a diligent worker and trustworthy; that was why he had been trusted to keep the household in order while Lord Allen was away, along with his wife. The lord's son had not gone with his father; instead, he had chosen to stay with a friend for a few days, which relieved Legolas. He disliked the youth, but it was not his place to criticize.

The garments he currently wore were gray and faded, but suitable for cleaning in. A torn, gray cloak with a hood covered his hair and face. Legolas planned to change into his better clothes later, before his lord arrived home. He directed the other servants on what to do next; the floors had to be washed, the bedrooms aired out, the dinner prepared, and the furniture dusted. There was cause for the great hurry, for Lord Allen would be home soon, and his lady would need to rest after dinner, for she was pregnant with her second child.

So Legolas was somewhat distracted when a knock came on the door. He finished with the dishes and wiped his grubby hands clean, before he went over to the door and opened it. The instant he did he was horrified, and Legolas nearly slammed the door shut. 

Elessar frowned when the door almost closed in his face. He had not gotten a good look at the servant, who was easily identified by his clothes. "Is Lord Allen at home?" he inquired. The lord was a good friend to him, and had extended an invitation to him for dinner this week.

"Sorry, my lord was called away on a family emergency," Legolas automatically answered.

Elessar narrowed his eyes; that voice was very familiar to him. "When will he be back?"

Legolas appropriately lowered his gaze as he murmured, "Later this evening. You are welcome to wait for him, sir, if you wish to." He was glad that Elessar had not gotten a good look at him yet, because that would have been really bad. So the blond Elf played at being demure, while silently praying to Elbereth that Elessar would go away and leave him alone.

"I shall wait for him," Elessar replied. He was pleased when the door opened all of the way, and stepped inside the house.

The house was made entirely out of natural wood; the walls and furniture matched. A few rugs covered some of the floors, though most were bare. Bookcases were all over the place, with several books on each, and a couple of tapestries were on the wall. A cheerful fire was lit in the main room, which is where Legolas led Elessar silently.

Elessar sat down wearily on the nearest chair. He barely noticed the wary expression on the face of the servant who stood there. 

"Would you like some ale or wine, sir?" Legolas respectfully asked. As the head of the servants, it was his job to tend to guests when Lord Allen was not home.

Elessar frowned, and finally focused on the servant, who stood there with his face gazing down at the ground. "Ale would be fine," he murmured.

Legolas eagerly started to leave the room, before he heard a discreet cough. The blond Elf gritted his teeth, turned around, and bowed. Then he left the room, seething inside over how humiliating that had been.

He returned to the kitchen, walking silently through the hallways, and entered it from the opposite side. After washing his hands, which pained him slightly, Legolas took one of the good wine goblets and poured some ale into it, filling it to the brim. 

"What should be served tonight?" the cook anxiously asked. A worried look was on her face.

"Lord Allen prefers meat; prepare the leftover steak and make certain that it is well done. As for vegetables, there are plenty of carrots, potatoes, and peas to cook. Place them in a pot and let them heat over the fire, but do not let them overcook, or it will be impossible to remove them for the water. Add some seasoning to them; maybe a touch of basil or cloves," Legolas told her calmly, before leaving the kitten to tend to their guest.

Once he had entered the main room, he carefully carried the goblet of ale over to Elessar and handed it to him quietly. The rest of the servants bustled around, dusting, scrubbing floors, and polishing. 

"Can I get you anything else, sire?" 

"You know me?" Elessar responded, an eyebrow raised slightly. 

Legolas sighed and murmured, "Who would not know the King of Gondor?" Silently he adding, I could never forget you, Elessar. Not even if a millennia had gone by since we last met.

Elessar pressed, "Who are you? I don't recall having seen you here before."

"I am new here, and my name is my own business. You are not the one for whom I work; I am not obligated to tell you," Legolas swiftly replied.

"Show more respect when speaking to a King," Elessar warned, a hint of anger in his dark, stormy eyes.

Legolas bit back a sigh. No wonder Kasia had acted the way she had; Elessar had a tendency to be arrogant as well. Though he was capable of surprising gentleness, which had proved itself that night, so long ago. It was too bad that Elves had such perfect memories, Legolas mused. He was the only one of the two who remembered everything clearly, though even **he** had not realized what they had done that night. It had taken months for him to fully remember just what had happened…  
  
***************  
Flashback  
***************

Legolas sat next to Elessar at a table, in an isolated tavern. The two friends had stopped to rest for the night, as they headed back to Gondor after working together to defeat some bandits, who persisted in raiding the innocent villagers of a nearby town.

Legolas had not noticed or cared how much he drank; he had been uncharacteristically silent the entire journey. Being like this with Elessar hurt him terribly, as he listened to the handsome Man, who spoke of his upcoming marriage. He himself had drank several bottles of wine, before the pain finally tapered off a bit in his heart.

Elessar had tried to figure out what was wrong with Legolas, but he could not. The Elf kept saying that he was fine, and had put quite a bit of expensive wine away. Elessar drank because of two reasons; he was frightened of his upcoming marriage, and because he felt regret for something, as he looked straight at the beautiful Elf sitting next to him. Both had drank nearly forty glasses of wine.

Legolas hiccupped and rested his head against Elessar, who sat next to him. 'You're my best friend,' he slurred.

'No, you're my best friend,' Elessar argued drunkenly. 'And you smell nice.'

Legolas shook his head, feeling a strange buzzing inside of it. He felt very strange, and hiccupped again. 'Do you see it? The room is spinning,' he informed Elessar.

Elessar stood and nearly fell over. Legolas then stood as well and helped Elessar, supporting him on his shoulder. It was probably a good thing that the room they had rented was just upstairs, for the two stumbled and nearly tripped over their own feet several times as they made their way upstairs.

Elessar felt weird as well, completely relaxed, as Legolas got them into the room, nearly falling as he did so. The drunk Man and Elf both fell onto the bed in the small room, with Elessar draped across Legolas. Both simultaneously moaned, before they looked at each other through glazed eyes.

Elessar stirred a little, and somehow wound up pinning Legolas to the bed. The Elf giggled slightly at his friend, forgetting his troubles. He felt deliciously light and easy, as if he had no troubles in the world.

Elessar let out a ragged groan as Legolas moved beneath him, arching slightly in his giggles. The Man hungrily pressed his lips to the Elf's in a drunken stupor. He couldn't think of a single reason of why this was wrong, as he savored the delicious kiss.

Legolas eagerly responded, prying his way into Elessar's mouth with his tongue. This seemed like a really good idea to him, and he wasn't thinking clearly. Both tasted of wine, spicy and potent. Hands ripped at clothes in desperation when the kisses grew deeper, and Elessar firmly ravaged the Elf's supple, moist mouth with his own tongue.

Their bare skin burned as it touched and garments were dropped to the floor, and the two explored each other greedily, as if they could not get enough of each other. Legolas and Elessar both hiccupped, not realizing that what they were doing would have lasting repercussions.

Legolas giggled again as Elessar began nibbling at his neck, and just lay there, enjoying the feel of the Man who was touching him in such delicious ways. Warm, coarse hands worked over the lithe, smooth Elven body.

Elessar made love slowly to the beautiful body beneath him. He did not recognize who the Elf was, or anything else, as he tenderly joined their bodies into one.

Indescribable pleasure was what they both felt at that moment…  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


Legolas was jolted out of his slightly fuzzy memories by a hand that fiercely gripped his arm.

Elessar wondered if the servant was in some kind of shock, for he had asked a question, but had gotten no response. So he had stood and now held the servant by his shoulders, dwarfing the smaller figure easily.

Legolas then made the biggest mistake in his entire Immortal life. He glanced up, and the hood slipped. But he was still trying to control his emotions, after those bittersweet memories had come and gone again.

'Legolas?' Elessar breathed, incredulous. His grip tightened on the Elf, who instantly panicked.

Legolas immediately jerked free of the firm grip and bolted away. He might have made it outside, if he had not directly run into Lord Allen's son.

The twenty-year-old turned to sneer down at the servant, to say something cruel and nasty, until he got a good look at the golden-haired Elf. Raid had never seen the Elf without his hood on.

True, his clothes were disgraceful, but Legolas' body had never lost any of its beauty. Slender, graceful, and with ivory skin that shone like moonlight. Slightly curved hips, and wide, azure eyes, along with strands of hair that shone like pure gold. His face was still beautiful, even with the strange expression in his eyes.

Legolas froze when his forearm was grabbed by the youth, which Raid was, compared to the former Prince's age. 

"Pretty… Well, almost pretty," Raid said thoughtfully. He firmly gripped Legolas' chin and lifted it slightly, tilting his face up to inspect it. "Decent clothes and a bath would make you flawless," he smirked, lust shining in his nearly black eyes. "Perhaps I should make you my personal servant from now on."

Legolas wrenched his arm loose. "You are not my master."

Raid narrowed his eyes at the impudence of the lowly servant, Elf or not. "I am the son of your master," he said deliberately. "You must obey me. In all matters."

"I have no master," Legolas countered, not seeing that Elessar had come up behind him. "And I may be your father's servant, but for your information, feudalism is dead. I have the right to say no to you."

Elessar darkly scowled as he realized what was going on. "Legolas has a point, Raid. I have outlawed slavery in Gondor." Though he wondered why, in the name of Elbereth, that Legolas had become a servant? 

Elessar carefully inspected his best friend, who looked all right physically, except for that strange, haunted look that still existed in his eyes. The gray clothes he wore, however, were a disgrace. Especially since the King of Gondor's own clothes were made of silk and satin, along with velvet.

All were pulled out of their thoughts and glaring match as a boy ran into the house crying, "Daddy! Lord Allen's entered the town!"

Legolas stepped away from Raid and caught his son up in a hug. "All right, Elleelen. But you know you're not to come inside without permission." But he took a few moments to hold his precious son tightly.

Elessar's mouth dropped open slightly at the golden-haired boy in Legolas' arms. The child was nearly the spitting image of his father, except for his ears and grey eyes. The Man gaped at the noticeable tender affection between father and son.

Raid scowled and snapped, "What is that brat doing in here?"

"He's not a brat," Elessar instantly countered. "He's just a boy."

"Come, Elleelen. Keep me company while I change," Legolas murmured. He set the boy on the floor, and led him back to the servants' quarters by the hand.

Elessar silently followed, wanting to speak with Legolas more. 

"Unless you want to visit the servants' quarters, you'd better wait for him to change, your majesty," Raid said slyly. 

"How long has he worked here for?" Elessar inquired, as he paused briefly. 

Raid thought for a few moments. "He worked at my father's summer house near Rohan for a few years, before he was brought up here."

Elessar tucked the information away for future reference. The circumstances didn't matter; he was not going to allow an Elven Prince to be treated like a servant, and worse. Especially not when the Prince was his best friend.

So he went after the Elf, intending to speak seriously with him. The few other servants glanced at him curiously when he asked where Legolas had gone, but they pointed him towards the back of the servant quarters.

Legolas had sent Elleelen back outside, so he now stood in the small bathing room alone. He had already removed his shirt and tunic, and was quickly sponging off the dirt on him, pausing briefly to run a few fingers up the thin scar that still remained from Elleelen's birthing, before he continued, wiping his face and arms clean.

Elessar entered as Legolas pulled his patched-up green shirt over his head and down, covering the scar. The Man narrowed his grey eyes and cleared his throat. 

Legolas had known that Elessar had entered the room. So he ignored his friend until he had the shirt all the way on. 'What is it, Elessar?' Legolas questioned, slipping into Elvish, as he unceremoniously removed his pathetic leggings and replaced them with frayed brown ones. No tunic went over the shirt, and Legolas began using his fingers to straighten his hair.

'Come on, Legolas. I don't care how or why this happened, but I am not going to watch you just slave away, picking up after other people,' Elessar snapped. 

'It's honest work,' Legolas retorted. 

Elessar countered, 'You are an Elven Prince, Legolas! You cannot be a servant!'

'I see,' Legolas mused. 'Apparently, my esteemed father did not see fit to inform you that I am no longer his son.' His voice was bitter, bordering on sarcasm.

'What? Why?' Elessar asked, confused. Why would Thranduil disown Legolas? It didn't make any sense to him at all.

Legolas sighed deeply and continued messing with his hair. 'Because of my son. I was not wed when he was born; nor am I wed now.'

Elessar frowned. 'Why didn't you marry his mother before she gave birth?'

'Because I am the one who one who gave birth to Elleelen, Elessar.' Legolas spoke quietly, as he slipped on his soft sandals. 'Elleelen is the only thing in the world that I can honestly call my greatest accomplishment.'

'An Elven male cannot have a child,' Elessar scoffed. 

'You are forgetting what Lord Elrond taught you,' Legolas told his former best friend. 'A Silvan male Elf can- and I did.' 

Elessar shook his head, getting his mind back to one point. 'You and Elleelen are coming back to Gondor Castle with me, so we can talk about this rationally.'

Legolas' cobalt eyes narrowed. 'I cannot; I must work for my living,' he argued. 'I have a decent job and-'

'-and nothing. Don't make me order you to come to Gondor,' Elessar growled.

'You are not my king and cannot order me around,' Legolas reminded Elessar coldly. 'I do not need you to always run to my rescue. I am the one who made this mess, and I must pay the price.'

Elessar's hands went to his hips, resting on the soft, black breeches that he wore, made of something very like velvet. His own dark green shirt, made of silk, and his matching cloak contrasted with the grey tunic he wore. He scowled down at his best friend.

Legolas stood in the exact same position, in his sorry, patched brown leggings and faded green shirt, glaring at Elessar.  
  
To be continued


	4. Part 3. Demad Amin

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Rated R for major angst, eventual attempted rape, and sexual innuendo. Not my song; it belongs to Enya! This is an AU! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Aragorn and Legolas' thoughts are in .   
  
Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)  
  
Part 3. Demad Amin  
(Forget Me)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Who can say why your heart sighs,   
As your love flies?   
Only time...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


Elessar was incredulous. Why was Legolas acting so stubborn about this? Elessar was not going to let Legolas work himself to death, no matter what he had to do.

'Legolas, this isn't like you. You've never minded before when I tried to help you,' Elessar finally said. 'Why is it different this time?'

Legolas narrowed his cobalt eyes. 'There are other people who are far worse off than me, Elessar. Why don't you help them? I have my son, a roof over my head, and decent food; I need nothing else. I am not a child and I do not need you to treat me like one. I made a decision all those years ago; I knew how hard it would be to raise a child by myself. I have never regretted my decision, for Elleelen has brought joy into my life, and he loves me.'

'You expect me to just walk away and leave you here?' Elessar asked sarcastically. 'I can't do that, Legolas.'

'I'm telling you to, Elessar. Forget you saw me; return to Gondor and take care of Kasia,' Legolas replied sincerely. 'She needs you far more than I.'

Elessar questioned, 'Why did you help her? Since I seem to no longer be your best friend, you had no reason to.'

Legolas raised one of his dark eyebrows slightly. 'Elessar, I would have saved anyone who was being kidnapped like she was. I didn't know she was your daughter.' He sighed and whispered, 'Forget about me, Elessar.'

Elessar grabbed Legolas by the shoulders and fiercely shook him. 'I could never forget you, Legolas! We've been friends for countless years. Why are you suddenly changing that? Did I do something to offend you?'

'Nay, Elessar! I made my bed and now I must lie in it,' Legolas said. Though his love for the Man who stood next to him still remained, even after ten years of exile. The love Legolas felt had, however, slowly died from a burning fire to the faint warmth of a flickering match, which sputtered as it tried not to die.

The former Elven Prince had long given up hope of ever being with Aragorn, even after Arwen had died. He'd had no idea, for he was far away when the news reached him of her death. If truth be told, Legolas could have saved her life, had he been in Gondor. But instead, he had been caring for his son, who had been only one at that time. When he wasn't taking care of Elleelen, Legolas had been working as a waiter in a tavern, until the tavern owner had tried to make him become a prostitute.

Legolas had refused to sell his self-respect, and still possessed it now. Though there was a quieter way about him, for his long, lonely, hard years had taught him just how pampered he had been as an Elven Prince. Begging for food the first two years of Elleelen's life had been degrading, but it had been worth it, to keep his son fed. To see the joy in Elleelen's eyes when they had something good to eat.

After those two years, Legolas had been taken on as an assistant servant by Lord Allen, who had swiftly promoted him up to the head of the servants in his house near Rohan. The Lord was kindly and never raised a hand to him, and more than generous. When Elleelen was ill, Legolas was allowed time off to tend to his child, and he had a very good job.

Legolas had, however, been reluctant to move so near to Gondor, when Lord Allen had asked it of him. But the increase in his wages was too much to pass up; if Legolas worked here for another three years, he would have enough money to buy a house for himself and Elleelen to live in. Now Aragorn was here and he just wanted to control everything.

Elessar snapped, 'Who is his fat- other father? Why isn't he here, helping you to raise your son?'

'Elleelen is my son's name,' Legolas retorted. 'As for his sire. I do not have to tell you. Since when do I have to account to you for anything?'

'Since whoever the bastard is left you to fend for yourself and Elleelen,' Elessar argued. Part of him was jealous. Jealous that Legolas had been with someone else instead of him.

Legolas silently wondered what Elessar would do if he realized he was calling himself a bastard. 

'Elessar... the truth is... he does not know. He was to be married at the time, and I didn't want to break up his marriage. Though I loved him dearly, I had to let him go,' Legolas murmured.

Elessar sighed, 'Legolas… A father has the right to know if he has a child, and the child has the right to know his father. And I never knew you were the type to get involved with another's husband.'

'It was short-lived; one night,' Legolas muttered. He was more determined now than ever to keep Elessar from knowing that he was Elleelen's father, especially after what he had just said. Nothing Legolas could say would justify his actions to Elessar, at least in **his** opinion, the beautiful Elf mused. 'Elessar, I have a job I need to do right now. We can talk about this later. And I am not going to Gondor. That's final.'

Elessar silently thought to himself, If you think I'm going to give up so easily, Legolas, you're dead wrong. What are you hiding from me? The handsome Man gazed at Legolas, before slowly drifting out a hand to touch his cheek.

Legolas gasped softly at the hand on his face. A wave of desire swept through him, as he licked his lips. Oh, Elbereth! Legolas silently groaned. How can he still do this to me, even after all this time?

It was as it had always been; one touch from Elessar was enough to make Legolas forget about everything else. Even about the secret he was hiding from the Man who was looking at him wordlessly.

Elessar briefly wondered why this felt so familiar, lowering his gaze to that perfect, inviting mouth, which was slightly parted. As if drawn in by magic, Elessar ever so softly kissed Legolas, and, suddenly overcome with soaring need and heat, the soft kiss turned harder.

Legolas' body responded to it, as his own lips feverishly returned the kiss. Hands swept around his waist, pulling him closer, until they were pressed against each other, greedily kissing the other hungrily.

A betraying moan left Legolas, and it sobered him up. He could not afford to get pregnant by Elessar a second time, which was a very real possibility. Not now, not with Elleelen to worry about.

'No, Elessar,' he stated firmly, trying to step back.

Elessar peered into Legolas' eyes, trying to understand how this seemed like it had happened before. A sudden flashback appeared in his mind.

***********  
Flashback  
***********  
  


It was fuzzy... hazy. A voice called to Elessar, who could barely make out anything in his blurry vision. Elessar could not see anything clearly, as he lay on the bed.

Something warm and sweet lay underneath him, uttering delicate cries. Sweet kisses… Soft lips… Smooth skin…

His hands seemed to have a life of their own, as they caressed a silky, pale body, though Elessar could not make out who it was. Soft giggles were what he heard, feeling a squirming body pressed against him, as he made love to the person.

It was sweet and tender, accompanied by groans and whimpers for more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elessar shook his head slightly, wondering where that had come from. He took a closer look at Legolas, who had a tense expression on his face. The King of Gondor didn't understand all of this, but he refused to just pretend that he had not seen Legolas.

Legolas jerked free and stepped back from his best friend. 'Leave me be, Elessar. I don't want you to touch me or kiss me.' His voice was cold and matter-of-fact.

'Then why are you trembling? And why did you kiss me back?' Elessar harshly questioned, as he watched the faint trembles with calculating eyes. 

"Am I interrupting?" Raid flatly said. He glanced at Legolas, narrowing his dark eyes. "Tis not my place to come fetch a late servant. You'd do well to remember your place, Elf.'

Legolas wordlessly glared at Raid, but said nothing. He silently bowed, slow and deliberately to Elessar, before leaving. He would not pick a fight with the son of Lord Allen. He owed the Man too much for that.

Elessar was angered by the bow Legolas had given him. He knew it was meant to be a slap in his face; a reminder of just how different their positions were now. He was a King, and Legolas was a servant. A servant, yes, but still a beautiful Elf. Elessar might have taken a few moments to think of a might-have-been wistfully, if Raid had not cleared his throat and gestured for him to walk ahead of him.

Elessar disliked Lord Allen's son, because of his condescending attitude. The youth never failed to talk down to those that he considered less than him. Though he did suck up to those who were of a higher rank- like him. Elessar was upset because of what Raid had said to Legolas, about the Elf remembering his place.

The King of Gondor silently walked back to greet his friend, for he knew Lord Allen well. The two had been friends since the day Lord Allen had saved his life from an assassination attempt a few years ago. Elessar had gratefully given Lord Allen an offer of any reward he could name; the only thing he asked for was a permanent home near Gondor, for Lord Allen was a wealthy Man in his own right and did not need money. But he desired to live closer to Gondor, for it was better for his wife.

Lord Allen was pleased to see King Elessar again, as he half-carried his wife into the house. Legolas was instructing the other servants to be careful bringing in the luggage, as he himself carried the two heaviest trunks. He winced slightly, but showed no other sign of pain, as he promptly placed the trunks in the large and spacious room that Lord Allen shared with his wife.

Legolas took a few moments, glancing around to make certain that everything was in order. Scented candles were lit, giving the finely furnished room a sweet smell. The rug had been swept, and the silk, satin, and velvet blankets on the large bed had been turned down, for the mistress. The bookshelf was freshly polished and the books straightened. The walls had a few tapestries hanging from them, the symbol of Gondor on them.

Legolas gave a satisfied nod and returned to the hallway. His mistress was practically asleep standing up, the Elf noted, so he waited for a lull in the conversation before demurely questioning, "Do you need rest, my lady?"

Lady Marian smiled at the Elven servant, for she was a gentle soul. "I believe I do," she answered, before looking at her husband. She was fond of Legolas, and knew she could trust him with any errand she might have for him, because he had proved his loyalty numerous times.

Many had tried to bribe Legolas away, but he turned them all down. As long as he- and Elleelen- were well treated, he was not going to turn his back on the kindness that Lord Allen and Lady Marian had shown him.

"Please escort her to the bedroom," Lord Allen requested, looking at his wife with concern on his face. Yet he did not want to be rude to the King, either, so he was torn between his love for his wife, and his friendship with Elessar.

Legolas nodded and silently walked over to Lady Marian, who took a hold of his arm. She 

apologized to both Elessar and her husband for being such a poor hostess, before allowing Legolas to lead her to the bedroom.

Once there, Lady Marian entered and climbed directly into bed. Legolas removed her shoes and covered her with the blankets when he realized that she had fallen asleep the instant she had laid down. The Elf blew out the candles and left noiselessly, closing the door behind him.

Elessar, Lord Allen, and Raid were now sitting at the fancy, carved, natural wood table, with the King of Gondor at the head of the table, because of Allen's insistence, and the other two seated on his right.

Legolas was officially free for the evening now, so he went outside to fetch Elleelen, who was waiting for him. His young son ran over to him, and was swept up into his father's arms, laughing. The merry laughter of youth echoed around the silence of the evening.

Legolas pressed his face close to Elleelen's, which was a combination of his face, as well as Elessar's. Blue eyes gazed at grey ones, and identical smiles appeared on each.

Elessar had stepped to the doorway, along with Lord Allen, while waiting for the food to finish cooking, and the two watched the father and son.

Elleelen hugged his father closely, with an expression of adoration on his young face. 'I love you, daddy.'

'I love you too, my son. Nothing will ever change that,' Legolas returned fiercely. He enjoyed these moments with his son, who was all he had in the world.

Elleelen saw the sad expression in his father's eyes and began tickling him, to cheer him up. Legolas laughed and turned a doting expression on his son.

Lord Allen was surprised at the strange expression on his friend's face, as Elessar gazed directly at the blond, beautiful Elf. "Do you fancy him, my king?" he questioned quietly.

Elessar looked straight at his friend. "Legolas is-was my best friend, until he disappeared ten years ago. I found out why he ran, but I do not understand why he shuns my offer of help."

Lord Allen chuckled softly. "He is stubborn and does not desire pity. It is enough for him that Elleelen loves him with his whole heart and soul."

"Do you know who his sire is?" Elessar asked, sighing.

"I have my suspicions. But he will not say. He keeps his secrets to himself and raises Elleelen well." Lord Allen met Elessar's grey eyes.

Elessar nodded slowly and looked carefully at the young boy, whose hair and skin coloring matched Legolas' perfectly. "He looks about as young as my daughter, Kasia," the king mused thoughtfully.

Lord Allen looked directly at Elessar. "Elleelen is Kasia's age exactly; they share a birth date. I know this because Legolas requested the day off to spend with his son."

"Interesting," Elessar murmured. His attention was still focused primarily on the tall, slender Elf that was currently carrying his son on his shoulders, heading towards the servants' quarters.

"Yes, indeed," Lord Allen replied, hiding a smile.

Neither of them noticed the youth staring at Legolas, until the cook came to tell them that dinner was ready. The three sat down to eat again, but there was merely silence during the meal.

Lord Allen was pleased, for he knew that Elessar was a good friend of Legolas'. He had not told the Elf when he hired him that he had been aware of his past and who he truly was. Allen had known that if he told Legolas he knew the truth that the former Prince would not have agreed to work for him. He glanced over at the King of Gondor, who was eating slowly, as if his mind was on something- or someone else.

Elessar was still trying to figure out a way to get Legolas to come to Gondor with him, along with his son. He was still surprised that Legolas was vehemently refusing his offers of help. Legolas might be stubborn, but he was even more stubborn. If he had to, Elessar would order his soldiers to drag the two Elves to Gondor.

Raid was still pondering over how he could not have noticed the Elven servant before, along with the small boy. Both had a strange beauty to them, in his opinion. If he failed with one, there was always the other.

Legolas readied his half asleep son for bed, in his small room. Elleelen yawned sleepily, leaning against his father, as his little shoes were removed. He brought his hands up and rubbed his eyes, before he stretched out on the bed that they shared.

After tenderly placing the blanket over his child, Legolas walked to the other side of the bed, blew out the candle, and removed his own shirt and shoes. He then climbed into the bed as well, careful not to wake his son. A thin sheet covered him partially, and Legolas himself fell asleep. Sometime while he was asleep, Legolas stirred and the sheet slipped, showing the scar he had. Elleelen curled up next to his father, who, in his sleep, reached out and hugged him. Both had their eyes open, though they were vacant, as sleeping Elves' eyes were.

After finishing up the admittedly good meal a few hours later, Elessar pushed his chair back.

"I must speak with Legolas again," he told Lord Allen, who nodded.

"He is probably sleeping," Lord Allen replied. "Elleelen will be asleep by now." He told Elessar where to find Legolas' room. As the king walked away, Allen let out a sigh. He knew Elessar was not going to be pleased with the state of Legolas' room, but the Elf had refused better accommodations for himself and Elleelen.

Sure enough, when Elessar finally found Legolas' room, the candles were blown out. He nudged the door open and stepped inside, giving his eyes a few moments to adjust to the darkness.

He was easily able to figure out which Elf was Legolas, because his bare skin showed clearly. Elessar walked over and peered down at him silently, and gasped at the thin scar he saw stretching across part of Legolas' lower waist.

Legolas stirred in his sleep, at the same time as Elleelen. The two now slept the same; with their right hands outstretched over their heads, and their left hands across their chests. Their legs were outstretched.

Elessar frowned and turned to inspect the boy who slept next to his best friend. It could not be denied; Legolas truly was Elleelen's father and, judging from the scar, he truly had given birth to the child.

Elleelen slept with his mouth slightly open, curiously similar to Kasia. Elessar's frown deepened slightly at the slightly pointed ears. Again, it was familiar; Kasia had the same ears. He cast his mind back again, trying to figure out who might be the boy's sire. A memory did surface, though he didn't understand its relevance.

  
************  
Flashback  
************  
  


Elessar awoke with a major headache, only to find someone sleeping next to him.

'Arwen?' he questioned, wincing.

Legolas stirred and blearily opened his eyes. His head hurt terribly, and he decided to never drink again, not if it brought on this much pain. 'I'm not Arwen,' he muttered, irritated at the voice that seemed to echo through his mind.

Elessar froze when he realized that his clothes were not on. He tried to focus on the Elf next to him, who was groaning softly.

Legolas did the same, when he came to the same realization. 'Elessar?' he moaned, weakly sitting up.

'What is it, Legolas?' the king questioned, as he started trying to find his clothes. His head fiercely ached, throbbing in agony.

'What happened last night?' Legolas searched for his clothes as well, ignoring the splitting pain inside of his head.

Elessar frowned and winced. 'I don't know. I think we came up here and fell asleep. Both of us must have been drunk.'

Legolas finally found his leggings and grabbed them, before swiftly pulling them on. 'All right. Just wondering.' Though the Elf was sore slightly, but he decided it was because of the alcohol he'd consumed. 'I had the weirdest dream.'

'So did I,' Elessar muttered, as the two friends finished dressing.

Both had dreamed of soft kisses, warm lips, and sweet caresses, though neither told the other of their dreams. They were both too focused on the pain from their hangovers to notice anything else.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  


Elessar reached out to touch the faded scar on Legolas, only to have his hand caught in a strong grip, by a slender hand that was no longer smooth. Calluses pressed against Elessar's own calluses firmly.

Sapphire eyes blazed directly into grey eyes angrily.

To be continued


	5. Part 4. Kel Ereb

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Enya! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Aragorn and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is an AU! Rated R for major angst, eventual attempted rape, and sexual innuendo.

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 4. Kel Ereb

   (To Go Away Alone)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And who can say why your heart cries,   
When your love dies?   
Only time...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'What are you **doing**?' Legolas hissed, anger burning in his eyes. He was careful to keep his voice low enough so that his son did not awaken, though Elleelen stirred slightly.

Elessar merely narrowed his eyes, before asking his own question. 'That scar… You got it from when Elleelen was born, didn't you?'

Legolas muttered, 'Yes, I did. What do you want?' He released Elessar's wrist, but maintained a wary expression on his face. 'I am trying to get some sleep before I have to work in the morning, so if you don't mind…'

'I want to know the truth, damn it!' Elessar retorted, also making sure he didn't wake the boy. 'Who is his sire?'

'I do not have to tell you,' Legolas replied firmly, before sitting up. 'You are **not** my keeper.' He was stunned when Elessar pushed him back down onto the bed, holding him there hard with his strength.

Elessar warned, 'I am not playing a game, Legolas. Why won't you tell me?'

Legolas remained silent. He had never been able to lie to Elessar, for his friend always knew when he lied. It had been a sign of their deep bond of friendship, because Elessar could tell when he was not being truthful. Though the warm hands on his bare shoulders were intoxicating… so familiar… so distracting…

'Why are you so stubborn?' Elessar snapped.

'Why are you so arrogant?' Legolas returned sharply. 'Must you pry into **my** private life? Do you see me as nothing more than a child, who must atone to you for every mistake I make? Elleelen and I need nothing from **him**; we are fine on our own.'

Elessar raised a dark eyebrow ever so slightly. 'You see Elleelen as a mistake?' he questioned. He was unprepared for the harsh slap that he received for that. A red mark appeared on his face, stinging and bright, crimson red.

'I **love** my son and I could never regret having him. I have only made two mistakes in my life. Now **leave** me **alone**,' Legolas bitterly said, furious.

Elleelen stirred again, and blinked his eyes, as they shifted to normal. His grey eyes focused sleepily on his father, and he saw the figure standing next to the bed, saying something that Elleelen didn't quite hear, but whatever it was made his father upset. The young boy looked closer and saw that his father was being held down by a pair of hands.

'Let go of my daddy!' Elleelen cried, instantly coming to his father's defense. He sat up and lunged at the person, who was surprised.

Elessar was stunned when the golden-haired child suddenly jumped at him. He released Legolas' shoulders and easily caught the boy, who twisted and squirmed, before managed to kick him hard in the shins with his bare feet. A flinch crossed Elessar's face.

Legolas said sternly, 'Elleelen, stop!'

Elleelen froze, and looked towards his father, still being held tightly by the other person. 'He was making you upset, Father.'

'Yes, Elleelen, but you know that I do not approve of physical fights, unless there is no other way,' Legolas reprimanded.

Elessar turned the boy towards him, to get a good look at the child. To his shock, wide grey eyes bore directly into **his** grey eyes, the exact same shade as Kasia's eyes.. Soft, blond hair hung down to Elleelen's waist, flowing freely, and framing a face that was somewhat similar to Legolas', but it was different at the same time.

'Sorry, daddy. I just thought he was hurting you like-' Elleelen was cut off by his father.

'No, my son. We were merely having an argument.' Legolas looked directly at Elessar. 'Release him.'

'Who is your sire, young one?' Elessar questioned, thinking that surely the boy knew. It was too crazy; no… The lack of light was playing tricks on his eyes, he thought.

Legolas sat up and crawled forward, until he was able to reach his son. He stretched his hands out to take Elleelen into his arms, when Elessar stepped back slightly. 'Give me **my** son, Elessar,' Legolas coldly told his friend.

Elleelen blinked. 'I… I don't know.' He looked at his father and was surprised at the expression on his face. Wariness, slight fear, and apprehension were written there, inside of his father's sapphire eyes.

Elessar frowned at Legolas, a nagging suspicion inside of him, before he released the boy, who went over to his father and hugged him tightly.

Legolas embraced his son, stroking his small, blond head. He held Elleelen closely, as if to keep him from suddenly being snatched away by a breeze.

'We still need to talk,' Elessar firmly said, narrowing his eyes again at the resentful expression in Legolas' azure eyes.

Legolas reluctantly nodded, and told Elleelen to go back to bed, after planting a gentle kiss on his forehead. The child nodded slowly, but still remained suspicious of the stranger that his father did not seem to like.

Elleelen lay back down in the bed, watching as his father climbed out of the bed and silently followed the stranger. True, he did not know who his sire was, but he didn't like him. Whoever it was made his father very sad; Elleelen knew this because when he had been younger, and had asked questions about his sire, a sad look had appeared on his father's face.

The boy had even heard his father crying a few times, always after questions were asked about his sire. So Elleelen had stopped asking, because it upset his father so much, and he loved his daddy more than anyone else in the world. He didn't want anything to change, for his father was wonderful and always made time for him.

It could be said that Elleelen was very protective of his father, because he knew that many liked his daddy, for he was very beautiful. Even Elleelen knew it, and he was determined to keep anyone and anything from hurting his gentle father, who never worried for himself; only for **him**.

Legolas and Elessar went outside to speak, walking silently until they were out of earshot of any who might be awake in the house.

Elessar glowered at Legolas. 'I am not leaving until you tell me the truth,' he stated flatly.

'Then I fear you will have to spend the rest of your Immortal life here, for I will not tell you,' Legolas said coldly. He glared at the Man, wanting him to leave. Yet, deep inside, Legolas did not want Elessar to leave. This was too hard for him.

'Tell me,' Elessar demanded, before advancing on the Elf, pinning him back against a tree. His hands gripped Legolas' arms, as he used his strength to keep his beautiful friend from being able to leave. Though a strange warmth was in him as he gazed down at the former Elven Prince. He completely forgot why he had come out here with Legolas.

Legolas jerked his arms free and attempted to shove Elessar away, only to have his wrists caught, as Elessar's firm body pressed him against the tree harder. A moan nearly escaped from him at the familiar desire that was building in him. 'Release me,' he said hoarsely.

Elessar felt a stirring in him, at the combination of the lithe and slender body against his and the hoarse note in Legolas' voice. He leaned down and, as if in a daze, kissed the perfect mouth of the protesting Elf.

The sweet kiss was reminiscent of wild honey and lasted for long moments. Elessar pressed the two wrists he held together, in one hand, as he brought his other hand up to cup Legolas' face.

Legolas moaned softly, despising himself for enjoying this… He wanted this…but he didn't… But it felt so good. His lips responded in their own accord, firmly pressing against Elessar's lips.

The two continued kissing, and Legolas didn't even notice when his hands were released, until he felt something messing with his leggings. He shook his head and attempted to leave the haze of desire around him.

'Elessar… stop,' he told the Man, right before a ragged groan left him as a slightly coarse hand entered into his leggings. 'I don't want this…'

Elessar frowned. 'Why are you lying? You know you want me; I can see it in your eyes, Legolas. Why do you hold back?' he huskily asked. His hand continued tormenting the blond beauty, who gasped.

Legolas really hated himself now, for responding like this. But Elleelen… He had to think of his son. 'No,' he moaned. 'Stop…'

'Do you really want me to?' Elessar questioned, pausing his hand for a few moments.

'Yes,' Legolas whispered. 'Elleelen…' Though a tiny whimper of denial left him.

Elessar moved his hand ever so slightly, testing the reaction of the Elf, who arched and nearly swayed. He didn't understand this; it was obvious that Legolas wanted him as much as he wanted Legolas… but why was he holding back like this?

Legolas' protests died temporarily as his body betrayed him again. Firm hands brought him to the ground, laying him out flat, before a warm body covered his. A soft moan left him when the hand that was torturing him did so even harder, and the other hand roamed over his bare chest, teasing the planes of his stomach.

If Elessar truly believed that Legolas wanted him to stop, he would have. Besides that, Legolas had the strength to stop him if he so desired. Judging from the soft cries that the Elf was making, he was enjoying this too, despite his denial. Though he could not figure out why this was so familiar to him…

Legolas' rational mind was telling him that this was not safe, that he should not be doing this, but his body didn't care. Only one person could affect him like this; Elessar. He thrashed slightly, under the Man who was penetrating all of his defenses and barriers.

Then a nagging voice entered his mind; the voice of reason:

_'What of Elleelen? What if you wind up bearing another child by Elessar- what **then**?'_

Legolas instantly pushed at Elessar, trying to free himself. 'Stop,' he cried. When he realized that the Man had not heard him, he repeated it once more. 'Please, Elessar… Stop!' he begged, because if Elessar did not, he would not be able to resist much longer.

Elessar did stop, for he heard the choked sob in his friend's voice. He removed his hands and himself from Legolas, who scooted backwards, away from him.

Legolas refused to look at Elessar, as he struggled to regain control of his breathing and emotions. The beautiful, blond Elf took a shuddering breath, finally relaxing slightly, before he glanced at Elessar.

Elessar silently looked back. 'Why did you change your mind?'

'I cannot… I have Elleelen to think of,' Legolas finally said. 'I would that I did not bring a second child into the world without a sire present.'

'That's why?' Elessar incredulously inquired. 'Because you are afraid of raising a second child by yourself?'

Legolas' eyes narrowed angrily. 'I am **not** afraid. But I have someone else to think of besides me; my son.'

Elessar shook his head. 'Who is **his** sire? Why does he have my eyes, and Kasia's?' he suspiciously pressed.

'Are you the only Man with dark grey eyes?' Legolas scornfully retorted, glad now that Elessar had not been able to see Elleelen clearly in the dark, since he was suspicious already of his eyes being the same.

'Another Man sired him? Do I know him?' Elessar was angry and insanely jealous at the thought of Legolas being with another Man. Another Man touching Legolas' perfect, flawless Elven beauty…

Legolas laughed, forgetting his troubles for a few moments. I would hope that you know yourself, Elessar, he thought. 'Yes, Elessar. You do know him; very well, in fact,' Legolas answered, still secretly amused.

Elessar didn't understand what was making Legolas laugh, but the light, happy laugh made him happy. 'Who is he, Legolas? If nothing else, he should be supporting Elleelen.'

'I do not want his money,' Legolas solemnly stated. 'Once I wanted his heart, but it belonged to another.'

'What do you want from him now?' Elessar questioned, seeing sadness in the azure eyes, which were no longer sparkling as they had when he had laughed. Why won't you tell me, Legolas? Could it be that you are afraid, he wondered silently.

Legolas sighed. 'I don't know.' He carefully avoided looking at Elessar as he spoke, closing his eyes. 'I just want to be left alone, to raise my son. My virtue is beyond saving, though Haldir and Elladan wanted to do so.'

'What?' Elessar snapped. 'They knew where you were? How?'

'Yes,' Legolas admitted. 'If Haldir had not found me in that small town the day Elleelen was born, right before I fainted from the combination of my extreme exhaustion and contractions, neither Elleelen or I would be alive right now.'

Elessar paled drastically. 'What happened to you, my friend?' He cared no longer over the matter of the boy's sire, in his horror at learning that his best friend had nearly died.

'I suppose I had better start at the beginning,' Legolas murmured. 'Two weeks after your wedding…'

***********

Flashback

***********

Legolas felt very ill, and he struggled not to retch. He lay in his bed, in the room he always stayed in when he visited Elessar in Gondor. The satin and silk blankets were pulled up to his chest.

What's wrong with me, Legolas wondered silently. He was afraid to move, fearful the movement would be his undoing.

"Legolas?" Arwen called, an excited note in her voice. She searched for her husband's best friend through the hallways, for she was very, very happy, and he was a close friend of hers as well.

Legolas weakly answered, and Arwen stepped into his room, to share her joyful news with him. However, the smile died on her face, when she saw how pale Legolas was.

'What's wrong, dear friend?' Arwen quickly walked over to him, placing her gentle, soft hand on his forehead, checking to see if he had a fever. "Elessar!" she called, hearing her husband's voice.

Legolas could only shrug, for he was afraid to speak. The movement nearly made him retch, but he suppressed it.

Elessar entered the room, and was concerned to see the pallor of Legolas's face. 'Are you ill, my friend?' He joined his wife beside his best friend, his dark grey eyes showing how worried he was. Legolas was rarely ill.

'I feel…weird,' Legolas admitted, before he covered his mouth with his hands.

Arwen looked at Elessar worriedly. 'His forehead is cool and clammy, my love.'

Legolas hid his own inner pain at Arwen calling Elessar her love, but he shook his head and tried to sit up. The color blanched even more from his face and he would have fallen forward onto the floor if Elessar had not caught him.

'Legolas!' Arwen cried.

'You're going to the Healer,' Elessar sternly informed his obviously ill friend, as he scooped the light Elf into his arms.

Legolas muttered, 'I'm all right; I don't need to see the Healer!' He went silent at the sight of the two frowns aimed directly at him… Or it might have been the sudden nausea that crept up on him again.

Arwen followed her husband, who easily carried Legolas through the hallways, heading directly to the white room, with blue tapestries. This was the Healer's room, and Legolas was placed on one of the many beds that took up most of the room.

The blond Elven Prince tried to sit up, but Arwen gently placed her hands on his shoulders, to keep him from sitting up.

Elessar spoke to the Healer for a few moments, before the male Healer walked over to the Elf who lay there silently. He poked around Legolas, asking a few questions, before turning to the King and Queen.

"May I please speak to him privately for a few moments, your majesties?" the Healer requested.

Arwen and Elessar exchanged a slightly puzzled look but nodded, before they left the room. The two went to their room, to wait for the Healer to finish.

Legolas was confused as to why his friends had been sent away, until the Healer looked down at him.

"Tell me, when was the last time you were with anyone intimately?" he questioned.

Legolas frowned. "Why?" He didn't like revealing his private life to anyone… and besides, he hadn't been with anyone, male or female, since before he had gone on that journey with Elessar before his friend had wed Arwen.

The Healer said, "I believe that you are carrying a child." His voice was serious and calm, but his words got a definite reaction.

"What? Is this a joke or something? I'm a **male** Elf," Legolas scoffed. "Male elves can't have children!"

"You are a Silvan male Elf?" the Healer questioned, receiving a nod as an answer. "It is rare- but not impossible for Silvan male Elves to bear children."

Legolas blurted out, "But I haven't been with anyone since…" A wisp of a memory tugged at him; the memory of a warm body against his, coarse hands roaming over him, and slight pain that quickly turned to pleasure.

Oh, Elbereth, what have I **done**, Legolas thought, initially horrified. He brought his hand up to cover his mouth in shock. That night… that forgotten night, before he had woken up beside Elessar in the morning, with his clothes off…

Legolas was stunned. It…It wasn't a dream? We must have… Oh, Elbereth… What do I do now?

He'd forgotten what his father had sternly warned him of; Silvan Elves could have children, male or female. Legolas told himself that he should have recognized the signs; morning sickness, increased appetite, and the fact that he had begun sleeping in later.

"I see that this has come as a shock to you," the Healer mused. "This was not planned?"

"No," Legolas cried. He needed time to think of what he should do… He could not stay here in Gondor, not like this. What was his father going to say, Legolas suddenly wondered. Thranduil would not be happy about this, and that was an understatement.

The Healer awkwardly patted the Elf on the shoulder, seeing the stricken look in the sapphire eyes of the blond, beautiful Elven Prince.

To be continued


	6. Part 5. Naikelea Rina

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Enya! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Aragorn and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is an AU! Rated R for major angst, eventual attempted rape, and sexual innuendo. Evil Windstar, I went to Grey-Company.org for my Elvish. Thanks for the nice reviews! I haven't forgotten my other stories, so don't worry. And I **am** finally feeling better.

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 5. Naikelea Rina

         (Painful Memory)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who can say when the roads meet,   
That love might be,   
In your heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*********************

Continued Flashback

*********************

Legolas slowly left the Healer's room alone, in shock. He didn't know what to do or anything, because he had never thought about something like this happening to him, of all people.

He couldn't tell Elessar; his best friend probably would not believe him, and if he did, he would insist on doing the right thing. Which meant that Elessar would divorce Arwen and try to get him to marry him, so that the child would have his name and be the heir to Gondor.

Legolas couldn't do such a thing, not to Arwen. She was a dear friend, after all, and the news that her husband had gotten him pregnant might send her into a deep depression. Legolas was not certain if Arwen could still die from grief, though she had given up her Immortality.

There was no choice; he had to leave Gondor, before everyone realized the truth. It would be easy for him to run away and return home, to face whatever his father said to him. The words would probably be cruel, but Legolas was prepared to face them. He'd done this to himself, after all.

Elessar and Arwen spotted Legolas walking by through their cracked door, and went out to speak with him. Both were faintly surprised to see that if anything, he was even paler than before.

'What did the Healer say?' Elessar asked, worried that it might be something serious. Arwen stood next to him, concern shining in her dark eyes.

Legolas chose his words carefully, so that they would be truthful, lest Elessar become suspicious. 'He says I'll be all right; tis not serious.' 

Elessar pressed, 'You should get some rest, my friend. You look very worn out.'

'All right,' Legolas murmured, for he was too distracted to argue with his friend. He was trying to figure out how he was going to leave Gondor without raising suspicion. If Legolas told Elessar that he was leaving, his friend would demand to know the reason.

Arwen and Elessar exchanged a startled glance when Legolas did not protest being treated like a child. That was unusual, at least for him, and the husband and wife watched their blond Elven friend walk away slowly, heading towards his room.

Elessar was surprised when Arwen placed a hand on his arm.

'Go after him, and find out what is wrong,' she said softly.

Elessar nodded and walked after his friend, genuinely worried. He knew that something had to be wrong when Legolas did not argue with him.

Legolas entered his room, and collapsed onto the bed. He knew that Elessar was following him; he could hear his footsteps. But his best friend was the last person that Legolas wanted to see right now.

Elessar nudged the door open farther and saw Legolas stretched out on the bed. He wordlessly walked over and sat on the bed. He stretched out a hand and touched Legolas on the back lightly, ignoring the warmth he felt as he gently ran his hand down the smooth muscles, trying to ease the tension in the muscles.

'Tell me what is troubling you,' Elessar murmured. He disliked seeing his friend in such obvious misery over something.

Legolas lifted his face from where he had pressed it against his pillow, stifling his pleasure at such a touch from Elessar. He knew that his friend did not have quite the same affection for him as he had for Elessar.

'I'll be all right, Elessar. Time will take care of it,' Legolas told him, hating himself for the lie. Though it truly was not a lie; he **would** be all right, and time would take care of his 'affliction'.

Elessar sighed but did not press. 'Did Arwen tell you her news yet, Legolas?' he inquired, in an attempt to distract his Elven friend.

Legolas shook his head, and turned to onto his side, so he could see Elessar clearly. 'What news, my friend?'

'We are going to have a child, or so she believes,' Elessar said, wonder in his voice.

'That is good news, for I know that you were anxious to have an heir,' Legolas responded, though he was relieved. Elessar was going to have an heir with Arwen, which made it easier for him to just vanish, to raise the child without his sire.

Elessar smiled and nodded, but frowned when he saw Legolas yawning. 'Rest, my friend. We can speak later.'

The King of Gondor stood, patted the Elven Prince on the shoulder, and left the room. Little did he know that 'later' would never come, for Legolas vanished a week later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elessar nodded, as he listened to Legolas finally finish that story, though the Elf omitted the parts about who Elleelen's sire was. 

'So you chose to leave to keep from being disgraced,' Elessar mused. 'What happened after that?'

Legolas lowered his gaze slightly, before bringing his face up to look Elessar directly in the face. 'I returned to Mirkwood, to tell my father…'

************

Flashback

************

'You're WHAT?' Thranduil yelled, seething. The Elven king glared directly at his youngest son, as he sat upon his throne in Mirkwood.

'I'm expecting a child, Father. I believe I already said this twice,' Legolas replied, not really surprised by Thranduil's reaction. He was the unofficial Crown Prince and he had a reputation to maintain. However, it was not as though he had deliberately set out to have a child, especially with Elessar. Legolas had had more time to grow used to the idea than his father had, and he believed that he would be a good parent to his child.

Thranduil narrowed his eyes. 'I do hope you aren't planning on having this child, Legolas, especially since you refuse to name the sire or wed him.'

Legolas gasped and instinctively crossed his arms over his slender waist. 'I **am** going to have my child, whether or not his or her sire acknowledges it.'

'If you do, then you must leave Mirkwood and travel far away from here. I will give you money, but you cannot return, for you will no longer be my son,' Thranduil sternly informed his son, believing that would make Legolas reconsider his plan. 

'If you will not acknowledge your grandchild or me, then I do not want your money,' Legolas countered. He would not even consider not having his child, for it was innocent, no matter of the consequences of its birth.

The Elven king refused to back down, so Legolas left again, taking only items that were precious to him, as well as some food, honey mead, and other provisions.

By the time Thranduil relented, it was too late; Legolas was nowhere to be found.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas' voice grew solemn as he murmured, 'And I have not seen him since he ordered me to leave Mirkwood all those years ago, with the knowledge that I was no longer his son.'

'That was a little harsh of him,' Elessar muttered disapprovingly. He rather believed that Thranduil should have supported his son instead of banishing him for bearing a child without being married.

'Father always had high expectations for me,' Legolas replied. 'Until that day, I was to be the one to succeed my father in being King of Mirkwood. I suppose he has already chosen one of my brothers to do so.'

Elessar questioned, 'Why didn't you simply speak the truth and let the secret of Elleelen's sire out, at least to your father?'

Legolas shook his head. 'Father would have forced him to divorce his wife and marry me. If I ever marry, I want it to be for love and for no other reason.'

'Must you always be stubborn, Legolas? One day it will prove your downfall,' Elessar said pointedly. 'Who is Elleelen's sire?'

'I will not say, for I do not wish to bring disgrace upon him.' Legolas licked his lips slightly and glanced away from his handsome friend. 'Let it be, Elessar.'

'I cannot,' Elessar growled, barely able to keep his hands from reaching out to touch the beauty sitting near him.

Legolas stated firmly, 'You must. If our friendship has ever meant anything to you, then let it go, my friend.'

Elessar scowled. 'Damn it, Legolas!' he demanded. 'I have the right to know the truth!' He still wondered over the boy's sire.

'Arrogance is not very becoming to you, Elessar,' Legolas snapped, before he stood, intending to return to his bed. 'If you wish to speak with me, kindly refrain from making demands.'

'You will not go anywhere until **you** answer me,' Elessar said. He lashed out with his right foot, causing the unsuspecting Elf to trip and fall. The Man was on him in a instant as Legolas managed to sit up, before two arms seized him by the waist and pulled him over to Elessar.

Legolas tried not to moan, feeling a heady warmth spreading through him. It didn't matter what **he** thought; his body loved it when Elessar touched him. It sang with desire, as he was pressed against his friend. Legolas could not have broken free even if he wanted to. His passion and desire was his weakness; Elessar was the only one he responded to with such fervor.

'Let me go,' he whispered, trembling as he tried not to show his friend just how his touch was enough to drive him to forget everything else, to savor this moment…

Elessar enjoyed the feel of the writhing Elven body in his arms. Perhaps, if he was able to lower Legolas' defenses through this contact, his friend would reveal Elleelen's sire. Though Elessar wanted to take Legolas here and now, as the blond head tilted back, revealing the desire in the jade eyes that were glazed with it.

One hand remained around Legolas' waist, while the other drifted down to the waistband of his leggings, teasing the former Elven Prince. Legolas whimpered and pressed back against Elessar's chest, when the Man pulled him directly onto his lap, holding him tightly.

'Enjoying this?' Elessar whispered in a pointed ear, seeing the emotions that Legolas vainly struggled to hide in his eyes.

Legolas moaned, 'Why are you doing this?' He shifted slightly, and gasped when he felt the desire of the Man holding him.

Elessar replied, 'Because I want to… and you want me to. All I ask is that you simply answer my question.'

'No,' Legolas hissed, anger entering into his eyes. Both his desire and his anger bloomed inside of the Elf, fighting for control. He fought to get free, but his body did not want to be free. So he remained where he was, a victim of his desire.

Gentle nips were given to the Elf, before a tongue licked the pointed tip of one of his ears, making its way down to his white, pale throat. The hand at his waistband entered his leggings, making Legolas arch slightly, before he grew accustomed to it. He nearly wept when the hand ceased moving.

'Just tell me a name, Legolas,' Elessar purred, though he really did not care right now. The soft cries of his friend meant more to him now, but he wanted to know if his suspicion was correct, in who the boy's sire was.

'I-I…' Legolas began helplessly. 'I c-can't.'

Elessar inwardly sighed, before he maneuvered his hand harder.

Legolas choked out, 'Dunadan!'

Elessar immediately stopped what he was doing. 'Dunadan? That's an old name that I haven't heard in a while, Legolas. One of the Dunadain is his sire?'

'No,' Legolas said, though he knew that Elessar had seen right through that lie. The Elf broke free of the grasp he was in, freeing himself from the torments that were trying to undo him. He stood and looked down at Elessar.

'Which Dunadan? Do you even know?' Elessar questioned, bitter jealousy spurring that remark. 'How many were you with, my promiscuous friend?'

Legolas yelled furiously, 'Of course I know which of the Dunadan is Elleelen's sire! I am not a whore, because the only Dunadan I was ever with was **you**!' The Elf gasped and placed a hand over his mouth, just now realizing what he had said.

Legolas paled drastically and fled the scene, leaving Elessar behind.

To be continued


	7. Part 6. Nurt- Awr

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Enya! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Aragorn and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is an AU! Rated R for major angst, eventual attempted rape, and sexual innuendo. Oops, sorry I misspelled Sylvan. As for a sequel- that's up to all of you.

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 6. Nurt- Awr

       (To Hide Pain)       

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And who can say when the day sleeps,   
the moon still keeps on moving   
If the night keeps all your heart?   
Night keeps all your heart...   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elessar was in shock, as he sat there silently. He'd had one surprise after another this day, and it seemed that he was to have more before dawn rose. The King of Gondor was rarely speechless; this was an exception. He had not expected those words to be flung at him so harshly by his supposed best friend…

_'Of course I know which of the Dunadan is Elleelen's sire! I am not a whore, because the only Dunadan I was ever with was **you**!'_

If Elessar had ever regretted anything in his life, it was that he had never revealed to Legolas just how attracted he was to him before the Elf had vanished. He'd always desired his best friend, who had seemingly been oblivious to it. Though now… Now Elessar was not so sure of that.

He'd felt how Legolas trembled at a single touch from him… He'd been able to feel the desire of the beautiful Elf in his hand, and he'd seen in it those striking blue eyes. Such passion and longing in the azure depths, as he deliberately aroused Legolas.

Perhaps it was because of his long hidden regret that Elessar had been so bold, now that he had unexpectedly found Legolas again. But he had not wanted to waste this second chance that he had. Legolas' response to him did please him, although he was currently beginning to be very angry at his best friend.

How could Legolas have hidden this from him? The Elf had never been able to lie to him, so Elessar knew that he was telling the truth.

He, Elessar, was Elleelen's sire, which made the child an heir to Gondor. Elleelen would actually take the throne after him, though it would not be for a very, very long time, for Elessar was an Immortal, after all.

But there would be no argument over Legolas coming to Gondor; he would, or Elessar would simply take the boy, thus forcing Legolas to come as well.

His son… That thought both scared and thrilled him at the same time.

None of Elessar's advisors had been able to come up with a solution to the problem of Kasia not being able to rule; she was a girl and unacceptable, though Elessar had not agreed with that. It was an old-fashioned rule, in his opinion, but it could not be changed. He had tried to change it, but it was set in stone. Kasia could not rule Gondor.

Elessar resented not having been able to be with his son, as he grew older. Kasia had been delightful to raise, and she surely would have enjoyed having a sibling to play with. Life in a palace, especially when you were the only child, was lonely.

He didn't even know what **his** son's first word had been, when Elleelen had started walking, and all the other things a father should know. Not to mention that he had not been able to choose a name for his son.

The advisors had told him to marry and have a son, though Elessar had been loath to the very idea. Now, however, that was settled; he had a son. The only obstacle he foresaw was Legolas himself.

The Elf simply had no choice; Elessar would make Legolas marry him, to legitimize his son, before proclaiming Elleelen as the Crown Prince. It eased his conscience slightly to know that Legolas was desperately attracted to him. He'd proven that by managing to seduce Legolas into revealing Elleelen's sire.

Elessar also wanted to get to know his son, as well as he knew Kasia. He didn't know the first thing about what Elleelen liked to do, his favorite color, or anything…

As for Legolas… Elessar grimly smiled as he stood. He was going to have words with his 'best friend'.

The King of Gondor headed off towards where he had seen Legolas run- not towards the house, but further away, towards a small cluster of trees.

**********

Elsewhere

**********

Legolas sat in a shaking heap, his arms wrapped around himself. Fool of an Elf, he thought bitterly.

He knew that Elessar would be furious with him, and he knew that his best friend had a right to be. Elessar should **not** have found out about Elleelen like that.

Once more, Legolas' temper had proven to be his downfall; he had thought of nothing but hurting Elessar, for the humiliation he had suffered at the Man's hands.

Why is it that Elessar makes my body sing so, Legolas wondered painfully. He had loved Elessar for a very long time, though until that night ten years ago- and today, he amended- nothing had ever come out of it.

Shame soared through the Elf, for his blatant response to Elessar. If only he had not given in to his desire… But it was no use thinking about it; what was done was done, and he would now suffer the consequences of the words he had spoken.

Legolas lifted his gaze up when he heard Elessar approaching, still as silently as ever. He tensed and tried to prepare himself for whatever would be said.

Elessar stood before Legolas, gazing down at him reproachfully for a few moments. 'Why didn't you tell me?' he icily asked.

'Would you have believed me?' Legolas retorted, as he slowly stood as well, his gaze never faltering.

'Perhaps not… At least, not at first,' Elessar admitted. 'When did it happen?'

Legolas sighed, a long, drawn-out sound. 'Twas three nights before your wedding to Arwen,' he answered neutrally. 'When we were staying at the inn, with the tavern, on the way back to Gondor. We had been stopping some local bandits…'

Elessar frowned, but nodded for Legolas to continue, as he searched through his hazy memories for that night.

'I got drunk… as did you. We were both very intoxicated, when we went to the room we were sharing. You nearly fell over a few times on the way up the stairs,' Legolas murmured, just now recalling that particular part of the memory. 'We got into the bed and somehow you wound up kissing me, and then we…'

'How is it that you can remember this so well when you were drunk as well?' Elessar suspiciously queried. He wondered if it were possible that Legolas had taken advantage of **him** while he was drunk.

Legolas rolled his eyes. 'I regained my memory, though it took months. Elves have perfect memories, after all.'

Elessar merely cocked an eyebrow at the Elf. 'Elves tend to have a higher tolerance for wine and ale more than Men. How do I know that you didn't-'

'-take advantage of you?' Legolas finished. 'Don't put the blame on me, Elessar- I was more drunk than you. You kissed me first; you pinned me to the bed. If there was any seducing, you did it to me. I'll not take the full blame.'

'Why were you so drunk?' Elessar questioned, surprising both himself and Legolas. He knew that Legolas only drank when he was very upset about something. 'And what were you doing while I seduced you?'

Legolas firmly stated, 'I had my reasons, which I will not discuss.' A flush settled over his face, as he remembered what he had been doing while Elessar made love to him. 'I will not say.'

Elessar scowled. 'Embarrassed?' he taunted.

'If you must know, I was just laying there, in a fit of laughter,' Legolas finally confessed. 'I told you that I was more drunk than you.'

Elessar was surprised at how enticing that mental image was to him. 'And you found out three weeks later that you were pregnant- with **my** child. Why didn't you tell me then?'

Legolas sharply retorted, 'I'm sure Arwen would have loved to know just how good you are at getting Elves pregnant, female or not.' His voice softened, before he murmured, 'She deserved better than that, Elessar, and you know it.'

'So **that** is your excuse for denying me the right to see my son for nearly ten years,' Elessar flung at Legolas, still hurting from that last remark. God, that would have devastated Arwen, especially as she had been pregnant with Kasia at the time. 

'What I did may not have been right, Elessar, but how dare you judge me!' Legolas snapped. 'For ten years I have protected, nurtured, supported, and loved Elleelen. I work so that he, at least, has good clothes and food to eat. And I do not mind that, for I love him and would do anything for him.'

Elessar smiled triumphantly. He had Legolas exactly where he wanted him. 'Anything, you say?'

Legolas did not like the gleam that had just entered into Elessar's grey eyes. He slowly backed away, as the Man drew closer to him. 'I would do anything to keep Elleelen safe, but I don't-'

'You did say 'anything',' Elessar said coldly. 'Now you will listen to me. Both of you are coming to Gondor, and that is **not** a request. My son- and heir- will not live with servants.'

'Even if a servant be his father and the one who gave him life?' Legolas asked pointedly.

Elessar extended a hand towards Legolas, ignoring the flash of guilt he felt. 'Tis simple, Legolas. Either you come, with Elleelen… Or only Elleelen comes.'

Legolas turned ashen at those words. 'You cannot take him from me! He is my life!' the stricken Elf cried.

'The decision is yours.' Elessar averted his gaze, so he did not have to see the agony going through Legolas right now. It made him feel ashamed and uncomfortable.

"Damn you," Legolas hissed. He could not let Elleelen go; his son was all he had in the world. "I'll go…" he said, giving in to that demand. He felt numb; he had not thought Elessar capable of doing such a cruel thing. Anger warred with shock and sadness inside of him.

Elessar reached out a hand and attempted to touch Legolas on the face with it. He was not altogether surprised when the angry Elf backed away from him. 'You'd better get used to my touches, Legolas.'

Legolas coldly glared at Elessar, ignoring the way his body wanted him to lean into the outstretched hand, to let it touch him. 'You will not touch me again, so why should I?'

'Didn't I tell you?' Elessar inquired sarcastically, flinching inside for the wince he saw crossing Legolas' face. 'We're going to marry.'

'Never,' Legolas spat out. 'I will **never** marry you.'

Elessar shook his head. 'You will, Legolas. You know what will happen if you do not…'

Legolas gaped silently. 'You do not have the right to do this; you cannot!' he cried. His soul cried out in torment, for it was one thing to go to Gondor, but another to be bound in marriage. 'Men do not agree with their king marrying other males, if I am not mistaken.'

'I am the King,' Elessar said flatly. 'My word is law.' He despised himself for the despair he saw in the cobalt eyes of the beautiful one next to him.

'Do you truly hate me enough to force me into marriage?' Legolas whispered hoarsely.

Elessar bit back the words he wanted to say, to comfort Legolas. Instead, he said something else. 'What I want or you want does not matter. What matters is establishing Elleelen's legitimacy, because he will be my heir.'

Legolas hated Elessar right now, even as he loved him. How could Elessar do this to him? Give up his freedom… his life… and even his self-respect? No, Elessar did not love him, Legolas told himself. His former friend lusted for him.

Yet, a touch on his face melted away part of Legolas' stern resolve not to respond to Elessar. The hand possessively caressed every part of his face, before cupping his chin. It then slid down and gently teased Legolas, stroking across his bare chest.

The breath caught in Legolas' mouth, as Elessar purposefully stepped closer, sliding his other hand around the slender waist. The Man's tongue sought to possess every inch of the warm mouth that belonged to Legolas, while his hands continued teasing the Elven beauty.

Legolas groaned, in spite of himself. Every part of him felt like he was on fire when Elessar touched him, drawing out his desire. But he was devastated by the look of triumph in Elessar's grey eyes. His sadness soon melted into anger. So Elessar thought that he was going to surrender so easily, Legolas mused. He might not be able to stop his body from reacting to the Man, but his mind, however, was not so easily seduced.

Elessar might currently be winning the fight, but the outcome was far from over. Legolas intended to show Elessar just what it meant to attempt to blackmail him.

And, of course, he had a distinct advantage over Elessar.

To be continued


	8. Part 7. Nwalm-

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Enya! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Aragorn and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is an AU! Rated R for major angst, attempted rape, and sexual innuendo. Don't worry; Legolas will not give in to Elessar without a fight. Takes place early the next morning. Sorry for the abruptness of this chapter, but I wanted to get them all to Gondor.

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 7. Nwalm- 

  (To Torment/Sadden)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who can say if your love grows,   
As your heart chose?   
Only time...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas furiously swept the kitchen floor, anger in his every movement. The only good thing Elessar had done so far was not to demand that they leave for Gondor last night. Lord Allen had gone to visit a friend nearby and had not yet returned home, so Legolas had refused to leave without giving the Man who had treated him with kindness and respect an explanation.

Elessar had conceded to that point, though he had been even less pleased when Legolas would not wake Elleelen to inform him that they were going to Gondor. On second thought, the Man had admitted that waking the boy in the middle of the night would not be a very responsible thing to do and had agreed to wait.

Legolas was angry, frustrated, humiliated and hurting, because while part of him knew that he might deserve this, for keeping Elleelen a secret from Elessar for so long, the other part of him loathed his 'friend' for doing this to him. Marriage was not going to work between them, Legolas knew.

Elessar was so stubborn, arrogant, and opinionated that he didn't even know when he was wrong! The Man would expect nothing less than complete obedience from him, day and night…

Oh, Elebereth, Legolas thought bitterly. Elessar wants me to be little more than a whore for him and him alone. But he will get more than he bargained for, because I do **not** take kindly to being blackmailed.

However, Legolas had a decided advantage over Elessar. He was supposed to visit Imladris in a few weeks time, on his leave, which Lord Allen gave him once a year. Foster father to Elessar or not, Legolas knew that Elrond would not agree to what Elessar was doing, despite the reasons. It was a good thing that the Elven lord had not yet gone West, though many Elves already had, including the Elves of Lothlorien.

Legolas knew that he would need all the aid he could get, for he could not protect himself from Elessar's touches. Twas like how a moth was drawn to a flame, so great was Legolas' desire for Elessar. He despised himself for not being able to fight back against physical contact.

But while Elessar might have his body, Legolas refused to give him anything else- like his heart. Elessar could reach out to him for the rest of their Immortal lives, but he would never tell the Man the secrets of his heart.

And Legolas' pride insisted that if he could not fight back against kisses and caresses, then he must do so another way. He was not going to tolerate being forced to marry Elessar under the threat of losing his only child. He might pretend to for a while, but he would make his escape, **with** Elleelen.

Oh, Elleelen… his sweet son, whose outward appearance hid his stubbornness. Legolas could take some satisfaction from knowing that Elleelen was not going to welcome Elessar with open arms, sire or not.

It was nothing he had done to make his son hate Elessar; Elleelen just didn't like anyone who hurt him. For over five years, Legolas had take care of Elleelen, who had done the same for him. They protected each other, and their interdependence was obvious to any who saw them together.

And now Elessar was threatening to destroy that… Legolas would not let him.

A throat cleared behind him, where Legolas stood clenching the broom-handle tightly. He spun around to see that it was Raid, not Elessar. The Elf ignored the youth and continued sweeping, venting his anger out in the fast, furious strokes. 

"Going to ignore me, Elf?" Raid asked, taking in the sight of the cloak-less Elf, who still wore his faded brown leggings and patched green shirt. As before, desire struck Raid, fast and furious, as he drank in the Elven beauty before him. He casually leaned back, folding his arms across his chest in satisfaction at the servant tightening his lips considerably.

When he failed to get an answer, Raid stalked over and yanked the broom away from the servant, who appeared to be somewhat distracted. "Where's my father?" he asked. He knew his step-mother was still sleeping; he had seen her while looking for his father.

"He went out," Legolas curtly answered. "Give me the broom so I can finish."

"Such disrespect… For a servant," Raid sneered. He had reconsidered doing anything to the child, who was too innocent-looking for his own good. Not even he could bring himself to hurt a child so.

Legolas gritted his teeth and finally looked directly at the youth. "What do you want? I have work to do."

Raid smiled, as he slowly raised the broom up. "What do I want?" he repeated. "You, Elf."

"Go bother someone else," Legolas said, irritated. He was not in the mood to deal with this when his world- and life- were getting turned upside down. Believing that the youth would leave, the beautiful Elf sighed and turned to begin the dishes, when something hard struck him from behind.

Legolas fell to his knees on the ground, feeling a splitting headache coming on from whatever had hit him directly on the head. He looked up at the youth standing over him, with his sword drawn, and Legolas drew his own sword in one smooth, graceful movement. Ignoring the pain in his head, Legolas leapt to his feet, with the blade extended towards Raid's heart.

"Leave me be, lest I tell your father," Legolas warned. Both his head and his heart were hurting now.

Raid smirked, before lunging at the Elf. The deceptively thin Elven sword swung up to meet Raid's sword, easily blocking it with a loud **clang**. The two parried for a few moments, with Legolas having a slightly easier time of this than the youth. He had lived for far longer than him, and had faced Orcs that were tougher- or so he thought.

Yet neither could gain an advantage as their swords clashed, swung again, only to strike each other once more.

Legolas' head injury still pained him, impairing his senses a little. He had not changed his fighting style; always being bold and swift in his fighting, dancing a graceful dance of death to his enemies, but it was not as deadly or rapid as it should have been. He fought one whose will to win dwarfed his own will of survival, Legolas quickly grasped.

Legolas damned Elessar again, for keeping him too occupied to concentrate on this fight. With the turmoil inside of his heart currently, it was a struggle to keep his attention on the fight and his advantage over the young one. He lashed out with his right leg and striking Raid directly on his knee hard enough to shatter the kneecap. As he did that, something hard and metal struck his head for a second time, a harsh blow that he had not been able to block.

Darkness was what he knew… He faintly heard his sword strike the ground, right before he himself did.

Raid glared down at the motionless Elf, using his good leg to kick the limp figure hard in the ribs a few times, before doing so to the blond head, no less than three times, ensuring that the servant would not wake for some time. He glanced at the Elven blood on the hilt of his sword, from where he had struck the Elf with it, using all of his strength.

He knelt down over the motionless figure, and began messing with the Elf's shirt. Absentmindedly, Raid looked at the glittering Elven sword that had been dropped, figuring that he could sell it for a good price. Shock entered Raid's eyes, before he painfully picked the sword up and stared at the carved runes on it, to see them more closely. Twas Elvish, but he knew enough Elvish- just enough- to recognize the markings of Elven royalty on the sword.

Oh shit, Raid thought, before he dropped the sword and gaped at the limp, gorgeous creature in servants' clothes. This **servant** was an Elven Prince? Raid backed away after standing, not knowing what to do now, and finally fled, limping the entire way. Assaulting a servant was one thing; assaulting Elven royalty was **another**, in his opinion. That was just plain stupidity!

Elleelen woke up early, feeling hungry. He knew that his daddy was working this morning, so he would have to get himself something to eat from the kitchen. The young boy climbed out of bed, walking towards the kitchen His bare feet padded on the wooden floor, though the footsteps stopped when Elleelen spotted a very familiar looking figure lying on the floor, not moving.

"Daddy!" Elleelen cried, before he ran over and knelt beside his father. He whispered, "Daddy?" Elleelen was afraid to touch his father, that he might hurt him. Anger and fear both blazed in him when he saw the trickle of blood staining the floor, coming from his father.

The youth quickly stood and ran outside of the house, shouting for help. He didn't know what to do; his daddy was hurt and just laying there so still… And he had never felt so helpless before…

Elessar heard the agonized cry of 'Daddy', as he returned from procuring two horses for the journey to Gondor. His grey eyes spotted the small figure crying out for help, though hardly anyone was awake this early. The sun was not even up yet.

Concerned, Elessar walked over to the boy. "What's wrong?" he asked, a strange note in his voice. It was the first time he had spoken to his son- knowing that Elleelen was his son.

"Daddy…" Elleelen cried. He didn't like turning to the stranger who had been hurting his father before for help, but… he didn't have a choice. "Something's wrong with my daddy!" Elleelen half-sobbed.

Elessar quickly questioned, "Where is he?" Worry gnawed at him… What could be wrong with Legolas, that had Elleelen so frantic?

Elleelen grabbed a hold of one of the stranger's hands and tugged on it, leading him to where his daddy lay. Tears were running down the young face, tears of fear and desperation… Though he was not going to let whoever had hurt his father get away with it.

When Elessar saw the prone body laying on the floor, he dropped Elleelen's hand and quickly crossed the room, kneeling beside Legolas. His grey eyes rapidly assessed the Elf, seeing the bruises on the pale skin of Legolas' forehead, as well as the blood seeping from the back of his head. A ginger touch there produced a groan, followed by a cough, a gasping sound.

"Is my father all right?" Elleelen said, shaking. His face was pale, with silent tears running down it.

"I think so; he's just unconscious," Elessar told the boy, as he used his left hand to grab his handkerchief out of his pocket, before pressing it against the bleeding wound on Legolas' head.

Legolas groaned again, as his eyes blinked open. He struggled for a few moments to focus, trying to see if Raid was still there. Legolas stiffened, flinching when his head throbbed.

"What- what are you doing here?" Legolas muttered, wariness creeping into his eyes. He tried to sit up, but Elessar sternly kept him from moving.

The Man neutrally said, "I heard Elleelen crying out for help; he led me to you. And why wouldn't I be here? We are going to Gondor today, are we not?"

Elleelen had sat down on the other side of his father, and he frowned at the stranger's words. "Daddy's hurt; he can't go anywhere," he protested. "And he can't leave without me."

Legolas' eyes flickered over to his son. "I'm all right, Elleelen," he murmured. And he truly was; his head ached fiercely, as did his ribs, but those were minor pains that would heal soon. "And you **are** going with me… to Gondor." The Elf was surprised when Elessar assisted him in sitting up carefully.

Elessar supported Legolas with one arm holding him up. His other hand was still applying pressure to the bleeding wound, though it was tapering off finally. "Indeed, child. You are coming to Gondor, with your… daddy."

"I don't want to go to Gondor," Elleelen stubbornly said. "Daddy, why are we going there again?"

"I'll tell you when we get there, my son. Besides, you will get to see Kasia again," Legolas said, to distract his son. "She is Elessar's daughter."

Elleelen remembered Kasia, but he didn't know who the other person was. "Who's Elessar?" He supposed that it would be nice to see Kasia again; she was ok… for a girl. Though she had been a little rude at first when they had met.

"I am," the King of Gondor said.

"Oh," Elleelen said. He turned his attention back to his father, who was trying to stand.

Legolas told Elleelen, "And he is the King of Gondor, remember?" The blond beauty stood a little shakily, though it did hurt his head even worse. Not to mention the tension that he was feeling around Elessar.

Elessar moved to support Legolas, but was surprised when Elleelen reached him first.

"I 'member," Elleelen answered. He took one of his father's hands and held it. "Are you all right, Daddy? You look awfully pale."

"I-I think so," Legolas said, right before his knees gave out. He was not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing when Elessar caught him, leaning him against him for support.

"Guess you won't be riding alone, then," Elessar mused. "What happened to you?"

Legolas was surprised at the genuine concern in Elessar's voice, and it showed in azure eyes. "Nothing you should worry about. Where's my sword? Tis the only thing I have left of Mirkwood."

"Here, Daddy," Elleelen said, holding his father's precious sword out to him.

Elessar took the sword and sheathed it in the sheath hanging at Legolas' waist, before the Elf could do so. He bit back a sigh, for he was at a loss as to what to do now. Legolas could not ride a horse like this.

As if sensing Elessar's thoughts, Legolas sighed. "I can walk, instead of riding."

Lord Allen entered the kitchen then, and gasped at the pallor of Legolas' skin. "Are you all right, Legolas?"

Legolas opened his mouth to speak, but Elessar beat him to it.

"Legolas and Elleelen are coming with me to Gondor. He needs time to recover, as you can tell," the King said smoothly.

Allen was disturbed by the flash of sorrow, anger, and resentment in the blue depths of Legolas' eyes. He inwardly sighed and shook his head. Elessar must have learned that Elleelen was also his son, Lord Allen mused sadly. He nodded, for he could think of little else to do. Though he would pass the word on to a few of the other Elves that Legolas was returning to Gondor, in case any were interested.

Allen insisted on them using a carriage to reach Gondor- especially since Legolas was growing paler. Elessar agreed, for he did not want Legolas to get worse. He would, however, confront the Elf over just what had happened to him, to hurt him so.

Elleelen stood next to his daddy anxiously, until he was sent to get his bag, which he did, before the group of three, one brown-haired Man, and two golden-haired Elves got into the carriage. 

Legolas was laid out flat in the back of the carriage, on one of the seats, against his protests. He was still reeling from how very different Raid was from his father, Allen, though he currently had to keep an eye on Elessar.

Elleelen tended to his father, offering him some water, and frowning when Elessar drew near to him. He didn't say anything, but a suspicious look was in his grey eyes, as they watched the Man.

Elessar wisely said nothing to antagonize his son, figuring that enough had happened today to the boy. Though he wanted to tell Elleelen that he was his sire, and claim his rightful place, instead of being regarded with suspicion.

And though he tried to hide it, Elessar was angry that Legolas had been hurt so badly. He knew that his sort-of Elven friend was in pain, and loathed himself for bringing more on it. The sooner they got to Gondor, the safer it would be for all of them. Whatever or whoever had hurt Legolas would not be able to reach him in Gondor.

Once there, Elessar believed that he could get to know his son… and his son's other father, who had apparently fallen asleep.

Elessar gave the coachman instructions to go straight to Gondor, as he settled himself on the other seat, next to a worried Elleelen.

************************

Gondor, sometime later

************************

Kasia was bored… and lonely, as she wandered through the palace. She had nothing to do and no one to play with, especially since her father had gone away to visit a friend of his.

The young Princess sighed, feeling sorry for herself. She missed her father, and wished that she had at least one friend to play with in the whole castle. But everyone was too busy, doing this or that.

No one had time to play with a lonely child, who had no mother, and a busy King for a father. Elessar played games with his daughter when he was home, but he wasn't here right now and Kasia didn't quite know what to do.

She finally skipped over to her father's throne and, giggling slightly, sat in it, draping her dangling feet over one side of it. Her green dress shone in the light, offsetting her grey eyes, as she pretended that she was a grand queen, awaiting her subjects to come forth and request her aid.

Kasia was so involved in her make-believe game that she almost didn't hear the cry being taken up that her father was back.

A beautiful, wide smile appeared on Kasia's face, before she leapt to her bare feet and went running out to meet him, holding the hem of her dress up, and not caring that she was behaving very unladylike, as her teachers would say.

Elessar genuinely smiled when he saw his little daughter running towards him, and caught her as she jumped at him. The two hugged for a few moments, before Kasia saw who was with him.

"Why are they here, Father?" she questioned curiously, as she twisted around to where she could see Elleelen, and what looked like his father.

Elessar answered, "Because they are going to be staying with us for quite a while, Kasia."

To be continued


	9. Part 8. Irm- Ar' Mily-

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Enya! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Aragorn and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is an AU! Rated R for major angst, attempted rape, and sexual innuendo. Takes place three mornings after the last chapter. Gets a bit lemony!!

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 8. Irm- Ar' Mily-

(To Desire And To Long For)  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And who can say where the road goes,   
Where the day flows?   
Only time...   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elessar opened his eyes… and froze. Legolas was nowhere to be seen, not in this room- his room. The King frowned, and shook his head, before he pushed the covers back and sat up. He stood, walked over to his dresser, and grabbed some clean clothes. Nothing fancy; just black breeches with a blue shirt, and Elessar swiftly discarded his nightclothes, before dressing. He then left his room to search for Legolas.

Legolas had been confined to a bed after they had arrived in Gondor, for he had looked very ill indeed. The Elf had slept for a day, and had tried to sneak out of the bed to see Elleelen, only to be thwarted by Elessar. That hadn't stopped him from trying other times, so Elessar had finally brought Legolas to his room, where the King had tied him hand and foot.

Now how had that Elf escaped, Elessar wondered, as he began searching through the hallways.

Legolas felt much better this morning, as he made his way through the castle, ignoring the strange looks the servants were giving him. Part of the looks were because he was an Elf, and the little princess had been the closest thing to an Elf in the palace for nearly nine years. The second reason Legolas was being stared at was because of the blood that stained both his pitiful shirt and leggings, as well as his blond hair.

Legolas was looking for Elleelen, to make certain that his son was all right. 

Elessar had sent him off with Kasia, until Legolas was able to sit up without turning pale or worse- passing out. Kasia's nanny was taking care of both children, as Elessar had instructed. He'd been too worried to leave Legolas' side, fearing the worst. Though Legolas' attempted escapades had proven that he would be all right.

Elessar was not surprised when he saw dirty footprints heading towards the childrens' room. He'd thought that it would be a good way for Kasia and Elleelen to get to know- and like- each other, for the two to share a room. Though Elleelen had been surprisingly insistent on seeing his father.

Elessar had not wanted his son to see Legolas' hands and feet tied together, so he had told Elleelen that Legolas was still ill, but that as soon as he was better, his father would come see him.

Actually, Elessar silently amended, Legolas would first take a bath and get some decent clothes on. He began walking faster, to catch Legolas before he found the children.

Legolas heard Elessar approaching him, but ignored it. He was not doing anything until he saw his son and made sure that he was all right. For all Legolas knew, Elessar might have already told Elleelen that he was his sire.

'Legolas, stop,' Elessar firmly said, when he finally caught sight of the runaway Elf.

Legolas ignored the order and kept walking. He was not a pet to come and go at beck and call of a master.

Elessar narrowed his grey eyes and finally managed to catch up to Legolas, and he took a fierce grip on one of the slender arms, forcing Legolas to stop. 'Where are you going?' he demanded.

'Wherever I want,' Legolas replied coldly. 'And right now, I want to see **_my_** son.' He yanked his arm free… only to have his shoulders grabbed hard.

'First, you will take a bath and change,' Elessar informed Legolas, ignoring the desire that swept through him to kiss the Elf senseless.

Legolas smiled bitterly. 'Oh yes, Elessar. Dress me up as you see me- like a _whore_,' he sarcastically said. 'Am I your toy now? Do I get to wear a pretty dress?' His mocking taunts had the desired effect.

Elessar was stunned by the amount of anger in Legolas' voice, but he resented what the Elf was implying. 'No… But unless you want to scare **_my_** son, you ought to clean the blood off of you and change,' he retorted. Though Elessar did not remain as untouched by the accusation as he pretended. 

Legolas frowned, before he took a good look at his clothes, and he conceded Elessar's point. 'Fine, but I need my bag, to get a change of clothes.'

'Legolas…' Elessar said sternly. 'You are not wearing your servant clothes. I have already told the royal tailor to make you some new ones.'

'I don't need new clothes, and I made my clothes myself,' Legolas snapped. 'I'll wear what I want, Elessar.' He seethed when Elessar merely raised a dark eyebrow at him pointedly.

Instead of giving in, Legolas harshly questioned, 'Is that what you do to Kasia- or any who dare to defy you? Do you blackmail them into giving in to your demands?'

That stung, and Elessar felt it within his soul. His pride, however, would not let him admit that Legolas was right. He would rather that Legolas stay here out of his own free will, but Elessar was not going to risk losing him again.

'Legolas, stop this,' Elessar told the beautiful Elf grimly. A warning flashed in his eyes, though it pained his heart when Legolas reluctantly bowed his head in acquiesce. It brought Elessar no pleasure to see the look of defeat in the cobalt eyes, which had, a few moments ago, been blazing with anger. 'Follow me.' It was a statement; an order, as Elessar turned and began walking towards his room, to take Legolas to his private bathing room.

Legolas silently followed Elessar, glad that at least he hadn't been touched- yet. Though he knew to well that that was not going to last; Elessar desired him, after all. And his body would let Elessar do anything he wanted. It was one of his two weaknesses- and a curse. Elleelen was his second weakness. Legolas would not be able to stand being separated from Elleelen.

Elessar said nothing, leading Legolas back inside his room. The suspicious Elf watched as Elessar took some clothes off of the back of a wooden chair, where they had been hanging.

He was escorted into the private bathing room, where a single, large, wooden tub sat in the middle of it. Some potted plants were in the room, a few ferns and a small tree. Legolas looked at Elessar wordlessly when the Man cleared his throat.

'Bathe, Legolas,' Elessar curtly told the Elf, who narrowed his eyes.

Legolas' defiance returned as he muttered, 'I will **not** bathe in front of you.' He crossed his arms and glared at Elessar.

Elessar questioned, 'Are you afraid, little Elf?'

'Little Elf?' Legolas repeated, anger bringing a red flush to his face. 'I am **not** a little Elf!' He stormed towards the door, halting only when Elessar said his name, slowly and deliberately.

'Walk out of here, Legolas…and lose Elleelen,' Elessar warned the Elf icily.

Legolas had almost forgotten… He choked back his anger and pain, fighting back an urge to weep. It was a strange urge, which he had never felt before. Then again, Elessar had never done this to him before. It felt like something had been plunged directly into his heart; a sharp dagger or knife. 

The Elf deliberately turned his back to Elessar, feeling shame, anger, and betrayal. After fetching a few buckets of warm water and filling the tub with it, Legolas slowly began removing his stained clothes, refusing to acknowledge the Man who watched him, as he rested on a small, carved stone bench.

Elessar's grey eyes feasted upon the perfect, ivory Elven body, as Legolas stepped into the tub and quickly began cleaning his flesh, intending to take no longer than necessary. His body looked even more pale once rinsed and freed of the dirt and grime, and Legolas began scrubbing his hair, using the shampoo in the nearby jar.

Elessar caught his breath, hungrily staring at Legolas, who was seemingly indifferent to the unwavering gaze. So beautiful… so tempting… Elessar was getting aroused, in spite of his irritation at how Legolas kept challenging him. It appeared that his sort-of friend was not going to give in as easily as he had thought, Elessar mused.

After Legolas rinsed his hair, he climbed out and began looking around for a cloth to dry himself with. Elessar's gaze shifted from the breath-taking sight of Legolas' bare body to the white cloth draped over the bench he sat on. He silently tossed it to Legolas, who caught it easily.

The Elf hastily dried himself, seeing the look in Elessar's eyes. The King wanted him, Legolas knew, and he was apprehensive about it, as Elessar stood and walked over towards him.

Legolas covered himself instantly with the cloth, and could not suppress his reaction when Elessar slowly brought his right hand up to his face and touched it, before he traced the flawless features. The Elf felt, rather than saw, an arm encircle his waist, pulling him towards the Man. He kept his grip on the cloth around his waist.

Drips of water fell from the golden radiance of Legolas' hair, as he was kissed roughly. Fire sizzled in his veins, making him moan, and hate himself for responding, even as he loved the coarse hand that now roamed across his chest. His body took a life of its own, as he urgently pressed his lips against Elessar's, craving contact.

The world shifted slightly, when Legolas suddenly found himself in Elessar's arms, being carried towards the bedroom. Soaring heat fueled his actions, as he twisted in the arms, wanting Elessar to touch him again… Whimpering in place of begging…

Elessar showed no emotion, after he laid the still wet Elf out on his bed, before covering the mostly bare body with his own. His shirt was quickly thrown aside, and he crushed the sweet lips of the one under him. His hands went to work; on stroking the Elf, and the other possessively roaming over the smooth, soft skin.

Legolas groaned in pleasure, unable to bring himself to physically stop reacting to the wonders that Elessar did. This had never been a problem; not then, and not now. It was easy to forget for a while the arguments and other such things, though Legolas was still angry with Elessar.

Elessar could see the anger and self-loathing in Legolas' sapphire eyes as he responded to him, and the King inwardly winced. Legolas arched slightly at a particularly hard stroke and whimpered again, craving more yet helpless to resist the sensations running through him.

With surprising tenderness, Elessar brought their bodies together, his breeches quickly going the way of his shirt, joining it on the floor. Legolas' cries of pleasure held a faint hint of pain, causing Elessar to feel a flash of self-loathing himself.

When both were able to breathe normally again, Legolas desperately struggled to get away from Elessar. He'd been humiliated enough.

Elessar questioned, 'What's wrong?' He was not prepared for the answer that he was given.

'I don't want you to do this to me,' Legolas said, his struggles continuing, even as two arms encircled him from behind, as he lay on his side, away from Elessar.

'Why? I know you enjoyed yourself,' Elessar said, bringing a hand up to fondle a pointed ear. Legolas jerked away again, and Elessar held him tighter. 

The Elven beauty could feel himself getting aroused again, and he did not want it. 'You may have my body, Elessar, but my mind is my own. I want to see my son,' Legolas icily stated. 'Let me go!' He silently yelled at himself for even forgetting Elleelen for an instant.

Elessar finally released the Elf, who hastily backed away from the King, fleeing into the bathroom. Legolas' eyes darted around wildly, searching for the clothes that Elessar had brought in before his bath. Spotting them, Legolas darted over and quickly dressed in the soft, white shirt and black leggings.

Elessar had replaced his own breeches and held his shirt, as he impassively looked at the Elf, who refused to look at him. 'Do you still wish to see Elleelen now?' he asked.

'More than anything,' Legolas honestly answered. He felt better now that he was actually dressed and that Elessar was no longer standing near him, tempting him…

'Then follow me,' Elessar said. 'I will take you to him. We will tell them both the truth, and then you will tell me the rest of what happened to you.'

****************

Kasia's Room

****************

Elleelen and Kasia were playing with her carved, wooden figures. The two were getting along ok, though Elleelen was really worried about his father, and really mad that he hadn't been allowed to see him yet.

Kasia only knew that Legolas had been hurt. She felt a little sorry for Elleelen, because she knew that if it was her father who had been hurt, she would be upset too. Her wooden, carved horse bobbed along the road, guided by her hand.

Elleelen was making his carved animal fly. He did like playing with Kasia, but he was still fretting over his daddy.

The nanny kept an eye on the two children. She had given Elleelen a bath and some fresh, clean clothes, per her king's instructions. She was gentle and caring, and saddened that she would not be able to watch over the two children much longer, for she was returning home to her village soon.

Kasia heard Elleelen sigh and looked at him. "My father will make certain that your father is ok," she said, trying to reassure him. "When he's better, Daddy will bring him to you."

"I want my daddy _now_," Elleelen replied. "I've never been away from him before, and I don't like it. We've never been apart…"

"You're lucky," Kasia told him wistfully. "My daddy is gone a lot, to help people. It's his job, being the King." She resented that somewhat, because she missed her father when he was gone. Elleelen didn't know how lucky he was to have a father around all the time, she thought enviously.

Elleelen slowly nodded. "Daddy worked a lot, but I got to see him every day." He scowled. "At least- I did," he corrected.

The sounds of the door to the room opening drew their attention.

************

Mirkwood

************

Thranduil sat alone, bitterly reflecting on his memories. It was on this day ten years ago that he had banished his son from his life.

The Elven sighed, for he missed Legolas terribly, and the pain only grew worse every year that went by, with no contact from him. Though Thranduil was not truly surprised about the limited contact; he had been much too harsh on his son, and he knew it.

Thranduil was forced to rely on outside sources to keep in touch with how Legolas was faring, for he was afraid that if he tried to approach his youngest child, Legolas would run away and never be seen again.

And the King of Mirkwood wondered just what his grandchild looked like; he only knew that Legolas had a son.

But he feared he would never know, because of a mistake he had made so long ago.

To be continued


	10. Part 9. Nyar- I'- Olin

Other: I think Elleelen's name would be pronounced something like [E-lay-lin]. At least, that's how I pronounce it. It's real Elvish, after all, so I can't be certain.

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Enya! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Aragorn and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is an AU! Rated R for major angst, attempted rape, and sexual innuendo. Takes place right after the last chapter.

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 9. Nyar- I'- Olin

( To Tell The Secret)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who knows?   
Only time...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elleelen jumped to his feet and ran over to his daddy, who scooped him up and held him tightly. 'I was so worried about you, Daddy! I thought that he might have hurt you or something,' Elleelen said, frowning at the Man.

Elessar winced. He wondered if his son somehow knew of the reason he was here, because that was a very bold assumption.

Kasia understood Elvish, for her father had taught it to her. She frowned at Elleelen's words. '**_My_** father would not have hurt him, Elleelen,' she protested, frowning, as she walked over to her father, who picked her up, cupping her small cheek in his large hand.

'Then why was **your** father pinning **my** father to the bed and not letting him go?' Elleelen countered pointedly. He remembered that all too well.

Two voices broke into the argument at the same time.

'Elleelen, do not-'

'Kasia, you know better than to-'

Legolas and Elessar both paused and looked at each other. Legolas was the first to look away, as he pressed his forehead against Elleelen's.

'Elessar and I were merely having a disagreement, Elleelen. He was not hurting me,' Legolas lied, though he glanced at Elessar sharply, resentment in his azure eyes.

Elleelen frowned, for he sensed that his father was hiding something. 'What's wrong? And why did we come here, Daddy? I want to go home and play with my friends,' he said.

Legolas smiled grimly at Elessar. You decided to do this, so you tell him, Elessar, the Elf thought to himself.

Kasia felt a little hurt at Elleelen's words. 'Why **are** they here, Father?' she questioned, her grey eyes glinting with confusion and hurt.

'I- We have something to tell you, Kasia, Elleelen,' Elessar said finally. He was angry that Legolas had apparently decided that he should explain it to the children. He walked over to Kasia's bed and sat down on it, placing her in his lap.

Legolas took a seat across the room, where the nanny had been sitting. She had left right after they had entered. Elleelen sat in his daddy's lap, frowning across the room at Elessar. Somehow, the frown did not manage to include Kasia, though she was frowning at Elleelen, because he was scowling at her father.

'What is it?' Kasia questioned. She had a bad feeling about this, and hoped that her father was not going to tell her that he was going to marry Legolas' sister or something. She knew that her father's advisors wanted him to marry again and have a son, because she could not rule Gondor as a Queen.

That knowledge had been hers since as long as she could remember. Kasia knew that her father disagreed with that law, but it was unbreakable. She resented it, but had grown to accept it, for her father had already promised that since she could not be a Queen, she could marry for love, instead of being betrothed.

Elleelen defiantly remained silent. He did not want to be here, and he wanted to go home to his friends and everyone he knew. He didn't like this at all, not one bit, and he had the feeling that his daddy didn't, either.

Elessar sighed and said, 'Kasia… Elleelen is your brother. Elleelen, Kasia is your sister, and I am your sire.' The King didn't know what else to say or do, so he just said it.

Two young voices exclaimed, 'WHAT?'

'I don't have a sister! You're lying!' Elleelen shouted. 'And I don't have _or_ **want** a sire!' He jumped to his feet and glared directly at Elessar. 'All my sire ever did was make my father sad and whenever I asked about him, my father cried.' The words were spoken in a harsh and angry tone, including a child's uncertainty, as he looked at his daddy.

Legolas murmured, 'Elleelen… he's telling the truth. Kasia **is** your sister- at least, she is your half sister- for you share the same father she does.' He closed his eyes in sorrow, seeing the hurt and anger in Elleelen's grey eyes. Legolas damned Elessar again, for ruining the happy life he had been sharing with his son.

Elleelen gaped silently at his father. Kasia was doing exactly the same thing to _her_ father.

Elessar was staring directly at Legolas, trying to figure out what Elleelen meant when he had said, _'All my sire ever did was make my father sad and whenever I asked about him, my father cried.'_

Kasia declared, 'That's impossible- **he's** a male Elf; he can't have children!' She was angry as well, and confused and uncertain, because her world was changing. She did not understand any of this at all, except for one thing- if Elleelen truly **was** her daddy's son, then he was the heir to Gondor.

'Sylvan male Elves can have children, Kasia,' Elessar corrected calmly. 'Tis rare- but not impossible.' He looked down at his daughter, who had a look of betrayal on her face, and hurt in her grey eyes.

'Daddy, I don't **want** a sire, I just want to go home!' Elleelen informed his father, anger in his eyes. 'Can't we go home?' He already knew that Sylvan male Elves could give birth, like his father had to him. So that was not so much a shock to him as being here, with this stranger. Elleelen didn't want to be here at all!

Legolas saw Elessar flinch at Elleelen's words. 'Son… we **are** home. Remember that Elessar is the King here- which makes you the Crown Prince,' Legolas softly said to his child. Though Legolas knew that he would not consider Gondor a home. It was more like a stone prison than anything.

Elleelen scowled at both Elessar and his father. 'I don't to be a Prince; I want to go home!' he shouted. 'Please, Father! Can't we go home, back in the village with Lord Allen and everyone?' His voice nearly broke with emotion.

'No,' Legolas whispered, glaring accusingly at Elessar, without letting either Kasia or Elleelen see it. 'We can't… Elessar wants to get to know you.'

'I don't want to know **_him_**,' Elleelen muttered. He didn't trust anyone, besides his father, Lord Allen, and his young friends. 'I want to go home!' he half-sobbed, before he ran out of the room.

Legolas jumped to his feet as well. 'Elleelen,' he cried. But he was not certain if he should go after his son right now, or give him time to accept the truth. A warning look from Elessar made up his mind for him.

Kasia had been in shock for a few moments at the seemingly gentle Elleelen's outburst. She felt at this moment that she could empathize more with Elleelen than with her father, who had just turned her entire world upside down in just a few moments.

She, too, stood and glared at her father. 'How could you do this, Father? You lied to me; and Elleelen is your son… You said it would be the two of us together and you just…' Kasia bolted out of her bedroom as well, following Elleelen's example.

'I hope you're happy with yourself, Elessar,' Legolas hissed. 'You've hurt both of them now, and I daresay that it will take a while for you to reach Elleelen's heart.'

'What did you say to cause him to dislike me so?' Elessar angrily retorted, as he stood and crossed over to the golden-haired Elf, whose eyes shone like stars as they flashed with anger.

Legolas rolled his eyes. 'Tis not you personally that Elleelen dislikes, for he has not known you long enough to decide that. Though you did not help matters by pinning me against my will to the bed, which, as you may recall, he saw.'

Elessar bluntly questioned, 'Then why is he so adverse to the idea of getting to know me?' The King was hurt, to put it mildly, at what Elleelen had said.

'Elleelen… he used to ask questions about his sire- you- a long time ago,' Legolas told him. 'And it hurt me, because it reminded me of everything that I'd gone through to have him. Don't misunderstand me, Elessar- I love him dearly, as I have once I got used to the idea of having a son. But I would that my father and I had not parted as we did. At any rate, for some reason Elleelen suddenly stopped asking me questions. I never knew why- until now.'

'He knew that it upset you, so Elleelen desisted from asking,' Elessar stated. He sighed, which was echoed by Legolas.

Legolas looked at Elessar. 'Our life together was never easy, until I started working for Lord Allen. But Elleelen and I- we had each other, and that was all either of us cared about. And he needs me now, to help him understand. Kasia will need you to explain this to her. She probably fears that she is going to lose your affection.'

Elessar frowned and said, 'I want to hear **_everything_** that happened after you left Mirkwood, up until when I found you, Legolas.'

'After we see to the children,' Legolas replied. 'They must come first, Elessar.' The graceful Elf slipped out of the doorway, following the tiny, nearly invisible trail that his son had left behind. Elessar started to follow, but was stopped by a servant.

"Sire, you have a visitor," she said demurely, lowering her eyes.

Elessar bit back a sigh, for this was what he hated the most about being a King. He wanted to reassure Kasia that he would always love her; she was his baby girl, after all. He had enough room in his heart to love both Elleelen and Kasia, if he could only be given the chance to. As for his feelings towards Legolas…

"Sire?" the female servant pressed.

"Very well," Elessar said, deciding to make it up to Kasia later. He would take her horseback riding, which was her favorite thing to do with him. The King followed the servant to greet his visitor, wondering who it could be.

Kasia found Elleelen first, in the small garden. She was startled to hear him crying, because of how angry he had been earlier. Part of Kasia wanted to weep as well. What both of their fathers had done was so unfair!

'Are you ok?' she questioned, blinking back her own tears.

Elleelen looked over his shoulder, showing Kasia his grey eyes, which were swollen from his tears. 'No, I'm not ok. My daddy is upset for some reason, and I don't understand this at all. If your father is **my** father, then he's the one who upset my… other father so badly, so that anytime I asked questions about who my sire was, he cried, when he thought that I didn't know 'bout it.'

Kasia stated, 'It's not fair. They can't just change our lives like this and expect us not to be upset.' Her voice was hoarse, as a few tears dripped down her face.

'It's not just that,' Elleelen choked out, before he wiped his tears away, not wanting to be seen as weak. 'Daddy is hiding something, but I don't know what it is. He's never done that before.'

'Maybe you should ask him,' Kasia suggested. She fleetingly wondered if Elleelen even liked her being his sister. Though she did not know who was older- her or him. Kasia didn't know how she felt about having a brother yet.

Elleelen nodded. He was miserable, and couldn't decide what Kasia thought of him. Did she even want a brother, he wondered. Though he was mostly worried about his father. 

Legolas entered the garden, and easily spotted the dark hair, belonging to Kasia, and the golden hair, which belonged to Elleelen. He silently went over and knelt down beside his son.

'Elleelen,' Legolas said, trying to get his son's attention. The boy wouldn't look at him, so he tried again. 'Elleelen, look at me, please.' His voice was gentle and soft, and had the desired effect that he had wanted.

'I know you are hurt and angry, my son, and for that I am sorry. I did what I thought was right back then,' Legolas said in a low voice. 'I still love you, and I always will, for you are my son, and I could never stop loving you. This doesn't change my love for you. I am staying here with you, and I will never leave you.'

Elleelen looked relieved, before he hugged his father tightly. 'I love you, Daddy… but I'm so confused. I don't even know how to rule and if I even want to and…'

Kasia looked at the ground, slightly envious of the love she saw between her new brother and his father. She also felt left out, because her father wasn't here to make her the same promises.

Legolas wrapped one arm around Elleelen, and beckoned to Kasia, for he knew that she was hurting as well. The tall Elf sank to the ground, still holding his son, as Elessar's daughter tentatively approached him.

Elessar stepped into the garden in time to see Legolas place an arm around Kasia, before he began speaking. He had greeted the lord who had arrived, and had spoken with him only as long as it was necessary, before he had left to find his daughter. 

'You must be confused as well, Kasia- but do not worry; your father loves you very much. Nothing could ever change that; his love for you will never die.' Legolas smiled gently at her, before he looked at Elleelen. 'And Elessar will love you as well, Elleelen, as much as I do. Give him a chance before you reject him, because this is not easy for any of us.' He hid his own inner torment and pain, as he tried to reassure both children that Elessar would love them equally, and that nothing would change their personal relationships with the parent that each had known.

To the King's surprise, both Kasia and Elleelen turned towards Legolas, before embracing him. Elessar was stunned to hear Legolas' words, especially after what he had done to force the Elf stay here, instead of leaving. He also felt hesitant to intrude, feeling that this was a private moment between future step-father and step-daughter.

Kasia was surprised, for Legolas sort of reminded her of what she could faintly remember of her mother. She did not say it aloud, however, though she instinctively knew that Legolas was good, kind, and nice. She'd known that since he saved her from those evil kidnappers. And Elleelen was not as bad as some other boys she had met… maybe this would be ok.

Elleelen was glad that his daddy was not going away, which had been one of his fears. Giving his sire a chance to prove himself, however, was not easy. Elleelen knew that he would try, though, because his father wanted it. At least Kasia didn't play stupid, boring games with dolls, he thought. She was okay- for a girl.

Legolas enjoyed the trusting nature of the two children who clung to him. He was not certain of what role Elessar expected of him regarding Kasia, but he did not intend to just ignore her or pretend that she was not there and being affected by this. Kasia reminded Legolas of Elessar and Arwen, and a little bit of Elleelen. Affection for her was natural, in his opinion. He had enough room in his heart to love both children, and would do so, whether or not Elessar approved. He wasn't certain of exactly what all was expected of him from the Man.

Elessar silently watched the three, wistfully wondering if Elleelen would give him a chance to prove himself. And he wistfully looked at Legolas, who had, apparently, already gained Kasia's trust.

Elessar wondered what he would have to do to regain Legolas' trust in him, as the Elf looked up and saw him standing there. Neutrality entered into his sapphire eyes, saddening the Man, who stood there feeling very much the outsider, despite the fact that both children were his.

Legolas looked away from Elessar and turned back to the children, holding them both close. He had nothing to say to Elessar… Nothing that he could or would say, that would make a difference to him.

*************

Mirkwood

*************

Thranduil was surprised by a vague sense of unhappiness, which had started plaguing him at dawn yesterday. He didn't know where it had come from, only that it was there, which made no sense to him.

Except for the fact that Legolas was not here and that Thranduil had not looked on him for ten long years, he had nothing to be unhappy about. So what was this strange feeling that was plaguing him as of late?

Thranduil sighed, for the sorrow, pain, and heart-wrenching grief that he felt were nearly too much for him. They consumed him, day and night, but he had not found the source of this torment.

It was wearing him down, drawing him into its inescapable sadness and despair, along with a strange resignation.

Thranduil had only once before experienced something similar to this, when one  of his children had been in pain and needed him. So who could be reaching out to him now, Thranduil wondered. Only his three youngest children remained in Middle Earth, and two of them were safe in bed, here at home.

So that left only… Legolas.

To be continued


	11. Part 10. Nyar- I'- Rina

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Enya! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Aragorn and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is an AU! Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. Takes place the night after the last chapter. Gets lemony again!

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 10. Nyar- I'- Rina

       (To Tell The Memory)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who knows?   
Only time…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The children were now asleep, tucked safely into the two beds in Kasia's room, with the blankets pulled up to their chins. The major distinction between them right now was the difference in their hair, and the fact that Elleelen slept with his grey eyes open, but vacant, and Kasia had her grey eyes closed. But both had their mouths open slightly in sleep, and dried tear streaks on their young faces.

Legolas adjusted the blankets carefully, pressing a kiss onto Elleelen's forehead, being certain not to wake him, before he did the same to Kasia, smoothing her dark hair out of her face. A throat quietly cleared behind him, and Legolas lifted his chin slightly, as he turned to face Elessar. The Man had bid both children good night, and had kissed Kasia on her cheek. He did not dare to try doing that to Elleelen yet, because his son was still uncertain about all of this.

Elessar silently beckoned to Legolas to follow him, as he left the room silently. The Elf did so, saying nothing, walking behind the Man who was both appealing and cruel at the same time. That was how Legolas thought of Elessar right now; the King could- and had shown- that he was capable of affection, caring, and tenderness. But in other ways, Elessar was cold and cruel, insistent upon dominating and approving his every action, which Legolas greatly resented.

The tiny spark that still loved Elessar, inside of Legolas, was dying, as a fire would without enough kindling. 

Elessar had shown nothing more to Legolas than his lust, the Elf seethed, despairing at the same time. Legolas could not believe that this was happening to him, and he was determined to find some way to end it. This was all too familiar; being seen as nothing more than an object that others might take their pleasure from, not caring how he hurt, or even if he hurt.

Elessar was not certain of what to say to Legolas, to ease the unhappiness in his dull, azure eyes. So he said nothing, waiting until the two finally returned to his room.

Legolas warily watched Elessar, as he took a seat on one side of the bed. The Elven beauty purposefully stayed on the other side of the room, to try to keep his wits about him, so that he would not be distracted by a gentle touch or a warm, pleasant mouth on his…

'Well,' Elessar said, leaning back against the pillows on his bed. 'Are you going to stand there all night, or are you going to sit down?'

Legolas finally sat in a chair, not wanting to get to close to Elessar. He was now halfway across the room from the Man.

Elessar hid a smile, secretly amused that Legolas seemed so… cautious around him. He wasn't truly planning on hurting the Elf- not really. At least, not more than he already had. There was just something about Legolas that made Elessar want to dominate over him, protect him, even love him. Though Elessar also knew that he could not say this to Legolas; the Elf would probably not believe him, especially after everything that had happened.

'So, what happened after you left Mirkwood?' Elessar questioned.

Legolas took a deep breath, before he said, 'I went to find work, of course, in a small town near…'

***********

Flashback

***********

Legolas was so hungry, as he struggled through the crowds, trying to finish delivering the message he had been sent out to retrieve. Most of the people yelled at him to get out of the way, which he tried to do. The problem was that there were too many people in his way to move.

So the fleet and nimble Elf finally leapt up onto the balcony of a nearby building, before using that to leap up on the roof. From then on, it was an easy task to jump from roof to roof, until he finally reached the building he had been heading towards.

His stomach growled, reminding him that he had not eaten yet this day, though it was past mid-day. Legolas wearily climbed down the building, ignoring the strange looks he got from the Men that walked by, carefully setting his feet down on the ground. He knew how strange he looked.

His clothes were fading; a blue, loose shirt and black, loose-fitting leggings, with a green, torn cloak over his shoulders, with the hood pulled over his hair and ears. The shoes that he wore had holes in them, and should have been replaced over three months ago.

None of that mattered as much to the beautiful Elf, as much as the child growing within him. He was slender, even moreso than he used to be, and it showed in how hollow his cheeks were, and how loose his clothes were. His skin was paler, too, and dark circles were under his eyes. The wisps of blond hair that escaped from the hood showed that his hair was clean.

Legolas hurried into the building, and removed the written message from the small bag hanging at his waist. The piece of parchment was tightly held, as the Elf silently walked over to where his employer sat, speaking with someone. He knew better than to interrupt the conversation, so he waited until the Man was finished, before offering the note to him.

It was taken wordlessly and read, before the Man nodded. "All right, then. Go on home and rest now, before returning tonight to take my response."

"Yes, sir," Legolas said, relieved. He silently left, and made his way down to the tiny room he had rented in the inn. He'd sold some of his things to get the money for this room, but Legolas was saving the money he earned to put away for when the child was born.

The Elf lay down in the rather hard bed, on his side, with one hand resting where the child grew. Oh, Elessar, Legolas silently wondered wistfully, as he bit into a piece of slightly stale bread, which he had been given to eat earlier. Would this have been so hard if you were here beside me? But tis for the best, that you do not know…

**********************************************************************

Elessar frowned at learning that Legolas had been that hard-pressed for food and money. 'Didn't anybody want to help you, besides Haldir and Glorfindel?' he questioned incredulously.

'Nay,' Legolas said, shaking his head. 'I worked there until Elleelen was born. I moved to another town, after Elleelen turned a year old. Once again, I took a job, this time as a server. The job only lasted for a year, however…'

***********

Flashback

***********

Legolas carried a tray full of dishes towards the kitchen, wearing the dark green, faded cloak over his once fine, silky green leggings and white shirt, making certain that his ears were hidden by the hood. He was careful to avoid attracting attention in the tavern, not wanting any problems.

After placing the tray on the counter, Legolas took another tray full of drinks, and quietly took them to the ones who had ordered them. With his Elven memory, Legolas never made a mistake when he was the server, and never mixed up the ale, wine, and other alcoholic beverages. Legolas never took his hood off in here, because he was certain of what would happen if he did. His luck had held so far, but he knew it could not last much longer.

A hand grabbed Legolas in a manner that angered the Elf, so he elbowed the Man hard, directly in the stomach. His friends protested that, and grabbed onto his arms as he tried to dart away. More hands ripped the cloak off, and the entire tavern went silent, for all stared at the Elf, who was strangely beautiful.

Soft, smooth, golden hair hung past his shoulders, which were slim but firm. His pale, ivory skin was offset by the color of his hair, and his wide, jade eyes. The clothes that he wore showed how slender he was, and every detail of his firm muscles.

Legolas cringed at the looks he was getting. This was why he had never removed his hood. He was slightly relieved when his current employer walked over, until he saw the calculating look in the Man's eyes, as his eyes roamed over the slender, Elven body.

Legolas jerked hard, to get free of the hands that held him tightly. One of the Men had the audacity to loop an arm around his waist, pinning the Elf's hands to his side. Legolas instantly panicked and twisted hard, breaking free of all arms except for the Man who held him by the waist.

"You were hiding this from me," Legolas' employer slowly said. "You will make an excellent addition to…" He gestured to the figures on the stage, who were all wearing very provocative clothing.

"I will not," Legolas breathed angrily. "I am a server, not a whore." He paled at the unpleasant smile on his employer's face.

"You'll do it, or you will no longer work for me," came the cold response.

A gasp escaped from the Elf, when the Man that held him against his larger body began trying to grope him. Legolas brought his right foot up and kicked backwards hard, directly into the shin of the Man holding him. His right elbow he jerked up, slamming it into the Man's chin. The arms that held him dropped, as the Man fell to the floor unconscious.

Legolas stormed over to where one of the female servers was watching over Elleelen in the backroom. He picked his son up, along with his things, and returned to the main tavern, stalking directly towards the door.

Pausing for a few moments, he silently looked around the room, at the figures gaping at him. Then Legolas looked directly at his employer. "I quit!" he snapped, before leaving.

Little Elleelen whimpered, not understanding why his da-da was so angry, and Legolas relaxed enough to smile and reassure his son that everything was all right, just as long as the two of them were together. Soon he had Elleelen giggling, and Legolas was drawn out of his troubles by his innocent son, though he silently made a vow to never work in a tavern again.

************************************************************************

'They **_what_**?' Elessar cried, in anger. 'Let me understand this- your… employer tried to force you to…'

Legolas nodded silently. 'And soon after that, I met Lord Allen along the road, when he was being robbed by some bandits. I helped him, and I've worked for him ever since. Though I only moved back near Gondor three months ago, which is how I came across Kasia being kidnapped.'

Elessar nodded. 'You should have told me, Legolas. How could you deal with all of that by yourself, with no one to help you?' he asked, feeling extremely guilty. 'And how did you nearly die from giving birth to Elleelen?'

'I told you already,' Legolas murmured. 'I passed out while in labor. If Haldir had not been there…It would have been a lot worse…'

'By Elbereth, Legolas! While you struggled to provide food to feed yourself and my- our son, and worked to support both of you, Arwen was practically waited on hand and foot!' Elessar said, aghast. 'Was it so important to you to keep such a secret?'

Legolas nodded. 'I didn't want to ruin your life. I knew that you loved Arwen dearly and I could not hurt her like that. And there was your unborn child- Kasia- to think about as well.'

Elessar wanted to shake Legolas. How could the Elf act so reasonable about what he had gone through for the last ten years, Elessar wondered. He stood and crossed the room, standing over the Elf that nonchalantly refused to look up at him.

Legolas remained silent when Elessar said his name, before pulling him to his feet. Both felt an undeniable warmth at the touch, and Legolas tilted his face up towards Elessar's slowly, part of him resisting, but the rest of him wanting to do this.

Elessar peered down into Legolas' face, feeling strange inside, before he firmly kissed those sweet lips which belonged to the beautiful Elf. Heat soared in both of their veins, as Elessar began plundering Legolas' mouth with his tongue.

'No,' Legolas moaned, when he felt Elessar's hands roaming over him, tugging at his waistband.

Elessar asked, 'Why do you fight so hard, Legolas?' He genuinely didn't understand why Legolas wouldn't give in to what he wanted. What they both wanted. As if to prove his point, he slipped one of his hands under the Elf's shirt and skimmed it lightly.

Legolas whispered, 'Because I'm not a whore… Why are you doing this?' He felt his body responding, as always, no matter how much he tried to deny it.

'I never said you were a whore,' Elessar said, scowling. He purposefully rocked his hips into Legolas', and smiled at the hoarse groan he heard. 'You have the strength to stop me, if you wanted to.' His other hand loosened the waistbands and stroked one of Legolas' inner thighs, enjoying the soft cry that brought forth from the Elven beauty.

'I…' Legolas was cut off when Elessar's tongue entered his mouth again, preventing him from talking. His protests died when a mouth began deftly trailing down his throat, causing him to whimper.

Elessar easily lifted Legolas with one arm, before he plunged his hand further into the leggings, even as he tenderly carried the weakly protesting Elf to his bed. The Man gently laid him flat, before going to work. Legolas was ashamed of himself again, as he was reminded once more of just how much he desired Elessar, and how he could not resist the touches and kisses from this particular human.

**********

Rivendell

**********

Lord Elrond was vaguely surprised, as he looked at the Elves from Mirkwood, who had just arrived in Rivendell, having passed through the Gap of Rohan, near Gondor.

'So you say that one of the Men there saw Elessar take both Legolas **_and_** his son away?' the Elven lord questioned, a frown on his face. He knew that Legolas had distanced himself from Elessar for some reason, though he did not know why. It made no sense to him that Legolas would go anywhere with Elessar, even with his son. The former Elven Prince had chosen the life of exile, instead of not having his child. Elrond supported that decision, for he felt that all life was sacred.

The Elves nodded in answer to Elrond's question.

The half Elf puzzled over this for a few moments, before deciding to write to Thranduil and see if he possibly knew why Legolas was taken away by Elessar. Elbereth only knew why the two former friends had distanced themselves apart, Elrond mused. They had once been best friends, after all.

He silently went up to his study and grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment. After scribbling a few words down, he folded the parchment and took it to his fastest messenger.

'Take this to King Thranduil of Mirkwood at once,' Elrond ordered. The messenger nodded and silently left.

When he was gone, Elrond crossed over to a window and looked out at it. What have you done now, Elessar? And what does Legolas have to do with it, he wondered.

To be continued


	12. Part 11. Lav Amin Kel-

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Lee Ann Womack. Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Aragorn and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is an AU! Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. Takes place the next morning.

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 11. Lav Amin Kel-

        (Allow Me To Leave)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the edge lookin over  
All I see is a four leaf clover  
Maybe a sign of things to come   
Should I jump, or should I run?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas woke up first, and stiffened when he remembered what had happened the night before. Once more, he'd allowed Elessar to do as he pleased; shame crept into Legolas, along with anger.

Why **_can't_** I fight him, Legolas angrily asked himself, before despair crept into him. Because I want him… And he knows it. The Elf loathed both himself and Elessar. Himself for not being strong enough to resist this seemingly insatiable desire he had for Elessar, and Elessar because the Man was able to silence his protests, and penetrate through every barrier that Legolas tried to erect around himself.

Legolas knew that he could not honestly say that Elessar had really forced him to do anything against his will. At least, he didn't believe so. The Man had asked him if he truly wanted him to stop, after all. And if he was honest with himself, Legolas did love it when Elessar touched him, but therein lay the problem. Elessar did not love him when he touched him; he only did so because of lust.

Legolas froze when he felt Elessar stirring, as he woke up and the Elf quickly made his eyes go vacant, feigning sleep. He was not ready to start this again; the arguments, the pain, and the ever-growing grief inside of his heart.

Elessar stopped moving when he saw that Legolas was asleep. He peered into the beautiful face, with the vacant, blue eyes. A strange emotion crossed over his face at the sadness he saw in the unhappy look on Legolas' face. Elessar frowned, plagued by his own guilt. He slowly reached out and touched the soft face, caressing it tenderly with his right hand, wishing that he could figure out what to do to make Legolas happier. His other arm was wrapped around the slender waist possessively. If he gave Legolas his freedom, Elessar was certain that he would never see the Elf again, or Elleelen.

Legolas did not move when the hand softly, slowly stroked his face, though he wondered at the touch. Elessar's hand never moved anywhere else, just staying on the smooth skin of his face. Why? Legolas wondered, not understanding.

What should I do, Elessar wondered, sighing aloud. He quickly withdrew his hand when he felt Legolas shift position slightly. 'Are you awake?' he questioned.

Legolas feigned a yawn, before he blearily looked at Elessar, pretending that he had just woken up. 'Yes,' he muttered, careful not to look the Man directly in the eyes, lest he realize that he had lied.

Elessar murmured softly, 'Is this honestly so hard for you, Legolas?' His concern was genuine, for he did not like seeing how unhappy the Elven beauty was.

'Why would you think it is not hard?' Legolas bitterly asked.

'If you would stay of your own will, I would give you your freedom,' Elessar told him. 'You are my friend… and much more.'

Legolas shook his head. His words were icy and coolly dismissive as he pointedly stated, 'You have what **_you_** wanted, why aren't you happy?'

Elessar flinched. 'Because you aren't happy. Your body is with me, but **you** never are.'

'What do you expect? I am naught but a prisoner here, and a whore for you,' Legolas retorted. He cut Elessar off when he tried to say something. 'I'd be much happier working for Lord Allen again- or even in that tavern I worked in.'

'You can't mean that,' Elessar said, stunned.

'Why not? At least there I wasn't forced to sell my self-respect,' the former Elven Prince snapped. 'He gave me a choice to either work for him or leave; you did not. You are not my friend, and I am not your friend. A friend wouldn't do such things to a friend.'

Elessar felt those words pierce his heart like a dagger, and he protested, 'Legolas, I-'

'You cannot use people, Elessar, and expect them to **_like_** you, let alone love you,' Legolas harshly said, before he turned his back to the Man. He was tired of being used by his former best friend for nothing more than pleasure. 'I can't even trust you anymore, Elessar. I pity you, for the noble and honorable Man you used to be, and the cruel, selfish Man you are now.'

'I am not cruel and selfish!' Elessar denied, though he inwardly wondered if it was true. Have I truly only been thinking about myself, he asked himself.

Legolas coolly smiled at Elessar, as he turned long enough to let the Man see the look on his face. 'Really? Name one thing you have done since you found out about Elleelen that **_wasn't_** selfish.' He regretted the words the instant they were out of his mouth, because Elessar had turned pale and looked… shaken. If Legolas' intention had been to hurt Elessar as much as he himself hurt, it had worked.

The King of Gondor released Legolas, before he sat up. He silently grabbed his breeches and pulled them on. He then stood, before he looked down at Legolas. Elessar knew that he had not acted like a friend, but Legolas was not as innocent as he was proclaiming himself to be. 'How about admitting the truth, Legolas? What you did was cruel and selfish too! You denied me the right to see my son for ten years!'

Neither of the two knew about the small figure standing on the other side of the bedroom door. A child's nightmare, plagued by fear and restlessness, had awoken Kasia, and she had come looking for her father to comfort her. She was stunned to hear voices raised in anger.

Legolas dressed as well, before he glared at Elessar. 'I had good reasons for what I did. Did **_I_** force **_you_** to change your entire life? Did **_I_** force **_you_** to move, against your will? Am **_I_** forcing **_you_** into an unwanted marriage? As I said before, what I did might not have been right, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances.'

'Really? And here I thought you wanted to go back to that tavern and become a whore,' Elessar cruelly flung at him. He was stunned when Legolas paled, but pressed on. 'Would it not be easier to whore for me than a bunch of other people?'

'You're just as cruel as Raid is,' Legolas spat out. 'Thinking nothing of what a person's feelings might be.'

Elessar frowned. 'What does Lord Allen's son have to do with being cruel?' He stiffened when he saw the look in Legolas' eyes. 'He's the one who knocked you out, isn't he?'

Legolas nodded slowly. 'Though I do not think he did anything to me, for I am alive, and the only wounds I had were a few bruises and the cut on my head.'

Kasia pressed her ear against the door, for she recognized her father's voice and Legolas', though she did not understand all of what they were arguing about. Something about Legolas being forced into doing things he didn't want to, by **her** father. The thought made Kasia frown, for she thought her father could not do such things. Yet her father had not denied those accusations, so they might be true… If it was true, Kasia was going to be very angry with her father, because forcing someone into doing something they didn't want to was wrong; he had told her that numerous times.

'He'd better not have…' Elessar hissed. The thought made him sick.

'No, it is very unlikely, Elessar, for as I said, I am alive. I would have died if he had,' Legolas murmured. The Elf hid his shock that Elessar would be angry over such a thing, and then figured that it was because Elessar did not want anyone but himself touching him. 'Anyway, what is the difference between what he tried to do and what you do, Elessar?'

'I never knocked you out,' Elessar answered coldly. 'And I doubt that you would respond to him as you do to me.'

Legolas furiously shouted, 'But it doesn't matter if I say 'no' or not! You twist my feelings around, to make me give into you, no matter how much it hurts me.'

Elessar smirked, 'That's not what your body tells me when I touch you. Tis your own desire that undoes you, not me.'

'You are as stubborn as both Haldir and Elrond, that you cannot even admit when you are wrong, Elessar!' Legolas felt pleasure at seeing the wince on the Man's face briefly, until it faded away. He did not like causing such pain as this, because it made him no better than Elessar. He passionately asked, 'What happened to the Man that used to be my friend, who would never do such things?' The Man I love, he silent added.

'Part of him died when his wife did, as he was forced to helplessly watch her suffer, until the end, from a fever that an Elf could have cured,' Elessar replied, remembering the pain from that. '**_You_** could have saved her, had you been here. But you were not. The other part of him died when his best friend disappeared out of his life, taking a little secret with him, and not bothering to let a grieving friend to know that he was alive.' His voice was haunted, angry, and resentful. 'I thought you were dead.'

Legolas gasped. He had not considered what effect his disappearance would have on Elessar, and had not thought that his former best friend would believe him to be dead. 'Why did you think so, for my body was never found?'

'Because I never heard a word from you!' Elessar retorted. 'How do you think I felt, seeing you- alive and well?'

'I would have thought you would be glad that I wasn't dead,' Legolas muttered, unable to resist baiting him.

Elessar growled, 'Legolas…' His exasperation was evident, and he looked directly into Legolas' face, a scowl on his face.

The two silently looked at each other, until both starting laughing. For a few moments, it was just like old times; Legolas purposefully misunderstanding something that Elessar had said, and then, just like now, they always, eventually, laughed about it. 

Legolas sobered up first, and looked at Elessar. 'I truly did not mean to hurt you so… I thought I was doing the right thing, so no one else would be hurt.'

'I know,' Elessar muttered.

Neither were certain of what to say to each other, for they both had hurt the other. Legolas was still in pain inside of his heart because of how he'd let Elessar use him, and Elessar was feeling guilty over what he'd done to Legolas, though he still could not release his friend.

If they were not married, Elleelen could not be acknowledged as a legitimate heir. That was important to Elessar, not only because of his people, but because whoever took the throne after him had to be a responsible leader. If Elleelen was not proclaimed as the heir, then one of Faramir's sons would be made the heir by default, and none of them were trustworthy, at least not in Elessar's opinion.

He suspected that they were the ones behind the trouble in Gondor, but he could not prove it. His duty to his people **had** to come first, as always, before the stirrings of his heart. Though he truly loved the beautiful creature who was looking at him wordlessly, Elessar could not- would not take the chance that Legolas certainly did not return his feelings.

Legolas still resented being forced to remain here, and longed to escape with his son. But the choice had been easier all those years ago, when Elessar had not known about Elleelen. Now he did, and if Legolas took their son with him, he would be denying Elessar his right to be a father, and Elleelen of his right to know his sire. The golden-haired Elf could not be so selfish as to deny them of that. At least Elessar seemed to be relenting somewhat towards him, for he had not touched him intimately,  despite the fact that there was desire in the Man's eyes. However, Legolas still did not trust him completely, and judging from the sorrow in Elessar's grey eyes, the Man knew it, too.

Legolas only hoped that he had not conceived again, for he knew that if he had, Elessar would insist that he remain here for the rest of his life. Legolas was also certain that the King would want to bed him again. But maybe, Legolas thought hopefully, Elessar would ask first, instead of blatantly seducing him. Part of him felt that was a foolish notion, but it harbored in his heart.

As for conceiving another child… Legolas did not know what to do about that. After Elleelen had been born, he had not sought the company of a partner in his bed. He had no experience with any potion that might prevent it from happening again, but maybe a Healer would know… 

Having another child with Elessar would just bind them even tighter together, and Legolas did not want that- at least not right now, until everything was settled.

Outside in the hallway, Kasia slid to the floor in shock. How could her father have done this to Legolas, especially after the Elf had saved her life? Could Legolas truly have saved her mother, if he had been here? Kasia knew, however, that Legolas could not help it if he had not been here, because her daddy had told her that no one was to blame for her mommy's death. But to do such things…

Tears dripped down Kasia's face, as she stood, before she fled to her room, sobbing.

************************

Mirkwood, sometime later

************************

Thranduil was surprised when the strange sadness inside of him faded somewhat, replaced by a slightly happier feeling, though it was still edged with resentment and sorrow.

What are you going through, Legolas, the Elven King wondered. He was afraid that this grief he felt from his youngest son might kill Legolas, and Thranduil longed to look upon his son's face, to see that he was truly alive and well.

He was vaguely surprised when he heard someone shout that a messenger had arrived from Rivendell, but Thranduil obligingly came out to get the message, wondering briefly why Elrond would send him a message, after all this time. The Elven lord had made it clear that he disapproved of his decision to renounce Legolas as his son, Thranduil knew.

The King of Mirkwood bit back a sigh as he unfolded the parchment and slowly began reading it, expecting it to be another pointed reminder that he was Legolas' father and should try to make amends with him. What he read, however, angered Thranduil so much that he crushed the parchment in his hands.

Elessar was causing the pain he felt from his son, Thranduil seethed silently. He was not going to stand for it.

After hastily writing a reply, in which he mentioned the strange sadness, despair, and pain he had been feeling from Legolas, he told the Rivendell messenger to return and give his reply to Elrond.

The messenger nodded and left again immediately, sensing the urgency of his return from the Elven King.

To be continued.


	13. Part 12. Ruth

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Lee Ann Womack. Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Elessar and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is AU! Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. Takes place hours after the last chapter.

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 12. Ruth

           (Anger)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After I fall, where do I stand?   
After my heart is in your hands   
And you've got it all

After I fall, where do I stand?   
After I've loved you all I can   
Will I still stand tall?   
After I fall

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elessar and Legolas spoke quietly for a while longer, of old friends and old times. Both were careful not to mention anything else that might lead them back into another fight, for neither wanted another argument to occur. Both desired the other, though nothing came of the desire this time, because they knew that they had things they needed to work out before they decided just what relationship they were going to have.

Legolas let out a faint sigh, feeling the ever-looming grief inside him. He had to be strong, for the sake of his son, he told himself, but the grief gnawed at him, at his very heart, tearing at his soul. Legolas was strong, but even the strongest can break with no hope left. The former Elven prince had listened to Elessar's explanations of why he needed an heir so badly, before he had protested that Elessar should love Elleelen because he was his son, not because he was the salvation of Gondor. Legolas' sapphire eyes glazed over slightly, as he struggled to keep the Man from seeing the crippling pain he was in.

Elessar murmured, 'I know that, Legolas. I do love him for that, if for no other reason. But I also must think of my people. And Elleelen does not appear thrilled to know that I am his sire.' He frowned when he saw a twinge of pain cross over Legolas' face. 'Are you all right?' Concerned, Elessar looked closer at the Elven beauty, who appeared to be having trouble just focusing on their conversation.

Legolas weakly looked at Elessar. 'I'm fine,' he said, a bit sharply, as he did when he was hiding something. Telling Elessar that his grief was threatening to kill him would not help anything at all, and besides, the Man didn't love him, so the rejection of his love for Elessar would only make him feel worse, Legolas believed.

'No, you're not,' Elessar flatly stated, angered that Legolas was lying to him. 'Tell me the truth, Legolas,' he sternly said. 

'I did,' Legolas lied again. 'There is naught you can do for me, Elessar, so don't bother asking. I shall be all right.'

Elessar frowned even more, but let it go. He did not want to be accused of being selfish and cruel again, though his heart hurt at the thought of Legolas being in pain. He sighed as well, not liking the horrible, guilty feeling inside of him, for he blamed himself for Legolas' pain.

Legolas slowly stood and stumbled slightly, before he shook his head. 'I do not know about you, but I am hungry. The children must be as well.'

'All right. Let's go get them and eat,' Elessar agreed, as he stood. He was afraid of pushing Legolas too far, too fast. He would never survive losing Legolas again, and he knew it. So instead of finding ways to convince the beautiful Elf to stay, Elessar clung to him fiercely, refusing to let him go. He truly loved Legolas… and their son… but he was uncertain as to how to show love.

The King of Gondor led the way through the hallways, to where Kasia's room was. Legolas followed him, trailing behind a bit. Pain twinged in his heart, causing him to flinch and hiss softly. When Elessar turned back to look at him in worry, Legolas feigned that he was all right.

Elessar shook his head but again, he said nothing.

Inside of Kasia's room, Elleelen was trying to comfort her, as Kasia sobbed onto her pillow. The golden-haired boy sat on the bed beside her, a worried look on his face, as he gently patted her back.

"What's wrong, Kasia?" he asked. He'd woken up when his… sort-of sister had run into the room crying, before she flung herself onto her bed, weeping loudly.

Kasia turned her red-rimmed eyes to Elleelen. "My d-daddy… is d-doing something **_terrible_**," she choked out.

Their identical eyes met, the same grey shade in both.

"I don't understand," Elleelen said slowly, as the bedroom door opened.

Kasia looked towards the figures who stood in the doorway. Her swollen grey eyes accusingly glared at her father, anger, sadness, confusion, and… hurt.

"Kasia?" Elessar questioned, not understanding the look in his daughter's eyes, and the accusing look she was giving him.

Kasia merely continued glaring wordlessly at her father. She wasn't going to confront him in front of Legolas or Elleelen; she intended to speak with him alone.

Legolas froze at the look Kasia was giving to Elessar. Somehow, Legolas knew that **she** knew something that she shouldn't have known.

Elleelen climbed off to the bed and darted over to his daddy, wearing nothing but a long nightshirt, as he clung to his tall father's legs fiercely. He was happy when those strong, familiar hands took a hold of his waist and lifted him into the hair, holding him snugly against his father's right hip. 'I love you, Daddy,' Elleelen whispered, pressing a kiss to his daddy's cheek adoringly.

The boy frowned at how cold his father felt, and unwound one of his arms from his father's neck, before pressing his hand against his daddy's face. 'Why're you so cold, Daddy?'

Legolas whispered, 'A castle is a cold place for full Elves, Elleelen. Stone walls with little growing inside of them weaken an Elf's ties to nature. You and Kasia do not feel the effects because Elessar's half Mortal blood prevents it.'

Elleelen hated to admit it, but he did not fully believe what his father was saying, though he knew that it was partly true. He'd seen the way his daddy reacted to being trapped indoors on the rare occasions that he was sick, and knew his father was adversely affected by being shut away from the outside. 'Maybe we should go outside, then,' Elleelen said. He was still worried about Kasia, for he did not know why she was so upset.

'We're eating breakfast first, Elleelen' Elessar said. 'Maybe after that, a trip outside might be a good idea.'

'Okay.' Elleelen barely acknowledged the Man, until he saw the look of disapproval in his daddy's cobalt eyes. 'Thanks, Eless- Father.' The word felt strange to the young boy, for 'Father' had always referred to his beautiful, loving, Elven daddy. Not to a complete stranger, whom Elleelen didn't even know.

Elessar was gratified when Elleelen called him 'Father'. It was the first time that the boy had done so, but the joy that the Man felt from that was diminished by the accusatory gaze that Kasia was giving him. And he was worried about Legolas, for Elleelen had confirmed Elessar's suspicions that something was wrong with Legolas.

Kasia cleared her throat, causing all of the others to look at her. "Father, can I talk to you? **_Alone_**?" she emphasized, casting an apologetic look at Elleelen and Legolas.

"I suppose, my daughter," Elessar said, slightly puzzled over what was upsetting his daughter so much.

Legolas figured that Kasia wanted to have a private talk with her father, and nodded, before he carried Elleelen out of the room. The young, golden-haired boy was confused, but readily went with his father, for he wanted to be able to talk to his daddy alone, too.

After Legolas left, Kasia stood and glared at her father, her hands on her hips. "How **_could_** you?" she cried, careful to keep her voice low enough so that anyone outside of the room could not hear her. Kasia demanded, "How could you do that to him? He saved my life and you're making him do things he doesn't want to!"

"What are you talking about?" Elessar questioned. A silent fear was in him… A fear that Kasia knew everything about how he had gotten Legolas and Elleelen to come here.

"Don't lie," she snapped. "I overheard your argument with Legolas!" Tears ran down her face, as she glowered at her father. "You are… you are forcing him to marry you, and you made him come here against his will!"

Elessar stiffened. "Lower your voice, young lady, and watch your tongue. I **am** your father. As for Legolas… he freely chooses to stay." That was a partial truth… sort of, the Man knew. Legolas chose to stay… while Elleelen was here. As long as their son was here, Legolas would never leave.

Though Elessar was not surprised at Kasia's reaction. Yes, what he had done was wrong, and he knew it. Deep down inside, he knew his actions were selfish and cruel, but he didn't know how to show that he loved Legolas. It was easy to show affection to Kasia and Elleelen; fatherly love was easy, but relationships took time.

Kasia frowned knowingly. "You're lying again. I heard what he said. You're going to make him marry you and make him miserable. You always said that it was wrong to make someone do something they did not want to, but here you are doing it. Did you tell me any other lies, Father?" Disapproval radiated from her, like an aura.

"Kasia!" Elessar sharply reprimanded. "You have no right to judge me; I am your father. As for Legolas marrying me… If he does not, Elleelen cannot become the King after me, and then Faramir's children will take the throne."

"Elleelen doesn't even know if he wants to be king!" Kasia protested. "You can't use and manipulate people like I do my toys, Father. They have feelings, too, and you're hurting Legolas', Elleelen's, and mine!' The young girl reproachfully looked at her father. She was not surprised that her father was attracted to Legolas; he tended to like males more than females. She'd asked him why once, and he said that male or female, love was love, beyond gender and age.

Elessar breathed out a long sigh. "I know, Kasia. But I love him… and I cannot let him go again. I would rather he hate me for the rest of his life than to face losing him once more."

********************

Elsewhere in the Castle

********************

Legolas took Elleelen to an empty room, and sat down in one of the soft, velvet-covered chairs. He cradled his son close, stroking the familiar, soft, blond locks.

Elleelen murmured, 'Why are you so sad, Daddy?' He wanted to make his daddy feel better and hug him and tell him that everything was going to be all right, just like his father told him when he was sad. But Elleelen could not make that promise unless he knew what was wrong, because his daddy had said that nothing was worse than a lie.

"I missed you," Legolas answered, keeping the truth hidden from his empathic son, who would, no doubt, blame himself if he knew the truth.

Elleelen wrapped his small arms around his father and hugged him, whispering that he loved him and that he was right here. 'Don't be sad, Daddy, I'm right here and everything's okay…'

Legolas was even more grateful now than he had been before for the loving child, the unselfish, devoted little boy that was in his life, as he held Elleelen close. A few, silvery tears ran down his pale face, splashing onto the child's face, before they were swiftly wiped away.

A wince crossed his face, at a sudden, painful ache in his heart. Elleelen gasped when his daddy's face paled even more, before the pain subsided. By the time it did, Legolas' cobalt eyes were disoriented, as he leaned back against the chair for support.

'Daddy?' Elleelen whispered.

Legolas closed his eyes as another spasm hit him, weak at first, before it grew stronger.. He didn't want to worry Elleelen, but the agony that soared through him was excruciating, preventing him from being able to speak right now. His eyes were dilated, glazing over. Legolas struggled to reach through the haze, to tell his son that he was all right.

The words would have been a lie if Legolas could have said them, for Legolas was anything **_but_** all right.

Elleelen grew really scared when his father didn't answer him. He carefully shook him, before doing so harder. What should I do, Elleelen wondered fearfully, as he looked into his daddy's strange, distant eyes.

Elessar heard Elleelen sniffle, as he walked towards them with a still frowning Kasia at his side. She'd told her father that while she accepted that he loved Legolas, if he truly loved him, he could not do such things to someone he loved.

The Man's grey eyes drifted from the small boy to his motionless father. 'Legolas?' Elessar inquired, not liking the vacant look in the blue eyes.

'Daddy!' Elleelen cried. 'Wake up! Please!!' The boy was shaking in fear, for he had not seen his father like this before.

Kasia gasped at the unmoving Elf. She raced over and instinctively climbed onto the chair next to him and Elleelen, before she touched his face with her small hands. Kasia spoke Legolas' name as well. 

Elessar knelt before Legolas and intensely looked into the Elf's eyes. Horror entered him in a moment; he could instantly see what was wrong. Grief was overtaking Legolas, killing him, in spite of how the determined Elf fought against it.

'You cannot give into this, Legolas!' Elessar said firmly, before taking a hold of the limp, pale hands and squeezing them hard. 'I care for you too much to lose you now. Please, Legolas…' he whispered.

Legolas was surprised when he heard Elessar, Kasia, and Elleelen speaking to him faintly, as though the words were coming through a fog. He struggled even harder to move, but it was so hard; his grief had finally caught up with him at last.

Elessar was relieved when he saw a faint flicker in Legolas' eyes. 'Legolas!' he said loudly, startling the two children, who looked at him in shock.

'E-Elessar?' Legolas gasped out, through the intense pain. His eyes briefly focused on the Man, before he went limp.

*********

Rivendell

*********

Elrond read the letter that Thranduil had sent to him in reply, and after he had finished it, a frown was upon his face. The Elven lord instantly informed Glorfindel that he was temporarily in charge of Imladris, before he threw some certain items that would be needed in a pack and left, taking his strongest Elven stallion. He also changed into faded clothes; a brown tunic, light green shirt, and black leggings, along with a brown cloak, with its hood pulled over his face.

How could you do this, Elessar, Elrond thought, more than a little angry. He knew that Thranduil had always known when his children were in pain, and the fact that Legolas was the only once not accounted for and that he was with his son and Elessar confirmed that somehow Elessar was the source of Legolas' pain.

The half Elf galloped hard towards Mirkwood, to come up with a plan of sorts with Thranduil to apparently save Legolas from Elessar.  

************

Mirkwood

************

Thranduil was alone and walking through the hallway towards Legolas' old room, when it hit him.

Crushing agony in his heart and chest, driving out all other feelings, sending the Elven king to the ground in pain. Thranduil struggled to keep breathing out the pain, fighting black the darkness that was fast overtaking him, making him dizzy.

As he lay on the ground, a soft whisper left his lips, barely audible, before he fully passed out. His last coherent thought was, What's happening to you, Legolas?

'Legolas…'

To be continued


	14. Part 13. Entul- Coia-

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! Not my song; it belongs to Lee Ann Womack. Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Elessar and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is AU! Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. Takes place hours after the last chapter.

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 13. Entul- Coia-

       (To Return To Life)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's as clear as the blue sky  
I don't fear you tellin me a lie  
So I'll become your only dancer  
And let the sunrise bring me answer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

************

Mirkwood

************

Elrond had just passed through the borders of Mirkwood when he heard the cry go up that something was wrong with King Thranduil. The ebony-haired Elven lord rode hard towards the main part of the Kingdom of Mirkwood, in case his aid was needed for whatever ailed Thranduil.

Elrond dismounted once he reached the castle, which consisted mostly of  wooden platforms at many different heights, somewhat similar to Lothlorien's talens. He gracefully raced up the stairs towards the cries, with his brown cloak flowing out behind him. The hood still covered most of his face, so Elrond was barely distinguishable from any other male Elf.

Thranduil shuddered slightly, before he finally managed to return to his senses, after hours of being trapped in the cold, black, nothingness that existed between life and death. His eyes returned to normal, and he vaguely realized that most of his guards, and his two sons were there, looking at him worriedly.

'I'm all right,' King Thranduil said, to reassure them.

'What happened, Father?' his second youngest son questioned, concern on his face.

Thranduil replied, 'Nothing… I overexerted myself, that's all.' He was not going to worry his two sons with news that their younger brother was in severe pain until after Legolas was freed from whatever was hurting him so badly. The question of who was doing it had already been solved; Elessar was the cause of it. Why, however, remained a mystery.

Elrond asked, 'Are you well, Thranduil?' The half Elf gazed directly at where Thranduil lay on the floor, before he sat up carefully.

Thranduil questioningly looked at the unknown Elf, before a smile crossed his face. 'Indeed, Elrond. Tis good to see you once more, for it has been far too long.'

'Aye,' Elrond replied. 'I came as soon as I received your message, and I am prepared to offer my assistance in this matter.'

Thranduil's two sons assisted their father to his feet, wondering what Lord Elrond meant. Their questions went unanswered, as Thranduil instructed everyone to leave, save for Elrond. The two rulers had private matters to speak of, which they did not want the others to hear.

After they were alone, Thranduil took Elrond to his office, to make certain that they were alone.

'What really happened?' Elrond inquired. His sharp, dark eyes had seen directly through the lie that had been told to the other Elves.

'Legolas… came very close to passing into the Halls of Mandos, and he almost took me with him. Elrond… What can Elessar be doing to my son to nearly kill him? And why is he doing this?' Thranduil looked directly at Elrond, worry and fear in his face. 

It was the first time that Elrond had ever seen Thranduil display an emotion openly, and he did not ridicule the Elven King for it. 'Thank the Valar that Legolas did not depart this world,' Elrond breathed. 'Thranduil, I know not what my foster son is doing or why, but whatever has happened must be serious. I am prepared to act against Elessar, to save the life of both your son and grandchild, though I love Elessar as my own. No harm is to come to him.' The last words were a sharp order, for Elrond felt guilty enough plotting against one who as a son to him. But he cared equally for Legolas, and had no wish to see him die.

Thranduil couldn't help feeling regret at those words. He wanted to make Elessar suffer as Legolas was suffering, and resented that Elrond was insisting that his foster child not be harmed. However, he also did not want to anger Elrond, for he knew that he would need the half Elf's help to save his youngest child.

**************

Gondor Castle

**************

Food had swiftly been forgotten, as Legolas remained immobile, his eyes never moving. Elessar had taken the Elf to a bed and laid him upon it, before he continued speaking to him, trying to get through to the blond Elf, praying that he wouldn't die.

This was all his fault, Elessar knew. He should have known better; he had been reared at Rivendell, after all. He knew the effects of grief on Elves, and had seen it happen to many, most of whom had perished. Only the very strong-willed survived their grief.

Why did I do this to him, Elessar yelled at himself. I am as selfish as Legolas accused me of being… and now he's dying. I've killed him; the one that I love… the one I wanted to love so long ago. What should I do? Elleelen will never forgive me if Legolas dies… And neither will I.

Elleelen's naturally pale skin was even whiter, as the young boy watched his father struggling between life and death. Please, Daddy, don't go, Elleelen cried silently. Don't leave me here alone!

Kasia was pale as well, and she tried to comfort Elleelen, because she could see how upset he was. Her own pain meant little to her, and Kasia hugged Elleelen, whispering that it would be ok, that his daddy would be fine. Or so she hoped.

A faint sigh caught their attention.

Legolas slowly returned to consciousness, blinking his azure eyes a few times, as they finally focused once more. His tongue automatically slipped out to moisten his dry lips, and he shifted slightly, bringing his right hand up to touch his forehead weakly. Legolas felt disoriented slightly, but it was to be expected after fighting off death. The inner struggle had been hard, but he had won… this time.

Elessar said, 'Thank Elbereth…' He took a hold of Legolas' left hand and squeezed it hard.

'That hurts,' Legolas protested. He frowned when he saw the strange look on Elessar's face. 'What's wrong?'

Elleelen wanted to hug his father tightly and never let him go. He stepped forward and frowned at his daddy. 'Daddy, you better be all right! You scared me!'

Legolas sighed again, and motioned to Elleelen to come over to him. 'I'm ok, Elleelen. I just need to rest. I'm sorry that I scared you and Kasia.' His right hand softly tousled his son's golden hair, and he sent a slight, reassuring smile to Kasia. He was all right, for the grief had not fully overcome him.

It nearly had, but the voices that had been calling to him had aided him, reminding him of why he was needed. He could not leave Elleelen alone, and his heart commanded him to stay when he heard Elessar's voice, intertwined with Kasia's.

Kasia crept forward and smiled at the taller Elf. 'You were really weird looking,' she informed Legolas, looking curious.

Elleelen swatted her on the arm. 'My daddy is not weird looking!' he countered.

'He was,' she argued, smacking him back on his arm.

'Was not!' Elleelen shot back. He scowled at her.

She shouted, 'Was too!'

Legolas winced when his son shouted back that he wasn't weird looking. He shared a look with Elessar, and a laugh escaped from him, as the children continued arguing.

Elessar chuckled, feeling the tension from the fear of losing Legolas leaving him in nothing so much as a childish fight. His other hand covered the pale, slender hand he held, sandwiching it between his hands.

By now, Kasia and Elleelen were sticking their tongues out at each other. Both were yelling out their differing opinions, and their voices were only getting louder.

Legolas winced and said, 'Elleelen… Stop fighting with your sister.' His voice was so quiet that both children had to stop yelling to hear him.

'Why?' Elleelen pouted. 'She started it!'

Kasia shouted, 'I did not!'

'Both of you stop it,' Elessar said, a disapproving note in his voice. 'I know that you know better than to fight.' But he was amused at this, as was Legolas.

Elleelen made a face, echoed by Kasia. The two almost ten-year-olds put their hands on their hips and glared at their shared father, who merely raised his dark eyebrows. Both eventually turned away from him, giving up this particular fight.

Elleelen gently hugged his daddy. 'You take better care of yourself from now on, Daddy!'

'I will,' Legolas said. 'Don't worry so much, Elleelen. I am all right.' He gently pressed a kiss to his son's forehead, before yawning slightly. 'My only problem is that I am still hungry.'

Elessar murmured, 'Then we'll go and get something to eat. **_All_** of us.' He assisted Legolas in sitting up and standing, hovering around him protectively. He never wanted to go through the trauma of nearly losing Legolas again.

Kasia tugged on one of Legolas' hands, pulling him towards the dining room. Elleelen pushed on his daddy's legs from behind, nudging him forward. Both were eager to help Legolas get some food as quickly as possible. Legolas found himself leaning slightly on Elessar, for if he felt anything besides hunger, it was utter exhaustion.

Elessar supported Legolas on one side and laughed at the antics of his two children. They arrived at the dining room fairly quickly, and Legolas gratefully sat down. Elessar sat at the head of the table, and Kasia and Elleelen sat on opposite sides, across from each other. Kasia sat next to Legolas.

Elleelen didn't really like sitting on his side alone, and pouted. 

Elessar looked at him and questioned, 'Why are you pouting?'

'I want to sit with them.' Elleelen looked directly at his sire, before asking, 'Are you really a king?'

"Yes," Elessar answered, reverting back to Western.

Elleelen frowned. "Then why don't you wear a crown?"

"Daddy has a crown, and he lets me wear it," Kasia informed her sort-of brother.

Legolas yawned again, as he listened to the conversation, which was rather interesting. He knew that Elleelen needed to develop a relationship with Elessar, instead of always looking to him for everything. It hurt Legolas, because for so long he had been the one that Elleelen turned to for comfort and support. But he was not selfish enough to keep Elleelen all to himself, and Legolas could see that Kasia was still feeling out-of-place. All of them were still not used to the sudden changes in their lives.

"But why don't you wear a crown?" Elleelen persisted. "All kings wear crowns; Daddy said so."

Elessar laughed. "Well, for one thing, I don't like wearing it. And it is rather awkward to have on my head for a long period of time." The Man was careful to keep his comments light and cheerful, for the sake of the children. But he intended on speaking with Legolas again and finding out just what had been the cause of Legolas' grief. Was it being trapped in Gondor with him? Elessar hoped not, but until he spoke with Legolas, he could not be certain.

Finally, a few servants entered the dining room, carrying silver trays laden with dishes full of many different kinds of food; potatoes, carrots, and other vegetables, fresh fruit such as apples and grapes, and several pieces of meat; steak and chicken, along with some pork. The dishes were placed on the wooden table, which was covered with a light tablecloth, and another server placed clean plates, utensils, two goblets of milk for the children, two goblets of wine for the adults, and cloth napkins at the four places where their King, his two children, and his long-lost best friend sat.

All of the servants knew that the small boy was their King's son, though his other parent had not been known- until now. Hearing the child call the tall, golden-haired Elf 'Daddy' was shocking to the servants who were in the room. They quickly finished what they were doing and ran off to tell the others what they had overheard.

Kasia and Elleelen took hearty helpings of the food, filling their plates up with their personal favorites. They ate politely, though Elleelen made certain to place his napkin in his lap like his father had taught him to. Kasia cut her food up by herself, as did Elleelen. They started eating, after glancing at Elessar for permission, which he gave in a nod.

Legolas only took a small amount of food, and didn't touch the wine. He ate more slowly, looking thoughtful. He was busy being glad to just be alive and also wondered what the strange look that Elessar had been giving him when he'd finally awoken was. For a few minutes there, Legolas had actually seen an emotion similar to love. But he was not sure if it was genuine; he had, after all, nearly died. Legolas felt that he might have mistaken the emotion for something else. The only good thing was that Elleelen seemed to not be quite as upset as he had been earlier. Legolas was grateful for that, and that Kasia was there to keep his son company, while he himself struggled with his desire for Elessar, which mingled with his grief and sadness. He knew that he had to speak with Elessar when they were alone, to try to sort out some of their problems.

Elessar drew Legolas' attention by using one of the wooden ladles in the dishes to place more food onto the Elf's plate. Legolas hadn't noticed when he'd finished the little he'd gotten for himself, and he looked at Elessar silently.

"Thank you," he finally said.

Elessar inquired, "Do you not like the wine?" A slight pucker was on his forehead; he had not seen Legolas turn down wine for dinner all those years ago.

Elleelen offered, "Daddy doesn't drink wine." He took a bite of his potatoes and chewed carefully, before swallowing. "Least, I never saw him drink."

Legolas murmured, "I don't drink. I lost my appetite for it ten years ago."

"I… see." Elessar knew of only one thing that would have prompted Legolas to stop drinking; the fact that they had both been drunk when Elleelen was conceived. No doubt he wanted to prevent a similar incident from occurring, Elessar mused.

A sudden thought occurred to him. He hadn't thought of it before, but they'd slept together twice since arriving. Elessar had forgotten the potential outcome- Legolas might conceive again, or might have already. If so, Elessar didn't know what he should do.

He definitely did **_not_** want Legolas to leave, but nor did Elessar want the beautiful Elf to die from grief. Elessar inwardly sighed, feeling trapped. If he let Legolas go, both he and Elleelen would leave, most likely, and Legolas might bear him a second child without him knowing. Elessar's heart would be broken, and Kasia would not understand why her new brother left again with his other father. 

If he kept Legolas here, Elessar knew that the Elf would be miserable and, sooner or later, Legolas would succumb to his grief. If he bore a child, Elessar would be here to nurture it, as he should have been able to nurture Elleelen. Things were so complicated now, Elessar thought wistfully. He wanted Elleelen to treat him like a father, but knew the boy needed time. He wanted Legolas to choose to stay of his own will, but was afraid to ask for it. And Kasia needed time to adjust, as they all did.

Legolas stopped mid-bite to look at Elessar, who had a brooding look on his face. "Is something wrong?" he asked quietly, so that Kasia and Elleelen didn't hear him. Inwardly, he was concerned, because of the grimness in the grey eyes that looked at him.

Elessar gazed directly into the perfectly-shaped face which matched his gaze. Sapphire eyes met grey eyes, as both stared at each other for a few minutes.

To be continued


	15. Part 14. Quen- Yallume

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! This is an AU!! Not my song; it belongs to Lee Ann Womack. Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; Elessar and Legolas' thoughts are in .This is AU! Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. I'm taking another vote: who wants Legolas to get pregnant a second time? Takes place sometime after the last chapter, after Kasia and Elleelen are sleeping in their room.

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 14. Quen- Yallume

          (To Speak At Last)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After I fall, where do I stand?  
After my heart is in your hands   
And you've got it all  
After I fall, where do I stand?  
After I've loved you all I can  
Will I still stand tall?  
After I fall

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas and Elessar were once more back in the King's room, with the Elf resting on the bed, stretched out, and the Man sat on the other side of it, looking at Legolas wordlessly. Both were wearing the clothes they had on earlier, and Legolas inclined his face towards Gondor's king a little warily, fatigue running through him. He could barely keep himself awake.

Elessar cleared his throat, before he muttered, 'I'm sorry.'

'Sorry? For what?' Legolas asked, his voice drawn and sad. 'Sorry won't change anything, Elessar; too much has happened for that. We both have done the other wrong and we both are sorry for what we said and did, but it won't make things right again.' A deep sigh left him, as he closed his cobalt eyes in regret. 'Nothing will.'

'Is there no way you will trust me again?' Elessar questioned, remorse making his voice husky. 'When I thought you were going to die… I wanted to die myself. I never meant for you to nearly perish, Legolas.'

The Elven beauty looked at Elessar solemnly. 'I don't know if I can trust you again. I trusted you once ten years ago, but I do not know you anymore. The Elessar I knew then would not have…' Legolas sighed again, before continuing with, 'I would not have… But nothing can be done about it now.'

Elessar flinched. 'I missed you terribly,' he confessed. 'It shattered my heart when you disappeared, and I did not want to believe that you would choose to run away, so I told myself you were dead. It was better than thinking you were upset enough to run away and leave without saying a word to me.'

'I… missed you, too. More than you can imagine, and sometimes I even thought of coming back to visit you, but there was Elleelen to think of… Maybe it was selfish of me to keep him to myself, but he is my little star; my hope, my reason for living,' Legolas told Elessar.

'You've changed,' Elessar murmured. 'I did not see this modest side of you before…'

Legolas replied, 'One cannot eat pride, Elessar, and pride swiftly fades when you have a child to feed and no money to buy him food. I learned the hard way that you must sacrifice pride to keep your child fed, when I begged for food to feed him.'

Elessar shook his head, feeling guilty. 'Why didn't you even ask for money from me, regardless of the fact that Elleelen was my son as well? Had he been another's son, I **_still_** would have taken care of both of you. The money in the treasury right now would more than pay triple of whatever you spent to keep Elleelen clothed, fed, and under a roof.' His dark grey eyes were reproachful, as he looked at Legolas.

'Elessar, I did not feel right asking for money from you, when I had born your child and not told you. My guilt wouldn't allow it, and some last vestige of determination and pride made me resolved to care for him by myself.' Legolas spoke quietly, dozing slightly.

The Man remained silent for a few moments, not noticing how Legolas' eyes were slowly turning vacant. 'I hope you were not upset about the way his eyes match mine, and any other similarities between Elleelen and myself.'

'I loved him for that, because he reminded me of you and kept my lov-' Legolas stopped speaking abruptly, getting a frown for it.

'Kept your what?' Elessar inquired, curiosity spurring the question.

'Nothing…' Legolas stated, as he shook his head, a silent refusal to answer the question. 

Elessar was faintly tempted to seduce Legolas into answering, but he had already decided that he was not going to touch the beautiful Elf again without his permission, so he merely nodded. 'Keep your secrets, if you wish, fair one.'

A faint blush crept onto Legolas' face at the compliment, in spite of his attempt to remain unaffected by it. His silent prayer that Elessar had not noticed it was in vain, he noted, as he saw the faint look of amusement upon his face. Elessar was amused, but more surprised at the Elf's reaction.

'Have I never given you a compliment before?' he questioned. 'Surely I have before now.'

Legolas softly answered, 'You told me many times that I was a good friend and archer, but as for a personal compliment…' He shook his head. 'The most personal compliment you gave me was a thanks for giving you wise counsel in some of the matters you presided over as king.'

Elessar frowned slightly. 'You are very beautiful, Legolas. I shall have to make amends then, if I failed to tell you that before now.'

'Beauty fades, Elessar, save for those who are Immortal,' Legolas argued. 'Ten years have not changed you at all, for you still look very similar to the handsome, young Man I met a long time ago in Rivendell.'

'Handsome?' Elessar raised a dark eyebrow at that statement. 'You never told me that before.' He was pleased at the compliment.

'Then we are even,' Legolas yawned. 'You did not tell me that you thought I was beautiful.'

Elessar told him, 'Please, Legolas. We were friends for a very long time, and I know that I have not acted as a friend to you, but I would like for us to at least become friends again, if nothing more.'

'It will take time, Elessar, but I have not acted as a friend to you, either,' Legolas pointed out, half asleep. 'Tis as I said; we both have done wrong. Time is the healer of all things.'

'Perhaps you should get some rest, for you nearly perished today, Legolas. We can speak again later,' Elessar said.

Legolas yawned again, before questioning, 'What would you like us to be?'

Elessar felt a flush of his own on his face at the bold question. 'Friends, at least, if not…'

'Lovers?' Legolas knowingly inquired. 'I cannot say no to you; I will not lie and say that every touch you give me does not makes my body sing and long for more. I… would have preferred having a choice, though, instead of being outdone by the desire of my body.'

'Is that why you nearly died? Was it little more than rape to you?' Elessar's face grew pale, at the thought that that might be why Legolas had nearly died. 'Did I… force you to give in to me without you honestly wanting me?'

Legolas quickly murmured, 'No, Elessar… At least not the first time. The desire was mutual, but… I was angry with you for forcing me to either come here, or lose my- our son. And it made me feel like little more than a whore for you, because you wanted revenge; you did not want **_me_**, you wanted my body.'

'Where did you come up with that idea, Legolas?' Elessar informed him, 'I wanted all of you- I even said as much, and you bitterly asked me for the reason of why I wasn't happy, since I had everything that I wanted.'

'Why you didn't you just tell me?' Legolas weakly asked. 'Instead of…'

Elessar answered, 'Because I am a fool. I feared losing you again… and Elleelen. I thought it was the only way you would stay and not leave. I didn't want to lose either of you, and Kasia and Elleelen need to get to know each other better, as a brother and sister should.'

Legolas blinked a few times wearily. 'We've both been fools,' he muttered. 'It's Elleelen and Kasia we must think of now, not ourselves. Now that they know, we cannot keep them apart. They would not understand, and I am still bound to remain here.'

'Nay, Legolas. You have the right to leave, if you want to. I would… I ask that you stay, but I will understand if you go, with our son. Anger is no excuse for what I did,' Elessar stated. 'True, if we do not wed, Elleelen will be declared illegitimate, but I will still acknowledge him as my son, heir or not. However, that also means that sooner or later I will have to marry another and have a second son, which I am not particularly looking forward to.'

'Kasia should be your heir,' Legolas protested. 'She's as fit as Elleelen to rule, and she's lived here all of her life.'

Elessar grimly smiled. 'I tried that, Legolas; the advisors refuse. My heir must be male, despite my objections to such an old-fashioned rule. If a son of mine is not declared as an heir, then one of Faramir's sons will be, and I know that none of them are fit to be a good leader for my people. I must consider them as well, in whatever I do.'

Legolas said in a low voice, 'Even when you slept with me? I may or may not have conceived, Elessar. It will take two or three weeks to know if I have, and until then… I will not- I cannot leave. If I left, I would be obliged to leave Elleelen here, because both of you need to bond, as do he and Kasia. But I would sooner cut out my own heart than take him away or be separated from him.'

'I know,' Elessar admitted. 'I had forgotten… again. If you are expecting my child, I will provide for you, whatever you decide to do. I… do not want you to be put in the position of being nearly forced to sell yourself to keep a job again, for I care for you too much to let that happen.'

'I- thank you.' Legolas bit his lower lip, wishing that Elessar would touch him, though he felt weak for wanting such a thing, since he was only a few seconds away from sleeping.

Elessar urged, 'Sleep, my… Legolas. I will not touch you, unless you want me to.'

Legolas could not fight it any longer and as he finally gave into sleep, he whispered, 'But I want you to touch me.' His expressive azure eyes went vacant and empty, not seeing the startled look on Elessar's face.

After gently tucking some blankets around the sleeping, exhausted Elf, Elessar stood and blew out the candles, before he returned to the bed. The king laid himself out on his side of the large bed, careful not to brush against Legolas, for one touch might undo his good intentions. Though Legolas had just unwittingly given him permission to touch him, the Elf was asleep, and Elessar no longer wanted to take unfair advantage of Legolas.

After an hour of listening to Legolas breathing deeply beside him, Elessar, too, relaxed enough to sleep as well, pulling a light, silk blanket over himself, before he drifted into a restful sleep.

******************************

Somewhere outside of Mirkwood

******************************

Two tall figures rode on Elven stallions, wearing old, faded clothes, with the hoods of their cloaks pulled over their hair and ears. The only hint of what color their two different hair shades were came from the wisps of dark hair escaping from the slightly smaller figure's hood, while blond wisps freely brushed against the other figure's face, being plucked by a small breeze in the night.

'It will take us a few days to reach Gondor,' Elrond said, speaking in a low voice. 'Until then, I pray that Legolas will not be in such grievous pain, for it will slow our journey down even more if it effects you as well, Thranduil. The pain of one of your children suffering so must be a grievous one.'

'It is,' King Thranduil answered quietly. 'My son had best be alive, well, and whole when I find him, after what I have felt through our bond. Though I do not think he will be happy to see me again, for we did not part on the best of terms.'

Elrond compassionately placed a hand on Thranduil's shoulder. 'I know you did not, Thranduil, but your words were spoken out of anger and fear. Speak from your heart when you talk to him this time, and do not be afraid to admit that you made a mistake ten years ago, when you last saw him. Legolas has surely missed you, for you were very close to him, moreso than the others.'

Thranduil nodded. 'I hope he does not hate me, Elrond. Your words are true and honest; I was too harsh on him, but I did not want him to have to suffer as I did, being a single parent after… Regrets matter little, unless they can be used to start over. I miss him, and find it a struggle to get by daily without truly knowing what he is facing that hurts him so.'

'Do not judge yourself too harshly, my friend,' Elrond Peredhil counseled. 'I know that for the most part, Legolas has been well, but he truly misses you, as a son should miss his father. And his son is a delight, for I saw and spoke with him myself on Legolas' last visit to Rivendell.'

'Good. Thank you for keeping a discreet eye on him for me, Elrond. I know that you did not approve of my actions regarding Legolas, and I would take back the words I spoke to him if I could,' Thranduil seriously told the half Elven lord.

Elrond nodded. 'I would have watched over him and made certain that he was not taken advantage of again without you asking me, but it did mend our friendship, for until then, I had not realized that you were deeply affected as well over what had happened. You cannot take back your words, but you can apologize for them, Thranduil.'

Thranduil mused, 'When did you get so wise in these matters, Elrond?'

A fleeting shadow crossed the Elven lord's face before he murmured, 'Each of us have our own pain, my friend, whether or not we show it. Come, let's ride before we spend all of the night talking.' He pressed his knees into the stallion he rode, encouraging his horse into a fast gallop.

'Aye,' Thranduil said, his heart lighter for the wise words of a good friend. He, too, spurred his horse faster, to match the pace that Elrond had set.

To be continued


	16. Part 15. Yest- Au’

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! This is an AU!! Not my song; it belongs to Lee Ann Womack. Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " "; thoughts are in .This is AU! Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. Takes place a few days later.

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 15. Yest- Au'

     (To Begin Again)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're a move I wanna make  
You're a chance I'm gonna take  
You're every dream oh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'That's right; slow and gentle,' Legolas told Elleelen, as they sat in the large kitchen in Gondor castle. Long, wooden tables, with matching chairs, were set up and Kasia, Legolas, and Elleelen were sitting at one of them, making cookies. All three were rolling dough into little ovals to bake in the old-fashioned oven, taking it out of the large, blue bowl made of fired clay. Legolas had mixed the ingredients together for them, and now they were all having fun.

Kasia held up her rolled dough for Legolas to inspect. 'Like this?'

Legolas smiled and nodded. 'Now place it on the sheet- carefully, Kasia. It's still a bit hot.'

She nodded and placed the ball of cookie dough into the middle of the metal sheet, before taking another handful out of the bowl and rolling it together between her little palms. Elleelen concentrated on his own, making it into a perfect sphere. He sat it in the top right corner of the metal cooking sheet and took some more as well.

Both children had flour, sugar, and other things dusting their faces and their clothes. Elleelen's dark blue shirt and green leggings had white streaks across them, and cookie dough was on his face and in his blond hair. Kasia was not much better; she had worn leggings for once, so that one of her dresses wouldn't get ruined. Her yellow shirt and light blue leggings had cookie dough covering the majority of the cloth, and flour was in her dark hair.

But while they were a mess, both children looked very happy and content, as they made the cookies. Identical smiles were on their faces while they worked, under Legolas' careful supervision and instructions.

The taller and older Elf had only a little sugar on his face, and was quite clean, compared to the two children who sat on both sides of him, as they made cookies together. A genuine smile was across his oval face, as he watched the siblings messing with the cookie dough. A flash of regret went through Legolas, for he remembered when he had done this with his own father, long, long ago. 

Legolas wasn't entirely focused on what he was doing; he was busy thinking of Elessar. The Man had not touched him in any way for three days now, though the former Elven Prince longed for him to do so, to feel the soothing touch of a gentle caress or a soft kiss once more. He felt pathetic and weak for feeling that way, especially after what all had happened between himself and Elessar, but the callings of his heart could no more be denied than the voice of the Sea. It was one reason that Legolas had never dared to venture close to the Sea, lest he, too, fall under its spell and thus be forced to depart Middle Earth for the Grey Havens, leaving his friends… and child behind.

Kasia could sense that Legolas was upset about something, and she rightly believed it was because of her father. But, not knowing that it was because Legolas loved her father so that he suffered, she thought her father was making him stay here, when he wanted to leave. Kasia knew that Elleelen was worried as well about his father, though she had not told her brother what her father was doing. She felt guilty that it was even being done; nothing Legolas had done made him deserve to be coerced into doing something he 

didn't want to truly do. Silently, she continued rolling cookies, uncertain as of what to say to cheer Legolas up.

Elleelen looked at his father and saw the wistful expression on Legolas' face, as he paused in the middle of rolling a ball of cookie dough. The child just knew it was because of his sire that his daddy was unhappy and sad and lonely. His father had not told him it was so, but Elleelen knew that he had not been so downcast when they had not been here. Sometimes the boy could see that Elessar was a nice person- he was good to Kasia, after all, and spent time with both of them, but Elleelen still remained a bit wary of him.

Legolas finally looked up, and saw that the tray was ready. He stood slowly and picked it up carefully, in case it was still hot, and carried it over to the oven. Sliding it in, Legolas pushed it back far enough near the flames so that the cookies would only take a short time to cook, before he closed and latched the iron door.

"Oops…" Kasia mumbled, accidentally jarring the bowl with her elbow and knocking it over. Cookie dough landed on Elleelen's lap, and she couldn't suppress a giggle.

'Hey!' Elleelen cried in protest. He grabbed a handful of the dough and threw it at her, grinning when it landed on her face.

Kasia scowled and took an evil bigger handful, before lobbing it at her brother, getting it directly in his hair. She laughed at the look of shock on his face, before she crowed, 'I got you!' 

Elleelen frowned. He picked up as much dough as he could hold, and began chasing Kasia around the room with it. 'Come back here!' he ordered.

Legolas turned from the oven and watched the two chasing each other for a few minutes, until he couldn't contain a quiet laugh any longer. However, he also knew that Elessar probably wouldn't like the children making a mess of the kitchen, so he firmly said, 'Kasia, Elleelen… Unless you both want to clean up the kitchen, you'd better stop.'

Elessar heard the sounds of his children laughing, and decided to see what they were doing. Peeking his head in the doorway, he saw Elleelen and Kasia throwing something at each other, while Legolas warned them to stop. Both were covered in the gooey substance, along with powder of some kind. Elessar smiled at the sight of his son and daughter getting along so well, and then his gaze drifted to Legolas, who had a white streak on his face. The King wanted to brush it away, until he saw that the same substance was on those firm lips, looking very tempting.

Legolas felt someone watching him and looked up, going silent when he saw Elessar in the doorway. 'Children… I think you'd better go clean yourselves up and change, before the cookies are ready,' he murmured, feeling his pulse start racing at the sight of the Man.

Both Kasia and Elleelen made a face but did as they were told, saying 'hello' to Elessar on the way to their room.

Elessar instantly saw that Legolas was nervous, for his friend busied himself with cleaning up the mess and putting the dishes in the sink, so that he could wash them. The Man walked over and said quietly, 'Do I really make you so nervous, Legolas?'

'Nay…' Legolas answered, swallowing hard. He did not look at Elessar, as he began preparing some soap and water.

'Legolas… you do not have to clean up after them- that's what the servants are for,' Elessar told him, before wincing. That was a great way to make Legolas relax; remind him that he had been a servant. Elessar wanted nothing more than to kiss him right now, but he still waited, uncertain if the beautiful Elf wanted it or not.

Legolas slowly nodded, knowing that Elessar had not meant to hurt him. He turned to look at the Man and was surprised at the look on his face. 'What's wrong?' he questioned, until he saw the smoldering look of desire in Elessar's eyes. Part of Legolas instantly tensed, while the other part begged for a touch.

Elessar murmured, 'I should like to touch you… but I will not. Not unless you wish it, fair one.' His sharp, grey eyes had caught the way Legolas had stiffened when the Elf had seen the desire in his eyes. The King feared rejection above all else, though he had hidden it, not wanting to pressure Legolas into doing anything that he did not want.

'I… would like that,' Legolas found himself saying, before he knew it. His heart grew lighter at the joy that was growing inside of him. Elessar was not demanding his obedience; nay, for the first time, he was asking before he… 

A gentle, tentative kiss was given to Legolas, removing the traces of sugar from his lips and making him feel warm all over, from his head down to his feet. Elessar's left hand drifted up and brushed the flour off of the softness of the smooth cheek. Legolas' dazzling azure eyes spoke volumes to Elessar, and the Man pressed his lips against Legolas' lips even harder, feeling a contented sigh leaving the Elven beauty.

Firm arms wound around Legolas' waist, pulling him completely against Elessar, and he forgot about the cookies, savoring this bliss and warmth as Elessar kissed him hard enough to bruise his lips. His pale, slender hands slipped under Elessar's dark blue shirt, skimming across the firm muscles that rippled across the King's chest, while Legolas firmly kissed Elessar, slipping his tongue into the warm mouth, exploring it as he had never had the chance to.

Elessar groaned and was surprised to find himself pushing Legolas back onto one of the wooden tables, lowering the Elf onto it with utmost care. Their lips met again hungrily, in a flurry of kisses that left each breathless, while Elessar pinned Legolas to the table beneath his firm body rather roughly. He heard a faint sound and looked into the blue eyes beneath him, silently asking permission with his grey eyes.

Legolas nodded, and then gasped, 'The cookies!'

'The what?' Elessar questioned, looking baffled.

'I was making cookies with Kasia and Elleelen,' Legolas told Elessar, flushing slightly, as he gently pushed at the Man. 'I fear if I do not rescue them from the oven they will burn and the children will certainly be unhappy.'

Elessar sighed but sat up, amusement in his eyes. 'Go and rescue them, then… I shall wait.'

Legolas smiled, before he stood and raced over to the oven. Grabbing the blue cloth that sat next to the iron door, he opened the oven door and pulled out the metal sheet on which the cookies sat. He was relieved to see that they were not, in fact, burned, and sat the sheet on the table nearby. He had just replaced the blue cloth and closed the door when warm arms encircled him from behind once more. The resulting heat brought a blush to his face again.

'Did you want a cookie?' Legolas asked, controlling his breathing carefully.

Elessar nipped at the pale, slender throat for a few minutes before breathing, 'I'd rather feast on something more delicious, if the feast is willing…'

Legolas leaned back against Elessar, enjoying the feel of the experienced mouth trailing up his neck. 'And if the feast is willing to be ravaged?' he whispered, moaning softly as two hands trailed down his back, over the curve of his hips, before wrapping around him again, holding him firmly. He tilted his head back and looked up into the stormy grey eyes over him.

Elessar started to say something, when the door to the kitchen flew open loudly, slamming against the wall. Two pair of eyes flew to the door. Legolas drastically paled, for it was someone he had not expected to see again in his life.

'Father?' he hoarsely gasped. 'What are you doing here?' Shock was in his cobalt eyes as he wordlessly looked at one he had not seen for nearly ten years.

King Thranduil looked directly at his son. 'I came here… to get you and Elleelen,' he proclaimed, before glaring at Elessar. 'What did you do to my son to nearly kill him?' he demanded. 'Get your hands off of him, before I cut them off!' His right hand flew to the hilt of his sword.

Elessar released Legolas, but pushed the golden-haired Elf behind him, taking the hilt of his sword in his own hand. 'Tis none of your concern, King Thranduil, what Legolas and I do,' he stated grimly. 'But tis my concern when you break into my castle and make threats to me.'

Legolas was gaping at his father. 'Why would you come here for me and my son? You disowned me and all but threw me out of Mirkwood because of Elleelen.'

'And I made a mistake when I did so,' Thranduil murmured, looking directly at his son. Guilt and shame swam in his dark blue eyes, along with sorrow. 'I should not have acted as I did, and for that… I am sorry. I hope that, in time, you will forgive me.' He then gazed back at Elessar. 'And tis my concern when I feel one of my sons dying, but I do not know the cause or the reason, King of Gondor.'

'Father, listen to me, please,' Legolas interjected, but it went unheard as Elessar narrowed his eyes at Thranduil.

'You're sorry? Sorry isn't going to take back the years Legolas starved himself to feed Elleelen, is it? Or the sacrifices he made to keep his son clothed and safe under a roof?' Elessar inquired coldly, resentful of the way Thranduil was judging him.

Thranduil countered, 'What does that have to do with you? Not even his proclaimed best friend helped him through his ordeal!'

Elessar retorted, 'It has everything to do with me because Elleelen is my son, too!'

************************

Kasia and Elleelen's Room

************************

Elleelen and Kasia had just finished getting cleaned and changed into fresh clothes when a stranger wearing a cloak, with the hood pulled over his hair, entered the room and walked over to them silently. He gazed down at the children.

'Who are you?' Elleelen questioned, frowning slightly.

Kasia frowned as well, as she repeated the question her brother had asked.

'Surely it has not been that long, Kasia,' Lord Elrond Peredhil murmured, lowering his hood so that the children could see his long black hair and dark eyes.

'Grandfather!' Kasia cried, before throwing herself into his arms. Elrond caught her and held her tightly, for she reminded him so of Arwen.

Elleelen recognized Elrond, from the time he had spent in Rivendell with his father. 'Hello,' he muttered, uncertain as of what to say to the Elven lord.

Elrond smiled at Elleelen, but before he could say anything, Kasia began chattering at him happily.

'This is Elleelen, he's my brother. Did you know that, Grandfather?' 

'He's **_what_**?' Elrond asked, not certain he had heard right. Shock was in his deep voice, as he looked at the golden-haired child more closely. Elleelen was Legolas' son, Elrond knew, but if he was Kasia's brother… That meant that Elessar was his sire, and **_that_** meant big trouble… for all of them.

To be continued


	17. Part 16. San- Tuulo' Mela

Other: I am so, so sorry about the lack of updates!! My parents were evil and banned me from writing anything until my Finals were over, and that's why I haven't gotten anything up for so long!  
  
Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! This is an AU!! Not my song; it belongs to Lee Ann Womack. Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " ". This is AU! Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo.  
  
Amin Ai Olin  
  
(My Little Secret)  
  
Part 16. San- Tuulo' Mela  
  
(To Take From Love)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After I fall, where do I stand?  
  
After my heart is in your hands  
  
And you've got it all  
  
After I fall, where do I stand?  
  
After I've loved you all I can  
  
Will I still stand tall?  
  
After I fall  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"He's my brother," Kasia repeated, not understanding why her grandfather looked so upset. "Elleelen's all right… for a boy." She wrinkled her nose slightly, but grinned at her brother.  
  
Elleelen scowled and muttered, "Thanks, Kasia…"  
  
Elrond looked at Elleelen in shock, his dark eyes roaming over the young one, checking to see if there was any sign of Elessar in him. Those eyes, Elrond thought… Why had he never seen it before? Elleelen possessed the exact same eyes and ears as Kasia, and Kasia got her eyes from her father, Elessar.  
  
The reason that Elrond was upset was because he knew that Elleelen was Kasia's age exactly… and Elleelen was Legolas' son… which meant that Legolas and Elessar must have been together either right before Arwen's wedding to Elessar, or right after it. Neither option had much appeal to Elrond, for he felt betrayed on Arwen's behalf.  
  
But something was wrong, Elrond knew. Legolas had refused to state who Elleelen's sire was, and Elessar had not known, either. Yet Elessar had never considered the possibility that Elleelen might be his child? The Elven lord could not believe that Elessar would have left Legolas and Elleelen to fend for themselves, so that meant that Elessar had not known the truth. But why wouldn't Legolas have told him? Hadn't he known of the problems that Elessar was facing because he didn't have a male child?  
  
No matter that, Elrond decided. What was important was that Elessar now apparently knew that Elleelen was his son, and that was why Legolas and Elleelen were brought here. And knowing Elessar, Elrond knew that he would be furious with Legolas for not telling him all those years ago, and it was because of Elessar's anger that Legolas had nearly perished.  
  
Elrond groaned aloud; this was a turn of events that he had not expected. "Come with me, Kasia and Elleelen, and we will find your father and Legolas," he told them, more anxious now than ever to find Legolas and Elessar before Thranduil did.  
  
With Elleelen and Kasia each holding onto one of Elrond's hands tightly, the three half Elves ran towards the kitchen, for Kasia had told her grandfather that that was the last place her father and Legolas had been.  
  
Inside of the kitchen, King Thranduil of Mirkwood stared in shock at Elessar. 'You're lying,' he said, shaking his head in denial. 'Legolas would never have lain with you!'  
  
Elessar retorted, 'He did then, and has done so once more.'  
  
'Elessar…' Legolas hissed, highly embarrassed. This was a conversation he did not like at all. A crimson flush was on his face, as he looked back and forth between his father and… his lover. Neither were paying attention to him as they glared at each other. 'Father, please, he's telling the truth; he is Elleelen's sire.'  
  
'If he did sleep with you, then you must have forced him to,' Thranduil accused, ignoring his son as he concentrated on Elessar, anger blazing in his eyes.  
  
Elessar grew furious at those words. 'It seems to me like he actually enjoyed himself, and that would be pretty hard if he was being forced,' the King snapped.  
  
Legolas flinched, Elessar's words having hurt him. Had the Man so conveniently forgotten that he had turned Legolas' own body against him, making him give into his desire against his will for the most part, at least at first? Was it that easy for Elessar to forget how he'd forced him to come here? In the time that had passed since Legolas had arrived in Gondor, only once had he not been touched against his will.  
  
Thranduil saw the wince on his son's face and stated coldly and deliberately, 'Then why does he flinch so at the words you just spoke? Could it be that you have forced him into doing things he did not wish?'  
  
Elessar paled and looked at Legolas, who refused to meet his gaze. The King cursed himself silently; how could he have forgotten, for even a moment, of what he had done to Legolas? What he did to the Elf was little better than rape, and it was a miracle that Legolas had even survived that, especially as he was already unhappy about having been forced to come here against his will.  
  
At that moment, the door to the kitchen was flung open, and Elrond entered, with his granddaughter and Elleelen. All eyes turned to them, and Legolas automatically stepped towards the children, wondering why Elrond was here. Thranduil stared at the little boy with long, golden hair and grey eyes, wondering at how Elleelen looked so much like Legolas. It was stunning to the Elven King, for he had never laid eyes on his grandson before.  
  
Kasia and Elleelen stared at the tall, golden-haired Elf, wondering who he was. Neither had ever seen him before, and they were naturally curious, by nature, so they gazed at him silently. Kasia was the first to look at the stranger, then Legolas, and finally, her brother.  
  
"He looks like you, Elleelen," she proclaimed. "But he also looks like Legolas…"  
  
Elleelen's eyes darted from his father to the unknown Elf, realizing that his sister was right. This must be one of his relatives, Elleelen determined, though he grew worried when he saw the grim look on his sire's face, and the pale, distracted look on his father's face. "Daddy, what's wrong?" he asked. "Who is he?" Elleelen pointed directly at Thranduil, a frown on his face.  
  
"He's my father, Elleelen," Legolas replied softly, as he placed his right hand on his son's shoulder, with his left one on Kasia's. The small girl and boy looked up at him in wonder and shock.  
  
"Daddy, you never said anything about him before," Elleelen protested, knowing that for some reason his father had been estranged from his family, but he didn't know that it was because of him being born. "Why's he here?"  
  
Thranduil breathed, "Tis almost as if I was looking at Legolas, when he was that young, all those millennia ago…" He stared at Elleelen, joy on his face at how the child resembled his beloved son. Yet he was also hurt, to hear that Legolas had not mentioned him to his son.  
  
Legolas told Elleelen, "I know that, my son… And he's here because he wants to take us to Mirkwood, where I was born…"  
  
Elrond stated, "Elleelen is truly your son, is he not, Elessar?" A slight chill was in his voice, an indication of his anger at learning that one he considered a son had betrayed Arwen and slept with Legolas, though the half Elven lord knew that it was not entirely Elessar's fault. Legolas was as much to blame as Elessar himself.  
  
"Yes, he is," Elessar said, disliking the chill in his foster father's voice, but he was not entirely surprised by it. He knew how he would feel if the situations were reversed, though Elessar also knew that he had not been himself when he had slept with Legolas the first time, having been drunk.  
  
Kasia frowned. "You're not leaving, are you?" she asked, looking at her brother first, and then Legolas. Even though Elleelen and Kasia had only learned that they were brother and sister a short time ago, they had become good friends, though not without occasional arguments, and Kasia was already very fond of Legolas, who was naturally caring towards her.  
  
Elessar countered, "No, they're not, Kasia…" automatically. He fell silent when Legolas frowned at him.  
  
"You have no right to tell me what to do, Elessar," Legolas pointed out, a cold note in his voice. But he was truly not into having a verbal spar with Elessar right now, for he was torn. For ten years, Legolas had missed his brothers and father terribly, and now he was being offered a chance to see them once more, with his son. But at the same time, Legolas also knew that Elessar was not invited, and if he went, he would have to leave both Kasia and Elessar behind. But the only other option was to remain, and Legolas feared that he would regret it for the rest of his life if he did, and Elleelen had the right to get to know his grandfather and uncles, as well as his sire. Legolas definitely did not want to leave Elessar, but he also wanted to see his family again.  
  
A staggering pain struck Legolas, directly in his heart. A soft moan escaped from him, as it grew worse, and the blond Elf swayed slightly, a wince on his face. The room began spinning before his eyes, and Legolas' vision began growing dark, when Elessar and Thranduil began arguing again.  
  
"They're not going with you," Elessar snapped angrily, keeping his hand on the hilt of his sword. "You chose to send Legolas away ten years ago, so live with that decision!"  
  
Thranduil countered, "You were Elleelen's sire! Why didn't you provide for him- both of them? And what of Arwen, did she even know that you fathered a child with my son? Did you take him to bed the eve before your wedding, or after it?"  
  
Kasia gasped, as did Elleelen. Their mouths hung open slightly as they stared at their father and Thranduil, while they argued. Elleelen's face had gone pale at the words that his new grandfather was saying to his sire. Identical looks of fear were on their faces, until Kasia saw Legolas flinching, an expression of pain on his face. She tugged on Elleelen's arm impatiently with one hand, gesturing to his father, while touching Legolas on the arm with her other hand, trying to make certain that he was all right.  
  
Elrond had been about to intervene in the brewing fight between Elessar and Thranduil when he, too, noticed that Legolas looking like he was about to collapse at any moment. The color had drained out of Legolas' oval face, and he was trembling slightly. Grief, confusion, and despair swirled in his eyes, and despite his anger the Elven lord was concerned. He walked over to Legolas and placed a hand on his shoulder. 'Are you all right, Legolas?' he questioned quietly, temporarily putting aside his feelings of betrayal and wrath in his worry for the younger Elf. However angry he was over Legolas and Aragorn's betrayal to Arwen, Elrond still did not wish to see Legolas die.  
  
The reactions to that question were instantaneous. Elessar and Thranduil turned as one to regard the golden-haired Elf, who was shaking violently now. The remembered pain of what Elessar had done to him, before he'd relented and apologized, combined with Legolas' torn feelings between his family and Elessar and his daughter, and the way that his father and Elessar were yelling at each other now had trigged another overwhelming sense of grief within Legolas. All of his attention was now focused on keeping it from destroying him from within, so he didn't hear the concerned baritone voice that asked him if he was all right, or feel the hand on his shoulder, or even notice when Thranduil and Elessar stopped fighting, looking at him in alarm.  
  
"Legolas?" Elessar asked, stepping towards the one he loved, though he was too afraid to say the words… Afraid of losing his heart once more… But what was even more frightening to Elessar was the thought of losing Legolas, especially since he had lost him once, long ago, and had nearly lost him a second time, to grief. This was the third time the threat of losing Legolas had surfaced, and Elessar could not bear to lose him, not after losing Arwen all those years ago to that raging fever. At the end, all he had been able to do was sit by her side and wipe her brow gently with a cool cloth, easing her pain before she died. The messengers he had sent to Lord Elrond, to tell him of Arwen's illness had been ambushed by bandits, and the Elven lord had arrived too late; gentle, beautiful Arwen had passed away the night before.  
  
Thranduil worriedly questioned, "My son, are you well?" Then the staggering pain of grief within Legolas reached the Elven king, through the bond that Thranduil possessed with all of his children. He sharply sucked in a deep breath, before he walked to his son, who stood as still as stone, his azure eyes showing the intense inner struggle going on within him, the battle to live.  
  
Elleelen watched as his newfound grandfather carefully picked up his father and peered into his eyes wearily, searching for any sign of life. "Daddy?" Elleelen plaintively whispered, fear in his eyes.  
  
Elessar scowled at Thranduil, before he sent a reassuring smile to Elleelen and Kasia, who both looked terrified. "He'll be all right," he said, hoping it was true. Wide, trusting grey eyes blinked, until the children nodded slowly.  
  
Elleelen bit his lower lip, which trembled, watching while his grandfather attempted to bring his daddy back from whatever was wrong with him. Unwilling tears stung in his eyes, because the young boy adored his father more than anything else, having spent most of his short life with his daddy, who was the only family he had ever known, until he had met Elessar and Kasia. The bond was true, and though Elleelen got along well with Kasia, and somewhat with their father, Elleelen tended to seek out Legolas' attention more than Elessar's. He was, however, making a genuine effort to get along with his sire, but Elleelen could not forget what he had seen earlier, when Elessar had pinned his daddy to his bed, refusing to let him go. It came as a surprise to Elleelen when a large, slightly rough but gentle hand brushed his tears away, before tousling his fine, golden hair. Wordlessly, he looked up into the compassionate eyes of his sire, and Elleelen could see that he, too, was worried about his father.  
  
That knowledge somewhat surprised Elleelen, for he had known that something had occurred between his parents, after the way that they first had seemed to argue a lot, but after his daddy had gone all pale and incoherent, Elessar had pulled away from all of them slightly, immersing himself in the responsibilities of being a king.  
  
Slowly Elleelen offered a smile to his sire, in gratitude for the silent reassurance, and he received a warm one in return. He watched as Elessar looked at his daddy, and was stunned by the emotion in the eyes that matched his perfectly. A shocking realization came over Elleelen; his sire loved his father. Elleelen didn't know why Elessar had never said anything, instead of pulling away like he had.  
  
Kasia was glad to see that her father and her brother were finally being more than just polite to each other, but she was also very worried about Legolas, as she had already become accustomed to his stable presence. With him there, there was no longer any need for a nanny to watch over the children, because Legolas did that freely and showed both Elleelen and Kasia more affection than a nanny could. Kasia had bloomed from the constant attention, for her father was very busy, though Elessar spent as much time with her as he could, and she now radiated a happiness that had not been seen since the advisers had begun pressuring her father to remarry.  
  
Elrond's sharp, dark eyes roamed over the motionless figure that lay in his friend's arms, trying to discern if there was a physical reason for Legolas' sudden paralysis. But no wounds could be seen, and the Elven lord finally murmured, 'Tis grief again, my friend, and until this matter is resolved, it will not fully leave him.'  
  
'I know that, but my son is returning home, at least for a while,' Thranduil replied, giving Elessar a hard look, grim determination in his eyes.  
  
Elessar defiantly shook his head. 'Legolas is going nowhere.'  
  
Elrond silently groaned, as the two stubborn males glared at each other, each determined to get their way on this matter. The Elven lord finally sighed and stated, 'Elessar, Legolas has the right to make up his own mind about this, and he has not seen his family for years. Surely you cannot begrudge him a brief visit home, to reunite with his last two brothers, who have not yet passed over the Sea, not to mention denying Elleelen of his right to meet his uncles and Kin in Mirkwood.' Elrond then looked at Thranduil. 'And you must concede that when Legolas wants to return to Gondor that he will be allowed to leave, with his son. I would remind you both that Legolas is well past his maturity, and he needs no Keeper.'  
  
Thranduil and Elessar bristled, each stubbornly shaking their heads.  
  
'I don't want Elessar near my son and grandchild!' Thranduil yelled, forgetting about the two young children who were standing there, watching the fight. 'The Valar only knows what he did to make Legolas nearly enter the Halls of Mandos, and I will not stand by and watch it happen again! He didn't even claim Elleelen as his own!'  
  
Elessar shouted, 'Well, you didn't exactly help him, either, and I would have claimed Elleelen, had I known. Legolas did not tell me until a little while ago, but what was your excuse for sending him away from Mirkwood in disgrace, because he was going to have a child- my child? You did not claim Elleelen as your grandson then; in fact, from what Legolas told me, you didn't even want him to have Elleelen! When he refused to not have Elleelen, you sent him away!'  
  
Kasia gaped at her father, and then at Legolas' father, her grey eyes darting back and forth as they flung accusations at each other. The young daughter of Arwen might be brave and impish, but she really didn't like it when adults yelled like this, especially when it was her father.  
  
Elleelen immediately felt guilt. He was the reason his father had been banished from his home, because his grandfather had not wanted him? Elleelen lowered his gaze, feeling more tears spill out of his eyes, at that thought. His daddy had done so much for him- sacrificing his own needs to put him first, and now Elleelen knew that it was because of him that his father was forced to leave Mirkwood.  
  
Elrond bellowed at Aragorn and Thranduil, tired of the argument and seeing the stricken look on his granddaughter's face, and the tears on Elleelen's face. They were what counted right now, and nothing else mattered. 'Both of you- shut up!'  
  
To be continued 


	18. Part 17. Mily- Mela

Other: Again, another apology from me for the major delay in the update.

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! This is an AU!! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " ". Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. This song is also not mine, it's called 'Vision of Love', by Mariah Carey. 

Amin Ai Olin  
(My Little Secret)

Part 17. Mily- Mela

       (To Long For Love)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Treated me kind   
Sweet destiny   
Carried me through desperation   
To the one that was waiting for me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All eyes turned to Elrond in shock, for none of those present had ever heard the typically calm and stoic Lord of Rivendell tell anyone to shut up, let alone his foster son, Elessar, or King Thranduil of Mirkwood. Yet he had done just that, for he was tired of the arguing and greatly concerned about Legolas.

But the dark-haired Elven lord was sternly looking at Thranduil and Elessar, a frown on his face. Silently, he took Legolas' limp body from his father and walked away, carrying him gently, curtly telling both Elessar and Thranduil **not** to follow him. Kasia and Elleelen followed closely behind Elrond, their eyes wide with shock. Neither of them had ever heard an adult yell at anyone to shut up, and it had surprised them both when Elrond had. The fighting had, at least temporarily, ceased for the moment, and Elrond took advantage of that to find an empty room, with a bed in it, to place Legolas in.

Covering the golden-haired Prince with a soft, woolen blanket, Elrond finally looked at his young granddaughter **_and_** his young grandson. Even if Elessar and Legolas had betrayed Arwen, Elrond still felt paternally toward his foster son, which would make Elleelen his grandson as well.

"Please take care of him, Kasia and Elleelen, while I speak to Thranduil and your father," he requested quietly, not wanting the children to hear the tongue-lashing he was going to give his old friend and foster son. It was bad enough that they had been fighting in the first place, but did they have to do so in front of the young ones? Checking Legolas' cheeks and forehead, Elrond's concern grew when he felt how clammy and cool the younger Elf was to the touch, and he bit back a sigh.

"All right, grandfather," Kasia said, knowing better than to argue with him. Her grandfather was more stubborn than even she was, and that was saying something. Strands of her loose, dark hair now covered her slightly pointed ear tips, as she looked at her brother, who seemed uncertain as of what to say. Sometimes Kasia was jealous of how close Elleelen was to his father, because she envied him being able to spend so much time with Legolas, who was very kind and nice. Elessar was truly a loving father, but he rarely had time for his young daughter, who loved him despite that fact.

Elleelen nodded, but he was too worried about his father to say anything. Fear shone in his grey eyes, because his daddy looked so… lifeless, as if he were dead. The small, golden-haired boy looked forlorn and alone, as he climbed onto the bed where his father lay, before taking one of Legolas' larger hands in his, holding it between his two smaller ones.

"Daddy, please wake up," he sniffed, his lower lip trembling slightly. Tears threatened to fall, and Elleelen blinked them back, because he wasn't a crybaby.

Kasia whispered, "Legolas?" in an unusually quiet voice, looking sad herself. Legolas just could not die, he couldn't, it would be too upsetting for her. He was nice and patient with her, and he treated her as a father would treat his own child, with patience and love, though he could also be firm when it came to discipline.

Elrond watched the children for a few moments, seeing the heartbroken expressions on their identical, young faces, and he shook his head, before leaving the room silently. The Elven lord kept his face neutral, returning to the kitchen where Thranduil and Elessar were glaring at each other again.

Legolas lay unmoving in the bed, his blue eyes vacant but not in the dreaming state that Elves' eyes entered when they were asleep. Rather, his eyes were hazy, as if he were fighting an intense internal battle, which he was. Legolas did not plan on dying easily, and he was determined not to give into this. Not only for the sake of the children- his son and sweet, stubborn Kasia, but because despite everything: the fighting, his anger, and what Elessar had done… Despite all of that, Legolas still loved him, a tiny bit. If he was honest with himself, the Prince would admit that he could love Elessar as much as he once had, before everything that had happened, before Elleelen had been born, and before that night. But Legolas was afraid to, for he might still be in love with Elessar, but the Man who had been his best friend had changed so much that he barely recognized him in his past words and deeds.

The fact remained that though Elessar was obviously attracted to him, he had said nothing about love, which meant that he didn't feel the same, and Legolas was not going to bare his heart for it to be broken again, as it had been when Elessar used his body and emotions against him. Still he felt shame for that, because he shouldn't have given in so easily to that, but now Elessar seemed to have had a change of heart- sort of. Legolas, however, was still wary, though, for Elessar seemed to forget so easily what he had done to him.

But none of that mattered right now, as Legolas battled inwardly, to keep his soul from escaping to the Halls of Mandos, forsaking his life, the children, and Elessar. Pain, intense pain and grief were tearing at his soul, telling him to give up and let himself die, rather than be hurt like this any longer.

I will not, Legolas thought desperately, but it was so hard to keep fighting, and he couldn't hear Elessar anywhere. I cannot die, the children… Elessar… Somebody help me, please…

At his bedside, Kasia and Elleelen sat, one on each side of him, each holding on to one of Legolas' hands, as if by doing so it would keep him alive. Neither Kasia nor Elleelen knew what to do, so they continued sitting there, both very near tears, begging Legolas not to die, clinging to his hands tightly, seemingly trying to anchor him to Middle Earth, so he wouldn't leave.

"What should we do?" Elleelen choked out. "Daddy's getting worse, I d-don't want him to die!" He sniffed again, and a few tears had escaped from his grey eyes by now, running down his face silently.

Kasia shook her head. "I don't know, last time h-he came back on his own, but Legolas looks so bad… Maybe we should get Father, he'd know what to do…" Her own eyes, a replica of both her father and her brother's eyes, were spilling over with her own unshed tears.

In the kitchen, Elrond was giving Thranduil and Elessar a severe scolding, glaring at them both reprovingly. "If it wasn't bad enough that you were fighting like that, did you have to do so in front of Elleelen and Kasia?" he demanded. "Not to mention that part of the reason Legolas is now fighting for his life is because you were fighting like that. Right now, the only things that matter are your children, Aragorn, and Legolas' life." Sighing, taking in a deep breath, Elrond tried to calm himself down, but he'd had to listen to them arguing again. "And if the two of you don't stop this ridiculous fighting, **I** will take Legolas, Kasia, and Elleelen with **me** to Imladris and leave the two of you here."

King Thranduil of Mirkwood was gaping at his old friend, he'd never seen Elrond so angry before, not in all the time he had known the Lord of Rivendell. But he did feel ashamed when he was forced to realize that part of the reason his son was now in such grief was because of the way he and Elessar had been fighting. Thranduil couldn't help his feelings, he felt so guilty over all but banishing Legolas from Mirkwood, because he had refused to name the sire of his child. It made him feel better to cast the blame on Elleelen's sire- Elessar- than face the fact that he had done little better, leaving his son and grandson homeless because of his stubbornness.

He hadn't meant to yell such things in the presence of the children, once again his temper had gotten the best of him, and Legolas was paying the price for that, struggling to keep himself from dying. But Thranduil still wanted Legolas to come to Mirkwood, and he would not budge from that. It was quite possibly the last chance Elleelen would have to meet his two remaining uncles and to get to know him, for very soon Thranduil would be leaving the shores of Middle Earth for the Havens, along with his other two children. Legolas would not be leaving, his father knew, though his heart ached at such a decision, which would eventually cost Legolas his life. Though Elves who remained behind from the Havens lost their Immortality, they still had longer lifespans than most Men, and until all of the Elves, save the few who were remaining behind, had left for the West, the Immortality of those who stayed would not begin to fade.

Elessar was surprised when he saw a strange look in Thranduil's eyes- a haunted, saddened look, and despite his reluctance towards Legolas going to Mirkwood with their son, he felt compassion stir in his heart. "What troubles you so, King Thranduil?" he questioned quietly, knowing that his foster father was right. If he didn't want the one he loved to die, he had to stop arguing with Legolas' father. And Elessar also knew that he would have to speak to Kasia and Elleelen, to make certain that they weren't too upset over what they had heard.

Never before had the King of Gondor argued like that in front of his daughter- or his new-found son, because he hadn't wanted to upset them. But the instant that Thranduil had said that he wanted to take Legolas back to Mirkwood, fear, undeniable and utter fear had entered Elessar's heart, fear that if Legolas went back to his home, he would never see him again, or their son. After all, Legolas had no reason to stay in Gondor- it wasn't like he loved him or anything, Elessar reflected painfully. Though he loved Legolas fully, he hadn't done a very good job of showing it, and he was paying the price for that. The thought of losing Legolas and Elleelen was terrifying to Elessar, who had lost his wife so long ago. Arwen had known of his feelings for Legolas, before he had known his own heart, but she had never learned that they had been acted on, subconsciously, after he and Legolas had both gotten drunk.

But Elrond was right- if he continued to argue with Thranduil, it might cost Legolas his life. That was a chance that Elessar was not willing to take, because he loved Legolas greatly, though he did not know when his feelings for his best friend had grown into something more. Always they had been friends, since they were young, and affection had always been between them, shown in gestures and touches, in words and deeds. Their friendship had been instantaneous, and they had been like brothers, sharing everything together- secrets, a room, and even bathing together, up until they both felt a bit uncomfortable with that, since each harbored something for the other.

Thranduil was startled when Elessar asked him what was wrong, for it had not been in an angry tone or anything, instead being thoughtful and quiet. "Soon, my children, save for Legolas, and I will be departing Middle Earth for the Havens. If Elleelen doesn't come with Legolas now, so both of they can see their Kin in Mirkwood, my grandson will never know them or me, and Legolas will never be reunited with his family," the King of Mirkwood replied solemnly, sadness in his voice.

"Then… they must go," Elessar realized, voicing it aloud. "But they have to return here, I could not bear to lose them, not after losing Arwen so long ago." He was not so selfish as to deny his son and Legolas this last chance to see Legolas' family in Mirkwood, though his heart ached terribly at the thought and fear of letting them go. "They must return before you leave…" But Elessar was still terrified that once the visit to Mirkwood was over that Legolas would not return. What was there for him to come back here for, besides Kasia? True, he loved Legolas, though Legolas only seemed to desire him, which was not love.

Elrond was relieved and it showed across his face, in his eyes. He hadn't liked being placed in the middle between one who was as a son to him, and one of his old friends, though they had, at least, listened to him. He could understand a father's longing for his son and grandson, and the longing within Elessar's heart. The Elven lord was only glad that they were willing to put aside their differences, at least for now, for the sake of Kasia and Elleelen, and for Legolas' life.

It had not been too long ago that Elrond had lost the one he loved to grief, and he had not wanted to see that happen again, to someone else who was in love with another. Though no physical mark was upon the raven-haired half Elf, the marks inside of his heart had never faded, and still remained, even after all this time. There had been no warning of the grief and then… it was too late. The one he loved had not said a word about the grief that plagued him, until the day he had died. The grief, Elrond had been reassured, had not been because of him, but from another source, an outside source that had never been named or spoken of, and by then, it was too late. Elrond Peredhel was left alone to deal with his own grief, and only his children had kept him from following his lover to his own death, though it had been so tempting to do so, to leave Middle Earth for the Halls of Mandos, in the hopes of a reunion with his loved one.

"Thank you, Elessar," Thranduil said, a relieved look in his own eyes. He could see that it was not easy for Elessar to admit that Legolas and Elleelen had to go, to say goodbye, if nothing else, and he could also see how much Gondor's King loved his son and grandson. Thranduil hadn't seen it earlier, but it had been there, he realized, hidden beneath his anger and bitter words, just as Elessar's fear had been.

Elessar nodded, and looked away, before he decided to go make certain that Legolas was truly all right. Elrond hadn't said whether he was or not, and Elessar was very worried about him. Silently, he left the kitchen, in search of wherever his foster father had taken Legolas, but he began walking faster when he heard a frightened young voice- his son's.

"Please, daddy!! Don't leave me!" Elleelen pleaded, sobs escaping from him. His father was so pale now, and was only getting worse, for his skin tone was now nearly white, instead of the color of ivory. Shivers were running through the immobile Elf who lay on the bed, as if he were dead. Only two things proved Legolas was still alive- his chest continued to rise and fall slowly, as he breathed, and his heart was still beating.

"I'm getting help," Kasia cried, jumping off the bed and running to the door- which opened on its own. She stepped back, and relief appeared in her grey eyes when she saw her father. "Father, he's getting worse…" She grabbed Elessar's larger hand and pulled  him over to the bed. "Please help him, I don't want him to go away like Mommy had to…" The young girl did not remember her mother dying, for she had been very young, but when she had asked where her mother was, Elessar had told her that Arwen had grown very ill and that, in the end, she had had to go away, although she hadn't wanted to leave the ones she loved behind. But Arwen had loved her daughter very much, and Elessar made certain that Kasia knew how much she was loved.

Elessar could only stare in shock and horror, for a few moments, when he saw how far gone Legolas was. He looked like he was on the brink of death, and Legolas' soft, rose-colored lips continued moving, as if he were trying to say something but liked the strength to speak. "Legolas, can you hear me?" he questioned, placing his free hand on Legolas' cool forehead, terror running through him, fear present in his voice.

Legolas merely groaned, his eyelashes fluttering weakly as he hovered between life and death, neither having complete control of him. He did not want to die- he could not die. He was weakening so badly, and was only faintly aware when a slightly rough hand touched his forehead, and a familiar voice began speaking to him. "E-Elessar," he mumbled, his vision distorted and growing darker by the moment. His voice was barely audible to the Man who stood there, looking stricken, but before Elessar could say anything, Legolas' eyes closed.

To be continued


	19. Part 18. Coi-, Gurth-, Na- leitha

Disclaimers: See the Author's Notes! This is an AU!! Elvish is in ' '; Common is in " ". Rated R for major angst and sexual innuendo. This song is also not mine, it's called 'Vision of Love', by Mariah Carey. A special thanks to Crem for beta-reading this for me! Amin Ai Olin  
  
(My Little Secret) Part 18. Coi-, Gurth-, Na- leitha (To Live, To Die, To Be Free)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It took so long  
  
Still I believed  
  
Somehow the one that I needed  
  
Would find me eventually  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Elessar gasped.  
  
Legolas' eyes had closed! The elf seemed to collapse unto himself, the lines of pain disappearing from his pale face even though the presence of pain did not. As if Legolas were already withdrawing from the world and.  
  
"No," the man whispered hoarsely, denying the sight before his eyes. "You can't. I won't let you."  
  
With a trembling hand, he brushed the back of his hand over the lips of the seemingly lifeless elf, waiting for a hint of warm air to tickle the hairs on the back of his hand.  
  
Nothing. His beloved had stopped breathing.  
  
"Don't do this to me," he choked and leaned over the elf, sucking in as much air as he could hold. Before the pale body could fade more, he was forcing the bloodless lips apart, pushing the life-giving air into the failing lungs.  
  
Force the air in. Push the air out. In. Out.  
  
Was it just his imagination or was the lovely elf actually breathing on his own now?  
  
He stopped, watching the slow rise and fall of Legolas' chest.  
  
Yes. He wasn't mistaken. But already he could see the breathing faltering, catching in the throat. Legolas' spirit was leaving Middle Earth, readying to enter the Halls of Mandos.  
  
"No," Elessar sobbed. "You're not going. Do you hear me? You. Are. NOT. Going. To. Leave. Me."  
  
He all but crushed Legolas' lips in an attempt to force more air into his beloved's lungs and pushed the air out with just as much force. In and out, relentlessly, until he saw the elf breathe again.  
  
"Fight this, Legolas! Fight this!" he begged, no, ordered the limp form before him, desperation and terror straining his voice to a hoarse sob.  
  
Suddenly he remembered. His children! Elessar turned to them. "Kasia, Elleelen- go get Elrond as quickly as you can."  
  
"But daddy." Elleelen began.  
  
"Do it!" Elessar screamed, regretting it instantly the moment fear crossed the tiny face. O Valar.what a monster he had become! "Please," he gasped softly. "Please. before Legolas disappears forever.  
  
The children raced away, after staring wordlessly at their father for a few moments.  
  
Amazingly, Kasia found the Lord of Rivendell almost instantaneously, almost as if some invisible force willed her to find her grandfather and save Legolas' life. Together, Kasia and Elleelen burst into the kitchen, and, tripping over the step before the kitchen door and falling on King Thranduil, managed to deliver the urgent message.  
  
"Father. needs. you, Grandfather," Kasia panted. "Legolas. is." She choked on the sobs hitching out of her throat, unable to bring herself to say the words. She stared at her grandfather, her eyes, red and swollen from crying, imploring the elven lord to believe her.  
  
Beside her, Elleelen nodded mutely, too grief-stricken to speak. His tear- streaked face scrunched up in worry and fear. He didn't want to be alone! He didn't want to lose his daddy.  
  
Elrond took note of the black shadows under the boy's eyes and the puffiness of his granddaughter's eyes and nodded. "Stay here, both of you. I will help him." Thus saying, he tousled the hair on the children's heads and quickly left the room.  
  
"Grandfather," a small, trembling voice began.  
  
The lone, tall elf left in the room turned to regard the small boy at his knees.  
  
"Yes?" he prodded gently.  
  
"Will my daddy d-die?"  
  
Thranduil stared at the shaking, crying children in front of him. They were frightened. Much as he was. Why? He could understand if Elleelen was upset, but Kasia? He looked at the little half-elves' tear-bright eyes and saw the terror in them. Terror that his son would fade away. A terror that arose from love. And he felt the residual anger in his heart, anger that the king of Gondor had gotten his son with child, melt away.  
  
"Please, sir. will Legolas die?" the other small child whimpered.  
  
The Elven King found that he could no more hurt them than murder his son in cold-blood. Even with the truth.  
  
Sighing, he pulled a nearby chair close and sat, gesturing for the children to climb on his lap. The golden-haired boy and raven-haired girl complied, and he wrapped a reassuring arm around each.  
  
Somehow, Thranduil managed to smile at them before murmuring thoughtfully, "Elrond is one of the best healers in Middle Earth. I'm sure that everything will be fine."  
  
"R-Really?" his grandson hiccupped.  
  
The King smiled, albeit a bit sadly, and smoothed the golden locks that were so like his own. "Really." And it wasn't a lie. Not really. If anyone could save Legolas, Elrond could, and Thranduil prayed the Elf-lord's power would be enough.  
  
"How would you like to hear a story?" Thranduil abruptly changed the subject, trying to draw the children away from the tragedy so close to their hearts.  
  
Kasia's lower lip trembled, but she nodded finally. The little girl was worried, but the prospect of hearing a story. and the nice Elf *had* said that her grandfather would save the nice Elf her father had brought home with him.  
  
Elleelen was swayed by similar thoughts. He sniffed and wiped his tears away, afraid for his father's life but somehow knowing there was nothing he could do about it.  
  
I'd probably make things worse, he thought to himself. He looked at his grandfather and nodded.  
  
Thranduil cleared his throat. "Once upon a time, in the wondrous, far off land of Valinor, which is also known as the Havens, there lived an elf."  
  
The smile on his lips belied the ache in his heart. He knew his son was fading.  
  
In another room, the bedroom in which Legolas was situated, in fact, another faced the same heartache.  
  
"You can't do this, Legolas!" Elessar cried, shaking the elf, rocking him on the bed, anything to wake the pallid form in his arms. "You cannot die. You. Cannot. DIE!" Harsh sobs ripped from his chest as he remembered Arwen.  
  
Elessar had been helpless to save her life. No herbs had been able to ease her pain as she lay dying. Nothing had been able to cure her illness. The only remedy, the healing gift of an Elf, had arrived two days too late. Lord Elrond's horse had gone lame after a day's desperate ride.  
  
Yes. He remembered the pain and suffering Arwen had had to endure. And he swore he would not lose someone else he loved the way he had lost Arwen. He *could* not. It would shatter him completely.  
  
"Please." Elessar whispered, his voice soft and shaking. "Please, Legolas. I. I love you."  
  
********************************  
  
Somewhere Between Life and Death  
  
********************************  
  
Legolas didn't know where he was. It was dark all around, and there was no light, save for his inner light. He found the place strangely silent and barren.  
  
There had been some forms of comforting darkness. The darkness of the night sky, illuminated by only the stars hanging from the heavens. The darkness of black velvet, soft and warm to the touch.  
  
This was not one of them.  
  
No one else was there, and Legolas found himself feeling very alone as he looked around, trying to see if there was anyway out of the stifling darkness.  
  
What happened to me, he wondered. Something about. soul-pain and.  
  
And then he remembered.  
  
I was in danger of dying from my grief. I. I must have died, Legolas decided.  
  
He didn't quite remember dying, but it seemed to be the only reasonable explanation. Why else would he be in this all-encompassing darkness?  
  
Perhaps the elves who died of grief found themselves in the darkness in their own hearts instead of Mandos' Halls, he wondered silently.  
  
Shivering, he wrapped his arms around himself. A single tear trickled down his face and plummeted somewhere far, far below him. Soon, another followed. And another. And another. He sat in the nothingness, his knees bent and pulled against his chest, silent tears falling into the abyss around him, and he despaired.  
  
I'm sorry, Elleelen, I didn't want to leave you alone. I tried to live, I really did. It was too much for me, too much grief at once. And Kasia, don't take this too hard, I didn't choose to die. Take care of each other. Remember me. I love you both as my own, and I will miss you.  
  
Legolas sighed and pressed his face into his knees, an endless stream of grief spiraling around his shivering form. He felt so alone.  
  
"I didn't mean to leave anyone behind," he whispered softly. Another pearl- like tear rolled down his cheeks. "I didn't. I didn't."  
  
The darkness closed in around him.  
  
"I didn't choose to die."  
  
He thought of his friends, his father, his son, Kasia, and, finally, Elessar.  
  
Elessar, he thought sadly, don't blame yourself for this. In spite of your tendency to be stubborn and arrogant, you still have a good heart. I know you will take care of Elleelen and Kasia just fine without me. I should have told you sooner how much I cared about you, regardless of what you did. I wish.  
  
"I wish I could have told you how much I love you."  
  
The azure eyes dimmed, and the darkness gathered, ready to kill. As the cruel, cold fangs closed in on him, one last thought flickered in his fading mind.  
  
My Elessar. You will be a light of hope within me, when the loneliness becomes too much for me.  
  
********************************  
  
Back in the Kitchen  
  
********************************  
  
"And so, the elf answered the call of the sea and left for the west," Thranduil finished, rocking the sleeping children in his arms.  
  
As he gently kissed the smooth brows, he only hoped he would have the chance to tell his son that the children now knew his favorite story.  
  
To be continued 


End file.
